


My Obsession

by Alysana



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal (TV) RPF
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Anal, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Family, Fingering, Forbidden Love, Gay Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PLOT TWISTS EVERYWHERE, Plot Twists, RPF, Romance, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Smoking, Smut, of course smut what did you think guuurl, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 16:56:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1990551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alysana/pseuds/Alysana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Midlife Crisis shows in a different way for every person. Some decide to change their job, some have an affair, others buy an expensive car. But with Hugh Dancy it's easier and much more difficult at the same time -  he wants so sleep with his colleague.</p><p>Drama, drama, drama. And naughty stuff.</p><p>I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!<br/>Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479  (Russian)<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lack of Experience

**Author's Note:**

> Credit:  
> http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479

The thought of wanting Mads formed in Dancy's head for the first time after another cast meeting, which Fuller used to schedule twice a month. They were sitting in a small meeting room, which they used to rent every second and fourth wednesday of the month, behind an oval-shaped desk covered with papers of their scenarios, contracts, notebooks and pens. The main cast of their film crew participated and after two hours of talking and arguing the narrow room resembled a fuggy hell. Hugh emptied his bottle of water a long time ago and glanced at Mads' still unopened bottle with envy. The man sat almost opposite of him, just beside the producer. Everything seemed to be as usual...

"We still haven't settled on which change in the relationship between Will and Hannibal the audience can look forward to.“ Bryan didn't look as worn out and tired as the rest of the cast at all. Maybe Mikkelsen also looked a bit more refreshed, but this could be explained by some sort of distance and unusual quietness of the Dane. He almost didn't participate in the debates today.

"Let's just make them marry each other“, the screenwriter Jeff chuckled, "THAT will be a change of events!“

Hugh could only force himself to a wry smile, whereas Mads didn't seem to listen at all. He was staring at the window. “He probably wants to get out of here as well” Hugh thought. 

Fuller suddenly snapped his fingers, attracting everyone's attention:

"Joking aside, shouldn't we already cross the line of this bromance?“ the executive producer gave everyone in the room a triumphant look, "since we've already decided to "merge“ the caracters Will Graham and Clarice Starling together?“

Something inside Will bumped hard. He threw a slightly scared glance at his colleague. Mads lazily looked at Bryan, like a sleepy cat.

"Will the channel allow us to introduce an uhm...unconventional relationship?“ Michael Kessler asked, not quite understanding whether Bryan was joking or not, like the rest of the room.

"You can always negotiate with the channel,“ the series' creator merrily waved off the issue, "It's more important to serve this dish correctly.“

Fuller winked at Mads.

"We will have to be careful.“ the Dane said with a calm voice. "We have to make the viewer ready for this, be in control of the whole situation. We have to handle this with care.“

Hugh felt himself blushing. They have already brushed on the subject of "an unconventional relationship between Hannibal and Will“, but earlier they were just joking around. Now they were dead serious, discussing the change of their characters' relationship on a romantic, even sexual stage. And Mads was seemingly okay with it.

"What does our fearless profiler think about this?“ Fuller turned towards Hugh. Twenty pairs of eyes stared at him. In those few seconds he had left to think, he reminisced all the movies he played in. Of course he remembered "Savage Grace“, but it wasn't quite like this back then...He didn't even have to kiss this ugly boy. Eddie Redmayne, right? Seemed like his hopes of avoiding to play a homosexual were crushed after all. Dancy glanced helplessly between the tired faces of his colleagues, stopping on Mikkelsen. The Dane looked directly at him, his dark eyes almost seeming to be black, his lips suddenly catching a glimpse of a smile.

"Why not?“ Hugh gave in to the provocation, surprising himself. Without breaking the eye contact with his colleague he added: "I think, it's very much possible to present their relationship from this point of view. I can speak for my character, at least. I can guarantee that I can play whatever you want me to show the people.“

"Mmmh, even a sex scene?“ Fuller grinned. Everyone seemed a bit noisier now, some were giggling and some mumbled silently.

Hugh felt a strange trembling inside. He wasn't used to situations like this, work has always been just work. But something has been going on with him for a while now. He knew that Fuller was just kidding but his brain emptied itself in this moment. He didn't know what to answer, how to joke in return. Everyone was chatting with each other and only Mads continued staring at him calmly, peacefully and with a glimpse of an ironic smile on his thin lips. For the first time this evening the Dane took his water bottle, opened it lazily and took a sip. Hugh swallowed with him, feeling a strange, tingling emotion inside him.

"Little Hugh isn't experienced enough for a sex scene.“ Mads turned towards Fuller with a grin.

Dancy was literally flashed. He missed the moment for a comeback, as Bryan tapped Mads' shoulder approvingly and commented something on his movie "Shake it All About“. After this their conversation changed into a more safe direction.

By the time they were allowed to go back home, Hugh already recovered from the events a bit. He still felt a bit shattered. A feeling in between melancholy and annoyance was nagging at him and he couldn't fight it. But lately he could expect any strange thing from himself: he had sudden changes of mood, either he wanted to get drunk (and he did in the bar), or he didn't leave the house for weeks during the evening, wasting his time watching stupid talk shows on TV. A small thing like an open shoelace could make him upset and he would easily get angry. For example, if they couldn't finish filming a scene by schedule. Especially if the circumstances of the delay were of a "natural“ type, meaning for example the unpredictability of the dog-actors. He rarely called Claire, and once he did, their conversations always ended with arguing and furiously hanging up. Above all, Dancy was annoyed by the ironic comments of his wife, saying "her soft husband is just constantly PMSing“. But an old friend had made a better and more fitting diagnosis: a midlife crisis.

"You can't just get over it somehow, Hugh“ this friend once said in a bar with another glass of Calsberg. "You need some kind of change, some push into the right direction. What is it you need? A new car? A house? A new job? Maybe you want to go travelling?“

Back then Hugh didn't know the answer to this question. 

Or he did, he just didn't want to admit it to himself.

When Dancy was strolling back to his Saab on the parking lot after the meeting, Mads suddenly caught up with him.

"Bryan was kind of strange today“ the Dane said, lighting a cigarette.

Hugh glanced at the cigarette in his friend's hands. He himself didn't smoke. Ever. He never even tried. But now he had the unbearable urge to light one. The urge was so strong and sudden that blood rushed into the face of the Brit. 

"I don't think he's serious about this“ Hugh mumbled, digging his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. There was a stinging cold wind outside. 

"Who knows“ Mads chuckled. He exhaled the bitter smoke, which was waved away by the wind directly into Dancy's face. Hugh inhaled deeply, absorbing this scent. Mads' scent.

"Although I think it wouldn't be such a bad experience for you“ Mads said out of a sudden.  
Dancy almost choked. His heart was beating fast and, kind of, aching.

"Why's that?“ He asked a bit too harsh.

The Dane turned to face him.

"I noticed you are getting tense as soon as the conversation strikes Hannigram...“

"Hanni-what?“

"About the development of our characters' relationship into "more than friends“. I know you haven't had experience with those kind of...scenes. They're not frightening, but you overcome your own doubts, your inner demons, raise your own professionalism as an actor...“

"Meaning I'm not professional enough from your point of view?“ burst out of Hugh.

Mads stopped. They have just arrived at his own Toyota.

"This is what I'm talking about.“ The Dane inhaled the smoke for the last time and snapped the cigarette into a bush. "Why are these conversations always making you so furious?“

"They're not making me furious. I don't care. Work is work. I'm just really tired“ Dancy didn't know how to end this conversation more quickly. Of course Mikkelsen wasn't as good as the legendary psychoanalytic Hannibal Lecter, but he unmistakingly pointed at his weak point. Just a little bit more and Hugh would have given away that filming with Mads was getting harder for him. That his head strangely emptied itself as soon as the Dane was looking directly into his eyes. That the scent of cigarettes had become more pleasant for him than the freshly mown lawn. Or Claire's perfume. That in the morning he didn't think of the scenes he would be about to play this day but that he would be going to play them with Mikkelsen. The bromance was helping. Because Will's confusion, his suppressed attraction to doctor Lecter were partly the feelings of Dancy himself.

How to overcome this crisis? The answer was obvious. He was attracted to Mads Mikkelsen. Obsessively, as Bedelia du Maurier might say. Obsessive thoughts, obsessive images, obsessive desires...The farther, the more unbearable they became. He couldn't overcome it...

„See you tomorrow“ Hugh grumbled, shivering in the wind. Not waiting for an answer he stepped towards his Saab, which was parked a few cars away.

Today he certainly needed a sip of his whiskey before going to bed.


	2. The Scent of Cigarettes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!  
> Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479 (Russian)  
> I am also translating it into german so check it out if you understand it, it's better than my english...http://www.fanfiktion.de/s/53cc050b00040177121f63e8/1/My-Obsession

Hugh Dancy couldn't tell when all of this started. This attraction, this interest, these feelings. The only thing he knew for sure was that Mads mesmerized him since back then, 10 years ago, during the shooting of "King Arthur“. He was different than all the other actors with his accent ("the Danish lisp“ had become his trademark) and his unusually sharp facial features and this glimpse of mischief glowing in his honey-coloured eyes. There was something back then which hooked him and, since then, Hugh preferred to have dinner with the company of the ironic Dane. They became friends quickly, but after they finished filming the movie, life drove them apart, them working and living on other continents. Hugh was acting in the States, Mads went back home to Denmark, and when Mads came back to America to shoot "Casino Royale“, Hugh was in Britain. They have lost contact and their friendship faded in the everyday troubles and casual, grey days. During those years Hugh managed to get a wife and a kid, as well as a cozy home on the west coast. 

And then destiny brought them back together again. Dancy remembered this rainy tuesday like yesterday, the day he met up with Fuller at Starbucks in Los Angeles. Bryan offered him a leading role in his new project. "Which project?“ Hugh asked then, sipping on his steaming coffee. "A TV show about Hannibal Lecter.“ The Brit almost choked on his beverage. Deja vu? Seven years ago he tried to get into a movie about Hannibal Lecter and he almost got the role of the serial killer and cannibal. Until this impudent and bootlicking Gaspard Ulliel showed up, it was, and lady fortune closed the doors into the universe of the Thomas Harris books for Hugh. "Who am I going to play?“ Hugh asked back then, trying to hide his excitement.“Will Graham.“ Disappointment and anger were building like a huge wave inside Hugh. He already opened his mouth to refuse, he wouldn't even ask about the contract, the terms and stuff like this, but Fuller was faster: "You won't believe me who I chose for the role of doctor Lecter!“ After a dramatic pause, Fuller literally overwhelmed Dancy: "Mads Mikkelsen!“ Hugh slowly placed his cup of coffee on the table. If Fuller would have looked at his face more closely, he would have noticed how the Brit's pupils widened momentarily. How his heart skipped a beat and his ears turned into a bright red. No, Hugh wasn't in love with Mads. Not back then. But he remembered him, and after all those years he felt the incredible urge to see him again. And he said "yes“, he accepted the job, without knowing any further details. One simple word was enough for him to change his mind. Mads.

The clock is ticking for everyone, but the age didn't spoil Mikkelsen. Yes, he grew older, but with it some confidence and serenity appeared, the mischief in his eyes was replaced by some aristocratic melancholy. The ideal posture, the smoothness, the coolness, at the same time mixed with politeness, made him an almost stereotypical European in the mind of Americans. He instantly charmed all the cast, and Dancy's admiration was a bit lost in the background of all the people. Everyone knew how great the Dane was: the astounding acting of the villain Le Chiffre, the award of the Cannes festival for the best actor and countless other awards to follow. But the joy of meeting an old friend mixed up with bitter envy. Dancy was almost fourty but what did HE succeed at? What could HE brag about, what did HE accomplish in the past ten years? This is how the crisis started.

Their friendship began anew. Hugh was incredibly glad, that Mads didn't forget him. The scenario was easy to learn, the work was even fun from time to time. But something was growing inside him, something dark and burning, fed on fascination and thoroughly hidden envy. Dancy didn't like scenes, in which doctor Lecter came very close to Will, because in those moments Hugh felt a strange excitement, and although nothing special happened, regardless of the cameras and projectors pointed at them, he felt uneasy. As if he was doing something wrong. As if there was some secret, some special tension between him and Mads which was suddenly visible to others. Hugh had never felt anything like this before while filming. No other actor made him feel as uneasy as he did.

In the interviews Hugh said that it was a great honour for him, being able to work with Mads Mikkelsen. But he never said that the Dane had become an idol for him, a role model to look up to, an object of almost fanatic obsession. No one knew that Dancy reread all the articles and reviews considering the Dane and rewatched all the movies with him. During the nights he would watch them with subtitles on his tablet with his headphones on, silently moving his lips and speaking the lines together with him. He imagined himself in those movies, the way he would have acted the one or the other scene out. Falling asleep, he would imagine himself and Mads on the red carpet, maybe even arriving at the "Oscars“. The tired and half asleep brain sometimes switched the images in Hugh's imagination and being on the red carpet turned into some other nonsense, like a fishing trip together or a walk in the park. Dancy tried to wave away those thoughts, because they planted seeds of doubt inside him and he didn't understand them. Hugh wanted to stay professional and think of Mads as an actor, but in his subconscious, in his censored part of mind, there were other desires tearing their way to freedom under his mask of decency and turning into his wet dreams, which Dancy couldn't remember in the morning. But he knew he felt very uneasy, ashamed and excited about Mads Mikkelsen.

It was an obsession. The Dane filled Hugh Dancy's mind with him, which, of course, was easy to notice in their everyday conversations. The Brit would either stay away from Mads, avoiding even looking at him, or he would literally force himself onto him, following him around everywhere, even if he just needed a smoke. Then they just stood there silently. Mads would smoke and smile, lost in his own thoughts, and Hugh would sit beside him and look at the sky above the filming pavillons. No one really cared about the leading actor's behaviour, because Hugh tended to behave in an unpredictable way anyway lately. He would argue with everyone because of small things, would be hysterical, work until exhaustion, he would ask for some time off on a usual day just because he needed some time to relax. Everyone knew the reason, they speculated about the envy Hugh experienced for the achievements of his old friend, but, generally, he didn't care.

The situation started to take a dangerous turn of events after the meeting, where Fuller started questioning the unclear relationship between Will and Hannibal dead serious for the first time. The possibility of working even closer to Mads seemed to tear down some of his innermost restraints and the thoughts, which only occured in his dreams until now, started to visit Dancy while he was wide awake. In the most inappropriate moments. 

They were fiming a scene inside Will's prison cell. Hugh kept rushing from wall to wall like a trapped animal, accusing "Doctor Lecter“ of different things. Mikkelsen listened to all of it, sometimes slipping some ironic comments, which were lovingly written by the screenwriters. Everything went perfect. Then Hannibal touched a fake dashboard on a wall and, in this moment, one of the assistants, which was out of sight for the cameras, opened the door of the prison cell with a loud creeky noise.

"What are you doing?“ Hugh followed the scenario, acting out his surprise and fear. 

Mads stepped into the "cage“, Hugh made a step back. And another one. And another one until he touched the fake stone wall with his back. Mikkelsen, however, continued approaching him. Two cameras were filming the scene, accompanied by a barely audible buzzing sound. One was filming Mads, the other one the frightened Hugh. His heart was beating like crazy, it seemed like Dancy really became Will Graham, which was threateningly approached by the most dangerous psychopath and cannibal of America. 

"Doctor...“ the Brit started whispering but stuttered as Mikkelsen stopped a few steps away from him. The scenario slipped out of his head, it felt empty and heavy. Breathing was hard and his chest felt tight.

"Let me help you, Will“, Mads exhaled huskily. He smelled like tobacco, after shave and something else, something special and unique, somehing only he smelled like.

Hugh's eyes flicked from the flowery tie to his smoothly shaved chin, then down again, on his glistening cufflink, on the neat handkerchief inside his chest pocket, and up again, on his slightly smirking lips....Oh God...Hugh couldn't remember the words. He was struck, mesmerized by the closeness of Mads. Fuller didn't stop the filming process. With the silence in the room it seemed like they were on their own. Making a great effort, Dancy forced himself to look up a bit higher. The thin nose. The sharp cheekbones. And, finally, his eyes. Dark, like a hot summer night. Close. Too close. And then Mads lowered his eyes a bit and Hugh literally felt him looking at his lips. The Dane opened his mouth a little bit and Dancy percieved the scent of cigarettes again. He was dizzy, he felt his own blood pumping through his head, and Hugh, losing every last bit of common sense, not being aware of his own actions, reached out for those hypnotizing, slightly open lips.

"Cut!“ Fuller barked and Dancy, who only managed to make the tiniest movement towards Mads, jumped up, frightened, instantly realising which mistake he was about to make. His whole blood rushed back from his face and it seemed like some cold hand clenched his heart. Mikkelsen stepped back, making the distance between their bodies feel more comfortable.

"Hugh!“ Bryan stood up from his chair and Dancy felt shivers down his spine. He glanced at the crew, startled.

"Hugh, this was amazing!“ The producer slapped his shoulder, which made the actor tumble. "So much passion, so much expression! This is exactly what the audience is looking forward to, this...ambiguity! Even I could have sworn that you were longing for Hannibal Lecter!“

Hugh's legs didn't want to hold him anymore, but thank god he was leaning on the wall with his back. Mads was just smirking, while taking out an opened pack of cigarettes out of his pocket on his way outside.

"This fear mixed with passion! This is exactly what I wanted! Hardcore bromance! Feelings on the edge!“ Fuller continued with his admiration. "In the montage we're going to make it as though you're looking at the stag! Ooh I can't wait to see the results!“

"The stag? What the fuck, why?!“ a voice screamed inside Hugh's head. His heart was bumping against his ribs and his mouth was dry. Shocked, Dancy realised that he was aroused. Cautiously glancing down he noticed with relief that the wide prison clothes were hiding this faux pas.

"Break.“ Mikkelsen announced and headed towards the exit of the pavillon.

"Yeah, yeah, break...“ Fuller was already digging something out in another scenario, the cameras were switched off and the operators went outside, chatting. The makeup artist was already on her way to Hugh but he waved her off. He didn't know, whether someone noticed his urges, his desire to kiss Mads, but even if they didn't, they probably would while watching the montage. Fear was tying his stomach together like a knot and the Brit hurried outside of the pavillon as well.

There was a pleasant breeze outside. People were walking up and down. Hugh didn't know many of them at all. It was a huge complex of pavillons which was rented by a dozen of different filming crews from different TV shows. Two operators were smoking in the corner, glancing at Hugh from time to time. Dancy was looking for Mads. Finally, he found the athletic silhouette of the Dane. He was standing in the shadow of a big tree, which had almost no leaves left on it, since it was the end of November. Hugh stepped towards him.

"Hard work, isn't it?“ Mads wasn't smiling but his eyes were gleaming mischievously.

„Yes, the scene was a bit tense“, Hugh admitted cautiously, leaning with his back on the tree and closing his eyes. Maybe in his subconscious he wanted it to happen again. He wanted Mikkelsen to approach him again so Hugh would feel his breath against his lips, so the urge to reach and finally percieve not only the scent but also the taste of Mads Mikkelsen would appear again...without a Bryan Fuller with his "Cut!“

But the Dane kept standing where he was, lazily pulling on his cigarette and watching his partner with some interest.

"What did you want?“ he asked with a smile.

Hugh opened his eyes and looked at him.

"What do you mean?“

"What did you want to do before Bryan said cut?“ Mads was smiling and Hugh felt that the Dane was playing with him. Oh God, he knows! He knows that Hugh wants him, knows his struggles, thoughts and dreams! He felt his heartbeat somewhere in his throat but instead of being scared, Dancy felt kind of delighted. Mikkelsen exhaled a thin stream of smoke without breaking eye contact. It seemed as if he was laughing just with his eyes. He was radiating confidence, content and, as it seemed to the Brit, approval. All his appearance screamed: "You know it, I know it, why won't we just do it?“ Still a bit drunk on the emotions of the shooting, Hugh made a step towards Mads. Another one. The distance between them was even closer than in the scene, 10 centimetres maybe. Dancy had lost control over himself completely, especially because Mikkelsen didn't step back, didn't turn away, he didn't even look away. Mads stood there with his self-confident smile, looking at him from above and waiting.

This time Hugh couldn't even make the tiniest move.

"Mads, Bryan is calling!“ some assistant shouted.

Hugh almost sweared. Hate and annoyance towards this poor assistant, who was only doing his job, burst inside his chest.

"You were great. I hope he won't have issues with me though.“ Mads threw the unfinished cigarette on the ground and headed quickly towards the pavillon.

Dancy watched him, feeling a strange mixture of disappointment, anger and fear. Maybe it was good that they were distracted? Who knows what Mads really thought he would do. Maybe Hugh just imagined that the Dane understood everything and, more importantly, approved of it. Maybe his experiment would have ended with a broken nose. After all, Mikkelsen had a wive and kids, he was a perfect family father, so why should he approve ot the strange kinks of his colleague? Yes, probably they just misunderstood each other. And god bless that assistant, otherwise their friendship would have ended here and now, under this goddamn tree.

Clouds appeared and covered the sun, making it much colder outside in an instant. Hugh shivered. Now he was just hurt. He experienced what doctor Lecter would have called frustration. The inability to fulfil the dreams or wishes. He felt an incredible urge to know what Mads' kisses felt like. Would he be pushy or reserved? Would he place his hand on his neck or pull him closer towards him by grabbing his clothes? And how long would it take until the kiss wouldn't be enough for him and his lips wold trail down Hugh's chin, down his neck, at the same time as his hands would start ripping off his clothes?....

Hugh closed his eyes and bit his lip. The arousal was rising inside him again, unbearably strong, insatiable. He percieved the scent of tobacco, as if Mads was still there beside him. Slightly opening his eyes, Dancy noticed the still fuming cigarette on the ground.

He craved for the taste of Mads Mikkelsen.

No. He wouldn't do this. It was stupid, dangerous, insane!

There were tons of people. What if someone saw him? What if HE saw him...

Bending down quickly, Hugh picked up the cigarette. His fingers were shaking so hard he was afraid to drop it again. This time he wouldn't pick it up though. Still not believing he was doing this, he brought the fuming cigarette towards his lips. As soon as they touched the filter, he inhaled at the cigarette for the first time in his life. His head was spinning and he wasn't sure whether it was because of the smoke or because of the realisation of what exactly he was doing. His whole being seemed to be filled with Mads, he was breathing him, when really he was just breathing in the scent of Pall Mall. Euphoria hit him. Happiness on the verge of hysteria. Hugh burst out into laughter, at the same moment feeling tears building up in the corners of his eyes.

„I love Mads Mikkelsen.“ He whispered through his laughter. „I'm such a fool.“


	3. Doubts and Torments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some smut in this chapter! Yea!
> 
>  
> 
> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!!  
> Credit goes to: ficbook.net/readfic/174147

Hugh returned on set right after the break. It seemed as though no one had noticed his absence. Dancy stepped towards the set "mortuary“, where the lights were being adjusted and the decorations were being moved noisily. Steve, a second year student from the local acting school, was sitting there on a metal table. The makeup artists thoroughly transformed him into a corpse. In the scenario, the victim passed away from a gruesome skin infection, which literally had to cover the whole body with rotting ulcers.

"People would do anything for credit.“ a deep voice above his ear said.

The Brit jumped up from surprise. He hadn't noticed that Mads was beside him at all.

"What did Bryan tell you?“ Hugh asked a bit nervous, avoiding looking at the colleague. His hands trembled treacherously and he felt slightly dizzy.

Mikkelsen looked at Dancy, tilting his head a bit.

"Nothing much. We just discussed the schedule for next week.“

Hugh didn't say anything, he just rubbed his neck nervously. He felt awfully stupid exposing his interest, but not getting anything in return. This even hurt a bit.

Mads looked at the student again, "petrified“ in his triumphant pose. Seemed like the boy was bursting with pride because, although he was just in his second year, he had the chance to shine in a popular TV show. His classmates might just be playing the crowd in yogurt commercials. 

"But somehow, I wouldn't envy him.“ the Dane said lost in thought, watching how the makeup artists carefully applied a thick substance on the white face of Steve. "This stuff, well, the "dead“ makeup, it smells awful. Like cheap plastic. And it's very hard to get it off your skin. It irritates the skin and you get all itchy. I wouldn't envy this guy at all...“

"I'm sure this is not what HE thinks.“ Hugh felt his heart beat faster. What the hell was going on!? He couldn't even be in the same room with Mads anymore without getting nervous.

"Yeah, it could be worse.“ Mads smiled a bit "For example, if Fuller eventually decided to make Hannigram canon.“

Dancy felt like he was hit on the back of his head. He slowly looked up towards the Dane.

"What?“

"Now, you see, I'm not a homophobe.“ Mikkelsen smiled, showing his teeth, "But I still like to be as traditional and near to the original as possible, I mean to Harris' books. I hope Fuller will listen to me and will introduce a female character worthy of Hannibal. Because this whole Bromance thing...“ he stopped and thought for a few seconds, while Hugh looked at him confused. "You know, there's one thing. If you make a movie about homosexuals from the beginning, this turn of events would be reasonable and obvious. But here...I think it's just too much. I have played enough gays in my time so I don't need this anymore. It's annoying and even kind of disgusting. You can't get used to this, even after playing in hundreds of movies. It's always much more pleasant to kiss a woman. It's a pity Anderson has a new project right now. I would have loved a relationship between Hannibal and Bedelia, you know?“

Mikkelsen jokingly pinched Hugh's shoulder and then went over to Fishburne. They were about to film a scene together in the "mortuary“ location on schedule. Dancy's brain was processing what he just heard. Did Mads just admit to him that he wasn't fond of this bromance? Did he just announce that "agent Scully“ was much more attractive to him than the "unstable profiler“?

"What were you thinking, Hugh?“, the bitter voice inside his head said. "Shit, he's married almost since high school, he's got two grown up kids...Throughout all your communication you didn't notice any hints that he would be interested in you. Do you think he would have let you kiss him? HA. He just didn't understand what you wanted from him. It's just your screwed up brain playing games with you, giving you the idea that you could achieve mutual feelings from Mads Mikkelsen!“

The inner voice was as harsh as usual. And it was also as right as usual. Hugh felt a sharp feeling of despair, feeling like something was stuck in his throat. He wiped his forehead with his hand, trying to keep it together. The scent...Dancy sniffed on his fingers with shock. The scent of cigarettes! As though he was caught doing something inappropriate, he looked around. No one was looking at him, everyone was busy with their own stuff. The filming would start in a few minutes. The scent of cigarettes, the scent of Mads...This is all he had left. He could only hope that Fuller would introduce Hannigram to the show. And then Mads would kiss him, even forcibly, even if it's just for the camera, strictly following the scenario...Unbearable, but it seemed like Hugh could not hope for more than this.

Hugh spent the rest of the day as though looking through a deep fog.

In the evening Dancy bought himself some bottles of dark beer. As soon as he was in his apartment, which the NBC was renting for him, the actor threw his huge pile of paper, which was his scenario, on the bed. You film in the morning, you study at night. Hugh brought his hand up to his face again. Throughout the evening the scent almost faded from his skin, but the tiny, barely noticeable smell was teasing him and forcing him to feel like a drug addict, sniffing it again and again. 

Dancy took off his clothes, leaving him only in his underwear. He should take a shower but he was too tired for this. He let himself fall down onto his bed and a moan escaped his mouth through his teeth. There was just no way out of this. He could still hear the mocking voice with the european accent inside his head. "You know?“ "played enough gays“ "disgusting“ "It's always much more pleasant to kiss a woman“ "You know?“ "You know?“

No, he didn't know, for fuck's sake! Hugh furiously turned over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He remembered the movies where Mads played homosexuals. It didn't seem as though he wasn't enjoying it. Although, of course, he was a good actor. No, he was an amazing actor! The awards are the proof.

Hugh turned his head. Beside him was the pile of paper with his scenario. "Homework“ for the weekend. Eighty pages of text. Fuck work. Fuck life!

Dancy pushed the pile down from his bed, annoyed. Reaching the bedside table, Hugh pulled his laptop down on his bed. He opened it. Well, seems like he should look up what this Hannigram thing is Mads was talking about. Why hadn't he done this earlier?

Choosing to go the easy way, Dancy just typed Hannigram into his search engine. Google gave him around 250 000 results. Swallowing, Hugh clicked on the pictures. And the huge amount of information seemed to literally drown him. Blood rushed to his face and it was suddenly much hotter in his room. He felt dizzy by the vast amount of different kinds of pictures. There were fan made drawings, drawn by hand or digitally, or even edited photos. Photoshop really was some kind of magic, because on the internet it seemed that Hugh hadn't only "tasted Mads“, but had done it in different positions, places and, god forbid, in different costumes. There was one edited picture where he was wearing a negligee and stockings. Stockings! Shaking his head, Hugh scrolled down. The pictures were demonstrating the astounding creativity of their fans, as well as an excessive amount of perversion. It seemed like often the "creators“ compensated their lack of talent by a pornographic perversion. Not being able to handle even a minute with his searching results, Hugh shakily closed the browser, missing the red cross in the corner of the window once. 

"I can't unsee this anymore.“ Hugh told himself, trying to calm down. Yes, this was hard. He didn't have a clue how this might be arousing or even beautiful. Maybe one minute wasn't enough to judge the art of their fans, but he saw a lot of stuff which would make even the best profiler of the FBI feel sick. 

But still, he decided to give Hannigram a second chance. Dancy dared to open the browser and type the scary word into the engine again. This time the Brit didn't open the pictures. Instead, he skimmed through the pages google suggested him to look at. It seemed as if there was a huge amount of stories written by their fans, dedicated to their characters' relationship. This was more appropriate to Hugh, since there were no pictures in a text and the main characters were Will and Hannibal, not Hugh and Mads. This could only mean that he wouldn't be as traumatised as after viewing the pictures. Entering one of the fanfiction websites Dancy spent around half an hour looking for "THE“ story which would lead him to a conclusion about this topic. He would read just one. The criteria for his search were the amount of positive comments as well as the amount of likes on the work. 

"Oh lord...“ Hugh sighed and, after opening the story, he started to read it.

The beginning was quite harmless. It resembled the series a lot, which was a joy for Hugh. It seemed like it was some scene that was cut from an episode. Even Fuller would have admitted this. The writing style was clear and understandable, he noticed that the author approached this story lovingly. But like a disease, the hidden virus of Hannigram started to show itself. First it was just Hannibal throwing glances at Will, then his almost harmless proposition for Will to stay over night, because "it is pouring outside. You came here without a coat or an umbrella and I, as your doctor and friend, simply do not have the right to let you go outside, Will“. The following events made Hugh's heart bump faster. Doctor Lecter changed the whole situation with such an elegance and ease that Will Graham was ready to surrender himself to him voluntarily. When Will fell down on his knees in front of his psychiatrist, Dancy's pupils widened. When the profiler started to caress Hannibal with his hand through the thin fabric of his trousers, Hugh pressed his fingers against his lips. When Graham finally started pleasing Hannibal with his mouth, which was described by the author in every little detail, the Brit caught himself nervously biting his fingers. He was almost jealous. Yes, no one would show this on TV, except maybe on cable TV...a special episode...Hugh blinked slowly. Arousal was building inside him like a wave. His eyes were fixed on the screen, hungrily reading the story. The events evolved rapidly and the pictures formed in the actor's head. Hannibal pushed Will, meaning Hugh, almost roughly onto the kitchen table. The table was so hard that a sharp ache was spreading throughout his back while hitting it with his ribs. Yes, Hugh could almost feel it! Hannibal was standing above him. His lips were sliding down the neck of Graham, leaving a trail of lovebites. 

The expensive bottle of wine fell down onto the floor. Hugh could hear the noise in his head. The scent of alcohol and spices, of roasted meat and cigarettes. Lecter didn't smoke, but Lecter didn't exist either. There was just Mads Mikkelsen, who was tearing off his clothes, groaning, grabbing his hips, spreading his legs and...

Hugh closed his eyes. His breath was heavy. His body was covered with sweat. He couldn't even imagine how a simple text might arouse him that much. With a trembling hand he closed his laptop. It would be better not to know, not to dream, not to imagine this...Nothing like this would ever happen, why should he tease himself like this?

Dancy buried his face in the blanket. He felt shivers of excitement all over his body. It seemed like he had never lusted for anyone as much as he lusted for Mads right now. His eyes came back to his memory, incredibly vivid, his voice, his mischievous smile, his warm breath, his strong arms...His hands smelled like cigarettes too. This smell might pe permanent right now after years of smoking. Hugh pressed his own fingers against his lips, picturing that this is Mads' hand. He closed his eyes and slowly licked his fingers, imagining the face of Mikkelsen, filled with desire. 

"Take me“ Hugh whispered into the pillow, not opening his eyes. "Take me“

His voice was husky, aroused, and it filled Dancy with even more need. He imagined, that the Dane would sound exactly like this. Deep and vibrating. Oh, he would give anything in the world to hear genuine arousal in Mads' voice!

Dancy's hand slid down his tense body. His fingers, covered in saliva, left a wet trace. He coated them more with his saliva, for what he wanted to do next needed them to be lubricated enough.

He had never done this before. He had never experimented, not even as a teenager. He grew up in a religious family, so just the thought that you could feel pleasure down "THERE“ wasn't appropriate and guaranteed a one-way trip to hell. But he was almost fourty, he experimented with smoking today, what about something else? It's his body and his life after all...No one is here, no one would know...

Hugh slid one digit inside him. And almost immediatly a second one. It was really tight and hot in there. The Brit thought, almost with spite, that Mads wouldn't get this kind of pleasure from him. But, as he could tell by the way he felt, it must be more awesome than with a woman. Spreading on his own bed and kicking down his underwear, Dancy continued to penetrate himself in a slow motion, biting his lips and thinking of the calm Dane. His arousal wasn't getting less but it also wasn't building up. But as soon as Hugh thought that the rumours of that "anal pleasure“ were a bit exaggerated, his fingers slid a bit deeper and brushed the sensitive spot. The man's body spasmed in pleasure and he knew he was close. With trembling hands Hugh pressed this spot again and almost moaned out loud. The wave of pleasure rolled over him once again, this time it was stronger. Clenching the sheets with his other hand, Dancy arched his back and started his systematic assault on the sweet spot, imitating the movement of a dick inside him. He gave in to the sensations. He would need just a few more thrusts until he came. And then Hugh suddenly realised, that he might come without even touching his manhood once.

And in this inappropriate moment his nearby lying phone began to ring.

Pissed off, Dancy turned his head towards his smartphone. Who would call him at a moment like this?

Mads was looking at him from the screen. The picture was taken a short time ago on one of his shootings. Even from this static photo, the Dane managed to look at him with the knowing smile and delight in his dark eyes. As if he could see Hugh, as if he was watching him. Now he was calling him, listening to the beeping tone while he was waiting for Dancy to pick up, and at the same time Hugh Dancy was looking at his phone, masturbating, while thinking of him...

The sudden orgasm hit him hard, shattering his world into millions of shards. Hugh was laughing. He was laughing for the first time during an orgasm. And the phone was still ringing. 

"Persistent fucker.“ Dancy thought. His lips formed into an amused smile and his body trembled pleasantly after his release. He took the phone in his hands and picked up.

"Hello Mads“


	4. Lucky Bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN! Credit goes to: ficbook.net/readfic/174147
> 
> plot twists. plot twists everywhere.

"Hi, am I interrupting you?“, Mads said with a cheerful voice. Somewhere in the background Hugh could hear cars driving by.

He smiled. The sweet dullness had already spread over his limbs, making him feel at ease, and the husky voice of Mikkelsen was all Dancy needed to be happy right now.

"No, I'm reading the scenario.“, he answered lazily.

"You sure don't sound like it.“, the Dane chuckled, forcing nervosity upon Hugh. "Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself. Why I'm calling...“

For a short time there was silence between them.

"Do you want to go somewhere for a drink with me?“

The news were so unexpected that Dancy sat up on his bed. His heart skipped a beat and then started to hammer like crazy. For a drink? With Mads? They never went out together! Well, maybe with the crew like, for example, after finishing a season. But just the two of them...Hugh decided to make sure it was real.

"You and me?“

"No, Hannibal and Will!“

The Brit pictured the smirking Mads, standing with his phone somewhere in the middle of a street, lit by the warm light of a street lantern. The wind ruffling his slightly grey hair, but his forever young eyes sparkling with joy.

"Well anyway, I'm waiting for you on the junction of Colledge and Beverly street. There's a nice irish pub and, if you haven't managed to spoil yourself with the horrible american beer, I suggest to spend the evening with a glass of a real lager!“

"Uhm...“ Hugh hesitated. On the one hand, he was almost bursting with happiness because Mads called him to meet up on his own. But on the other hand, doubts were rising inside him. It was too good to be true. Despite of all the interest Hugh showed him, despite of the desire to get closer to him, they still haven't grown closer than being mere "colleagues, who have a good working relationship“. Work was still work and their private lives didn't touch their "friendship“. These things were close, unbearably close, but still separate, with no chance of interwining. And this sudden request, like some severe violation of fundamental rules, overwhelmed Hugh. It must have been a provocation. "You know, I know, do we have to say it out loud?" Or was it just Hugh's desire to think so? Anyway, this was the crossing line. Everything depended on his answer now, because if he gave in to his doubts and refused, Mads might never call to go out with him again. But if he accepted...

"What do you say? No, there's no problem if you're busy. I'll just invite someone...“

"I'm coming!“ Hugh blurted out into the phone. Blood flushed into his face. He accepted. He took the risk. But if this was a provocation...

"Okay, meet you in half an hour.“ Mikkelsen hung up.

Dancy was sitting on his bed, still struggling to believe what was going on. He should think it over. If the events developed in an unfavorable way, he could lose a friend (okay, a "colleague, who he is in a good working relationship with“). He could lose interest in his work, severely damaging the working process of the whole crew. The mildest thing that could happen is he might return home with a broken jaw. But with a favorable turn of events he would be able to satisfy his needs and sleep with him...

The wave of arousal hit Hugh again. He felt shivers down his spine and closed his eyes again. This possibility seemed more reasonable than ever. The temptation was huge, but he had to be careful about this...

And there was something else. Something deep down in Hugh Dancy's heart. What if...what if it wasn't just lust? What if, when he fulfilled his desires, it wouldn't be enough for him? What if his obsession with the ironic Dane would evolve from a psychological to a physical state? What if...his infatuation would grow into something much stronger?

He didn't want to think about this, because those thoughts were like jumping into the darkness. It was foolish to think that he would have a soft landing...

***

The taxi Hugh was in passed the Queen-Park and the Brit noticed Mads' Toyota, parked accurately between an SUV and a bus station. Dancy swallowed hard. Why would Mads come here by car if they wanted to have a drink together?

On the opposite side of the street he saw the shining neon letters on a four-leafed clover of the irish pub "Lucky's“.

Inside, the pub was noisy, crowded and foggy because of all the smoke. Dancy stood in the entryway, lost, not knowing where to go and where to look for Mads. But the man had already found him, literally materializing out of the crowd. He wore dark jeans, a T-shirt with some kind of anarchic design and an other shirt on top of it, unbuttoned with rolled up sleeves. The Dane's hair was a bit messy and would always fall into his face. Now Hugh thought he looked like fourty or even younger. 

"I was tired of waiting.“. Mads said, leading him to a far away table. "It's friday, so of course it's crowded. But I managed to find the best table.“

It was really very comfortable in this place. The musicians were playing their music far away from them, so they could have a conversation without losing their voice the next day. Two big glasses of beer with the logo of this pub were waiting for them on the table. The fluffy foam of the beer attracted Hugh almost as much as the athletic body of Mads. At least he could satisfy one of his needs right now. He took a sip.

"I've ordered some garlic bread but if it's not enough you can order whatever you want.“ The Dane sat down opposite Hugh.

"Why did you decide to go for a drink today?“ Dancy almost added "with me“, but he managed to get ahold of himself soon enough. It would have sounded miserable.

"Hanne went to Denmark with the kids. Some kind of a wedding, I didn't ask. Now I'm a free man until wednesday.“

"It's really nice of you to ask me to join you.“ Hugh smiled, lowering his eyes. 

"It seems to me that there is some misunderstanding between the two of us.“

Dancy looked up at him, startled. Mads looked back at him, squinting slightly.

"So why did you come by car if you wanted to drink?“; Hugh changed the topic awkwardly. He felt his ears burning.

"I live not far away from here.“ Mikkelsen smiled. "Haven't you been to my place yet?“

It was an innocent question. But Hugh could swear on his career that there was some bigger, hidden meaning behind that.

"No, I just knew you lived somewhere in this area.“ Dancy answered a bit too cheerful. "I'll go get myself another beer“

He emptied his 0,5 in merely three minutes. He headed towards the bar. While waiting in line (there seemed to be at least thirty people waiting), Hugh questioned, whether Mads was hitting on him or not. But on the other hand, earlier today Mads clearly stated that he was a man of tradition and didn't like being with men. He was contradicting himself and it was torturing the Brit. If only he knew for sure...

As he went back to their table, Dancy noticed some girl talking merrily with Mads. She was maximum twenty five years old, talking to him full of excitement. The man was just giving her a confused smile and nodded all the time. The woman was melting from his charm. Hugh stopped at an other table nearby, where a group of students was having a great time, and watched Mads and the girl. She handed him a piece of paper, which Mikkelsen signed with his creative autograph. The girl nodded, flipping her golden hair, and was almost on her way back to her friends as Mads grabbed her hand and pulled it, as if he was asking to bend down a bit. The woman blushed and lowered her head. Mads whispered something into her ear. The polite smile on the Dane's face turned into something vicious. The woman blushed even more, blinked a few times, babbled something, embarassed, and hurried away.

"Who was that?“, Hugh asked, although he could have guessed.

"A charming fan.“ Mads stretched lazily like a cat, looking like his usual self again.

"What did you tell her?“

Mads smirked, looking at his friend with mischief in his eyes. Seemed like he would take his time answering. These few seconds were enough for Hugh to understand that this nagging feeling inside him was jealousy. Hugh sat down on his chair, fighting the disappointment and frustration. Mads was looking for his fan in the crowd.

"She has a nice ass.“, the man said dreamy. "And her voice is so innocent, like an angel...“

Dancy clenched his jaw so hard his teeth started to hurt.

"Have you ever thought of having "fun" with a fan?“ Mikkelsen winked at him."„It's strictly forbidden but you can always risk it“

"Have you risked it?“ Hugh devoured his beer as though he wanted to drown his anger with alcohol.

"Shame on you, asking stuff like this. I'm a family father!“ Mads said with an overacted shock. And he laughed. He didn't answer the question. Hugh could have killed him for this.

"I heard the hiatus would be postponed for a week. And I have already booked my flight to the coast.“ Mads started to talk about work.

The conversation changed into a safe direction and Hugh allowed himself to relax. They were talking about work, about the taxes, perspectives, then politics, about the conflicts in western Europe, then Mads told him some funny stories from his "ballet times“, whereas Hugh told him about his "modelling times“. Hugh didn't feel the time pass. 

After another glass of beer, the already pretty drunk Hugh said:

"Shit, Mads! Why haven't we spent more time together earlier? It's so great!“

The Dane, who drank a lot less then Hugh, just smiled.

"We missed up on this, but it's easy to change.“

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, while Dancy was rambling on:

"You know what I like about you? It seems like you're calm, even cold, but if you make friends with someone, they learn that you are a fun and interesting guy to be with and can talk pretty much about everything. I lose track of time and even money being together with you. I wonder how much money we have spent in here because I haven't got a lot of cash with me.“

Hugh laughed light-heartedly, losing his head completely. 

"It's called armod og kærlighed ere onde at dölge* in Denmark.“ Mads said, looking at the cheerful Brit with a squint.

Hugh stiffened a bit. The phrase in Danish was fascinating and frightening him at the same time. He realised that he might have told him too much. And he promised to himself to be careful tonight!

"What does that mean?“, he smiled a bit confused.

"Happy people don't look at the clock“, the Dane answered looking into his eyes. He placed the cigarette into his mouth and lit it.

Hugh relaxed a bit, but too soon, as it seemed. 

"Want some?“, Mikkelsen asked all of a sudden, handing him the pack of cigarettes.

Dancy stared at his hand as if the man was holding a gun.

"I...I don't smoke.“ Hugh felt panic rising inside him through his drunk brain. It wasn't processing fast enough.

"Ah yes, I'm not offering it the right way.“, Mikkelsen remembered. He smoked a bit on his own cigarette and handed it to the pale Hugh.

"You don't have to wait for me to throw it away.“ Mads smiled. His smile was as vicious as the one he gave his fan.

Hugh watched the fuming cigarette the Dane was offering him with horror in his eyes. He heard his heart beat up in his throat and his head emptied itself completely.

"One of the operators told me that you picked up my cigarette today and finished smoking it.“ 

Not one thought in his brain.

"It seemed a bit...mmm...strange to me.“

Not even one fucking thought in his brain!

"I thought that if you just wanted to have a smoke, you'd just have asked. But it's not about the cigarettes, right?“

"I...Excuse me for a second,“ Hugh jumped up so abruptly that he almost knocked over the chair. He felt dizzy. Mads eyed him from top to bottom, but there was no mockery or disgust in his eyes. They were just ordinary, dark eyes, in which Hugh Dancy's soul had drowned long ago.

He needed to freshen up. Making his way through the crowd, Hugh fought himself through to the restroom. It was a small room with dark green tiles and walls sprayed with graffiti. Stepping towards the mirrors and leaning on the sink, Hugh looked into his own eyes. They were filled with fear, despair and burning lust. Yes, he was a naive fool to think he could hide it! And he cursed this goddamn beer! Hugh sweared. He didn't know what to say once he would return to their table. He just wanted to escape. Through the window. Except there was no window. Hugh eyed his reflection again. His messy hair framed his face with soft curls and went down to his neck. His leather jacket, as well as the stubble on his chin and cheeks, didn't make him seem more confident. And his huge eyes framed by his long, curled eyelashes, looked especially meek. The paleness faded and the blush returned onto his cheeks – whether it was because he was drunk or out of embarassment.

Dancy washed his face. The cold water made him feel a bit more sober. Bending down, Hugh started to drink the water right out of the sink. In this moment the door banged behind him. Someone entered. The Brit lowered his head and looked at his own hands, which were clinging at the sink.

"Please, let it be some other guy. Oh God please, please just walk by.“, Hugh prayed to himself in his head, not finding the courage to look up and look into the mirror.

The steps were getting closer. Just four steps.

He was standing right behind him. Hugh felt someone's breath on the back of his head. He couldn't breathe. He didn't look up but he was one hundred percent sure he knew WHO was standing behind him. He would never mistake HIS scent with anything else. 

"Are you planning to run away from me forever?“, a voice said silently into his ear. 

Hugh felt shivers down his spine. Mads bent down towards him, leaning on the sink, placing his hands right beside his. He was pressing against him! The Brit looked up immediately. Mikkelsen looked at him from behind his shoulder with a smile on his lips.

"I'm fourty eight, Hugh“ Mads said, lookind directly into his eyes. "I can tell if someone wants me or not.“

Dancy opened his mouth but couldn't make a sound. But as soon as Mads pushed something seductively hard against Hugh's lower back, a soft moan escaped his lips, giving him away.

"You asked why I invited you here? For this. Because I knew you would never approach me on your own.“, Mads whispered directly into his ear, touching it with his hot lips. "If you really want this, my home is at our disposal for today.“

He backed away and walked out of the restroom. Dancy hesitated just for a few seconds and then sprinted out right after him.

Mads Mikkelsen unhurriedly made his way through the crowd. There was nothing in the whole world Hugh feared more than losing track of this broad back right now. The Dane left some cash at the bar and pulled his jacket off the hanger before leaving the pub. Never looking back. He knew that Hugh Dancy was following him.

And he was right.

***

* One can't hide poverty and love. (Danish proverb)


	5. Stability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN! Credit goes to: ficbook.net/readfic/174147
> 
> FINALLY!!! HERE COMES DA SMUT!!!

The cold wind was getting stronger the later it got, blowing against Hugh's shoulders. It was much colder outside than earlier, but Dancy didn't feel it. His whole body seemed to be on fire. He walked behind Mads with an excitement of a little kid. This was an unpleasant comparison. He couldn't just turn back and go. It was impossible to end what seemed like delusion to him. It was like a sweet dream, but inside him a feeling was rising that it would end as a nightmare. Later. He didn't even want to think of what would be later.

Mikkelsen entered his car and started the engine. Hugh opened the car's door with shaking hands. While he was sitting down, he was feeling dizzy because of all the excitement. The car smelled like tobacco. The scent has eaten itself into the leather seats.

"Why so lost?“ Mads smiled at him cheerfully. Dancy looked at him, almost in horror. He didn't understand. Maybe he imagined things while he was drunk and they aren't heading towards the Dane's home with a certain objective? Maybe all of this was a joke? "Hey, you really fell for it? Why should I sleep with you? Hahaha!“

"Haha“ silently repeated Hugh, echoing his thoughts.

"Are you okay?“ Mads was still smiling but there was some kind of confusion in his eyes.

"Where are we going?“ Hugh asked just in case. He couldn't take his eyes off Mads' left hand holding the steering wheel firm in its grip, its thumb stroking the leather as though he was caressing it. 

"My flat?“ The Dane raised one eyebrow and smirked. "No, you definitely shouldn't drink that much“

Hugh finally managed to look away from the steering wheel and looked at his friend, who was focusing on driving again. The car joined into a "stream“ of other cars, the tires screeching on the asphalt. 

They haven't been driving for long. It was just the right amount of time to spend in silence without it being awkward. Maybe ten, fifteen minutes. Hugh thought of stability. He had a job. A wife. A friend. What would be after...this? What would be after tonight? Was there hope that, once the lust was satisfied, everything would go back to what it was before? Was he ready to risk everything to fulfil just one desire, one that wasn't really appropriate?

Searching for an answer Dancy looked at Mads. He looked away from the street to meet the other man's eyes, smiled and winked at him.

Hugh smiled back timidly. He drowned the voice of his conscience, of his mind. He understood that if he refused now, he would be cursing himself for the rest of his life. It's better to regret what you've done than what you've missed. 

Mads stopped near a high building. They both went out of the car and headed towards the lobby.

"Good evening, Jim“ the Dane greeted the concierge friendly. Everything Hugh could do is just nod nervously. Now he felt almost like a criminal.

They entered the lift and Mads pressed the button "14“. The doors closed silently. Hugh swallowed. A soft, silent music was playing in the lift and the bright light reflected from the white walls blinded him, reminding him of an operation room. Dancy's heart was beating desperately. Mikkelsen was so close to him that their shoulders almost touched. His nearness was driving Hugh crazy and he automatically turned to look at him. Mikkelsen was looking straight forward with a knowing smile. As if he was reading Hugh's thoughts, the Dane said:

"For security purposes, cameras are installed in the lifts.“

The Brit blushed instantly and slowly looked at the floor. And he wanted to hide something from this man!

With a soft, ringing sound, the lift came to a stop on the fourteenth floor. Hugh couldn't feel his legs out of sheer excitement while they were walking down the corridor towards Mads' door. Opening it, Mikkelsen stepped aside like a gentleman, making a welcoming gesture with his hand. Dancy looked at him startled and, taking a deep breath, he walked into the flat. It was dark inside. The light of the hallway nearly reached here, but once Mads followed him and closed the door, everything drowned in darkness. Hugh turned around, about to ask where the light switch was, but in the same second he was already pressed against the wall and a rough, hungry kiss blew every thought out of his head. 

The only thing that was important to him now was Mads. A lot of Mads. He filled every space inside him, his whole world. His breath, frantic, with the scent of cigarettes and just a little bit of beer, became one with Dancy's breath. Where was the ironic Dane? Calm, slightly lazy, predictable, familiar? He was an animal now. Passionate, hungry, untamed. The Brit had never been in someone's power as much as he was now. Mads wouldn't allow him to take the initiative and everything Hugh could do was press against the broad chest of his colleague, so he wouldn't be literally smashed against the wall.

For Mads the kiss was like quenching his thirst. Dancy could never have imagined how much suppressed passion was inside the intelligent European. And only when they were running short of air drastically, Mikkelsen allowed himself to back off a bit. 

"I could just køn* you right here.“, the Dane said with a husky voice.

Hugh felt the tension between the two of them rising. It was getting much hotter, but not in the room, it was inside them. Dancy's fingers slid down Mads' shirt and hesitantly stopped at his leather belt. It was his silent approval. Mikkelsen bent down a bit, coming closer to him and burning the already glowing cheeks of Dancy with his breath.

"Let's go.“

He grabbed Hugh's hand. Maneuvering between the furniture in the dark, it was a miracle Dancy didn't trip, he followed Mads into the depths of the flat. His eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness and Hugh started to see the contures of the furniture. Their short journey stopped at a bed, onto which Hugh was thrown shamelessly.

The world painfully shrunk to just the existence of Mads, to his thirsty lips, his hot breath, the sweet heaviness of his body...Hugh involuntarily moaned, arching underneath him on the soft bed, which was made by the caring hands of Hanne. Mikkelsen smiled, not breaking their kiss, and whispered something directly into Dancy's lips in his mysterious, rustling language. Hugh trembled realising that he isn't obeying the Dane just physically but with all his soul, his mind. He never wanted to belong to anyone else more than to Mads right now.

Mikkelsen let go of Hugh's swollen lips just to kiss the soft skin of his neck, forcing another frantic moan out of Dancy. He clung desperately to the Dane's shoulders, arching and unconsciously trying to press his own burning arousal against the desired body. But Mads, a sophisticated lover, didn't hurry, which made his caresses feel like a real torture. With a string of kisses he slid down the Brit's neck, unbuttoning his shirt at the same time. He nagged slightly at the collar bone, which sent Hugh shivers down his spine. He was frantically trying to undress Mikkelsen, but if the Dane's slow pace was meant to be a torture, the Brit's excitement was making everything harder. His fingers refused to work and the buttons refused to open. But when Hugh's patience was nearly done with, Mads suddenly tore off Dancy's shirt. The buttons rolled over the floor, disappearing in some dark corners. Hugh slid the torn shirt down his arms and let it fall down onto the floor, followed by Mikkelsen's shirt. And they fell onto the blankets again, not able to get enough of each other, to satisfy their needs. Hugh ran his fingers through Mads' hair, not letting him back away. His hair was very soft and seemed to be thin. It smelled like wind and something distant, which he already became familiar with. Hugh suddenly realised he was happy.

The biggest pleasure seemed to be their naked skin touching, but soon this wasn't enough. Mads started to lower his kisses down his collar bone, his chest, tracing a path down with his tongue. The farther down his lips were, the harder it was for Hugh to breathe. Once Mads' breath touched his lower abdomen, where his jeans ended, Dancy clenched the sheets, tilted his head an closed his eyes. Everything seemed unbelievable but real at the same time. Mikkelsen's palm on his languishing bulge. A clinging sound of unbelting. Strong hands were tearing off his jeans together with his underwear. The naked skin felt cold and incredibly hot at the same time. Hugh felt the touch of Mads' lips on the inner side of his thigh and, not able to hold back, he moaned, thrusting his hips upwards. 

“You want it so badly?” sarcastic voice of Mads. Husky. Deep. Shivers down his spine.

“Yes...”

“Say it.”

“Oh God...”

“Tell me what you want”

And he felt the teasing kisses on his thighs and on his lower abdomen again. The hot breath was just about the head of Hugh's manhood and he couldn't bear it. 

“Oh, fuck, yes! Please! Please!”, he was arching upwards again. Mads was smirking, noticing his embarassment. He didn't say it out loud yet, but the man still gave in. And Hugh felt everything at the same time. Lips, entwining the head of his cock and sliding down, his tongue, even teeth, slightly enclosing his flesh, creating an arousing feeling of danger, reminding him that he was in someone else's power. In the power of Mads Mikkelsen.

This might have been the best blowjob in Hugh's life. Well, at least in the past few years. And it wasn't about the technique, not about his abstinence. It was about Mads and the thought that everything was real. Huge waves of arousal were building inside Hugh, who was ready to drown in the fast approaching orgasm any moment. But the oral treatment was just the prelude and an apology for the following main act. 

When Dancy was ready to come, Mikkelsen suddenly backed away. The sigh of disappointment involuntarily escaped the Brit's lips and his hips arched upwards, after Mads. 

The Dane was smiling, Hugh could see the smirk and mischievous glimmer in his eyes through the darkness. He quickly flipped the Brit onto his stomach in a quite rough manner. Dancy gasped in surprise and felt Mads' heavy body pushing him into the bed. He placed kisses on his neck, biting the soft skin. A muffled moan escaped Dancys mouth while he pressed his manhood against the blanket. Too soft.

The Dane reached for the bedside table, pausing his caresses. While Mads, quietly swearing on his Danish language, was looking for something, Hugh listened. He heard his own, heavy breath, which would turn into an unpatient whining sound soon. He heard his own heartbeat. Fast, frantic. He heard the sirens of a fire truck, driving by somewhere in the streets.

Mikkelsen finally found what he was looking for. Hugh percieved the sound of opening a bottle and a nearly perceptible scent of berries. Mads unbelted his own trousers and let them fall down onto the floor. Mikkelsen bent down to him again, covering his neck, shoulders and back with soft kisses this time. Hugh felt something hard and hot press against his thighs. One doesn't have to be a profiler to know what it was. Hugh moaned and bit the pillow. He wanted to feel Mads inside him so bad, but at the same time he was incredibly scared. His own experience with his fingers seemed to be far away and surreal now. But Mads' manhood, which was already pressing against him, was pretty real and much bigger than Dancy would have expected.

“I think we should prepare you first.”, Mads whispered into his ear. With arousal, his accent was showing more and it was a turn on for Hugh, relieving him from his fear.

And he felt the first, lubricated finger of Mads slide inside him. Then the second, the third. He was trembling while Mikkelsen was moving his hand without a hurry. But as soon as the Dane's fingers brushed his prostate, a husky moan escaped the Brit's lips. He started moving his hips together with the hand, adjusting the angle of penetration. Mikkelsen knew that Dancy was ready.

His member was much bigger than his fingers, so the penetration hurt. Irrational fear forced Hugh to tense, making the pain worse, killing his arousal.

“Shh, shh.” Mikkelsen soothingly kissed his shoulder. “My dear, my sweet, elskede, ønskes**...”

Because of his voice and the soothing kisses the panic was fading, replaced by an unknown feeling, as if some emptiness inside him was finally being filled. Hugh relaxed and Mads' cock slid in completely. He hit Hugh's prostate and it pulsed in response. Dancy's almost faded arousal was rising again.

Once inside, Mads started to pull out slowly, brushing the sensitive spot inside Hugh again. And inside again, a bit faster this time. And out again. Over time, the movements were getting faster, turning into thrusts. Hugh felt Mads' frantic breath against his back, felt the Dane with his whole body, with every cell, felt him on the inside and outside. It seemed magical. Mads' fingers (still wet on the right hand because of the lube) sunk into his hips and pulled him up sharply, forcing him to stand on his knees. And Hugh obeyed, burying his burning face in the crook of his elbow. With his free hand he wanted to touch himself, but the Dane was faster. Mads' fingers enclosed his aching member. Mikkelsen smeared the leaking pre cum on the Brit's manhood's head. Hugh shivered and moaned quietly, his breath frantic because of the growing arousal, which was stimulated from two parts of his body now. The whirlwind of pleasure was driving him crazy. Mads was thrusting inside him and stroking him at the same time. Dancy felt that he couldn't hold it much longer, that it was impossible and all his experience with sex didn't influence this at all. He never felt like this before and he wasn't in control of his own body. Somewhere far away a phone was ringing, but everything faded away into a sudden orgasm, long and intense, striking him deep and flowing through his veins like a sweet poison, making his muscles convulse in pleasure. His knees parted and Hugh slid down on the soft blanket, which smelled of lavender and their own bodies. He heard a barely audible swearing in english and the Brit's lips formed into a smile as he felt Mads freezing after his last thrust, entering him completely. The Dane's orgasm also hit him by surprise.

Hugh waited patiently, the throbbing inside him stopped and Mads pulled out of him slowly. The feeling of emptiness, a vulgar, animalistic emptiness, which could only be filled by Mads returned to him again. In this moment, Dancy understood that their relationship would change forever.

Mikkelsen fell down beside him, breathing heavily while his body was coated with sweat. Hugh couldn't see it but he felt it when he placed his hand on his chest, his stomach, his softening manhood. Mads pulled him closer and kissed him, but not in a rough way. He kissed him softly and slowly, lazily. Now he was more like the calm, predictable European again.

He reached for the table again, grabbing his cigarettes and the lighter. He clicked the roller for a few times. A spark and, shortly after, a warm flame illuminated his face briefly. Hugh's heart was aching out of love and sadness. He knew that they had no future together. It was just sex and tomorrow would just be another day. The filming would start on monday. Claire would come to visit him next weekend. And after four months of filming they would finish this season and would be separated, in the best case scenario for six months. In the worst case scenario – forever. Each having his own life, his own family, his own fate...

Hugh reached out and took Mads' cigarette. Pulled on it. Returned it to him. Exhaled the smoke.

But all of this would be later. Now there was just them and one shared cigarette.

***

*fuck (Danish)  
**loved, desired (Danish)


	6. The Last Warm Days Before Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN! Credit goes to: ficbook.net/readfic/174147

Hugh woke up in the late morning, wakened by persistent sunbeams. At first he was confused and didn’t quite understand where the sunbeams came from because the windows in his apartment were facing the north side. But then he remembered: the bright lift, the dark apartment, the heat of their kisses, strong hands on his hips, the heat of another body and the maddening, husky whisper in a different language, as he only understood his own name. “Hugh”. Dancy almost moaned out loud because of these memories and he felt a sweet nagging in his abdomen. Strange, it seems like he is hungover after being drunk with Mads' love, he thought. But inside he felt so warm and calm, so peaceful and happy that his lips formed a huge smile, while he was squinting due to the warm rays of light coming from the sun. He leaned on his elbows and looked around: he was alone in the bedroom. 

Hugh inspected the room, careful not to look at the framed pictures on the walls and shelves: Mads and Hanne, Mads and his children – they brought Dancy back to earth again and reminded him who he was. Mikkelsen entered the room silently. 

“You sleepyhead.”, the Dane teased him cheerfully, leaning on the doorframe with his shoulder. He wore some casual pants and a slightly stretched shirt with the NBC logo.

Hugh felt awkward, his cheeks flushing bright red. He stared at the pale parquet floor, ashamed. But his smile gave him away. He was happy, even though he was afraid to be.

“I made us some breakfast.”, Mads beckoned into the kitchen and grinned. “I’m not Hannibal Lecter, of course, but I can still make ham and eggs.”

Dancy could actually smell the tempting scent of coffee and bacon from deep inside the flat. Sliding out of his blanket Hugh covered himself with his hand, shamefully. 

“Morning wood?” Mads chuckled, rising his eyebrow ironically, “I understand.”

Hugh turned even more red and looked around searching for his clothes. The Dane, still grinning with one corner of his mouth, stepped closer and suddenly embraced him. Dancy could only exhale loudly into his neck, feeling the whole degree of the man’s interest with his own arousal. Now in the bright sunlight everything, the flat, Mads and their closeness – everything seemed to be a fantastic dream. “Maybe I died yesterday on the way to the bar and now I’m in heaven?”, a curious thought crossed the Brit's mind. 

“I could help you right now.”, Mads whispered into his ear. “But then breakfast would get cold.”

“Screw the breakfast!” Dancy wanted to shout out loud, but he didn’t want to offend his friend (friend?).

Five minutes later they were already sitting behind the round dinner table in the spacious kitchen filled with warm sunlight. Mads lent him one of his shirts and Hugh was enjoying the smell of Mikkelsen and some cozyness it emitted. The Dane placed a plate with fried eggs and three pieces of deliciously smelling bacon in front of him, with a pretentious look “a-la doctor Lecter”.

“I could offer you a Cabernet franc from 2001.”, Mads said, his eyes glistening mischievously. “But a freshly brewed coffee Arabica with the best coffee beans would be more fitting for breakfast, I guess”

He shook the little can with some instant coffee and added with a smile:

“At least that’s what the manufacturer claims.”

Hugh smiled in return.

They have started eating their breakfast. The eggs turned out to be delicious, Mads added some spices, tomatoes and onion, turning the simple dish into something extraordinary, even worth Hannibal Lecter’s work.

“Was it your first time yesterday?” the Dane asked suddenly, sipping on his coffee. “Well, sex with a guy”  
Dancy almost choked on his food.

“Well, actually it was really obvious.” Mads was speaking merrily and easy, eating his eggs meanwhile, while Hugh was dying of shame. “Your hastiness in combination with…”

Mads waved his fork through the air, chewing his food, glancing at the ceiling while searching for the right expression. 

“With tension” he finally found the word. “It was quite cute actually. And, honestly, I even feel honoured that I’m your first.”

Hugh was confused, not knowing whether he should feel offended or apologize. Or even say that he was wrong and he had already had enough experience. “Shit, this perceptive son of a bitch.” Dancy thought, fascinated, but aloud he said:

“Forty year old virgin.”

“Not anymore!” Mads laughed, leaning back on his chair, giving the Brit in front of him a triumphant look.

“According to you, you’ve got some more experience in these kind of…uhm…things.” Hugh said.

“You're even asking?” the Dane snorted. “I was doing ballet. Believe me, the stereotypes aren’t lying. I was never ashamed of being bisexual, although I wasn’t making it official either, of course.”

“And I never even wanted something like this” Hugh shrugged, remembering all the times producers and colleagues were trying to get closer to him, directly or with some hints. This kind of stuff happened relatively often, so Hugh’s words even astonished himself. And he had had so many opportunities…But he told the truth: before Mads Mikkelsen no man managed to make him feel like this.

“Then it flatters me even more” the Dane said with silent, growling voice, his eyes looking like they were on fire again with the look of a predator.

Thank god the breakfast wasn’t as filling as to stop them from enjoying each other again. This time Mads was more gently and Hugh, on the opposite, tried to seem more experienced. He literally threw Mikkelsen onto the bed and sat on top of him. He was controlling the situation and the penetration, so the sensations were much stronger. But maybe it was because of Mads’ shining eyes, his gentle smile, his caressing hands, the sunlight, as well as the dust dancing in the sunbeams…Mikkelsen pulled Hugh's back down a bit and Hugh lowered himself onto Mads' chest.

“Your butt isn’t hurting, is it?” the Dane asked a bit harsh, with a grin. But because of the unmistaken care in his voice it felt like someone squeezed Dancy’s heart. No, it wasn’t just sex, it wasn’t just an experiment or satisfaction of their curiosity. It was something, which would make him suffer.

“No it doesn’t hurt” Hugh answered silently, thinking “Just the heart does”

“You’re lucky!” Mads jerked into him and Hugh inhaled shakily “Well, I’m doing a good job as well, of course!”

Mikkelsen pressed Dancy against him, literally paralyzing. His movements became more frantic, sharp, hungry. Hugh felt his member pressed against Mads’ stomach throbbing with arousal and moaned into the Dane’s neck. No, he would never get enough of him…

***

Around midday they went out of house. It was the beginning of November, but the weather was still September-like: the bare trees were lighted by the golden sunrays, the fresh breeze smelled like the scent of the sea and the merry laughter of children coming from the playground nearby was filling the soul with content. Those were the last warm days. Soon the weather would change, the cold winds from the north would come and with them the heavy clouds, filled with the ice cold snow. Winter would come. But it was still bright and warm, easy and carefree. It would be stupid to let this beautiful weekend, which the nature has gifted the Canadians with, go to waste.

They decided to go fishing. In contrary to their on-screen characters, Mads was the fisherman. Hugh was just holding the fishing rod just for the camera. Living in Toronto for two years, Mikkelsen knew a few places to go fishing. They were driving for about an hour, the Dane brought them to some faraway places. But Dancy was just glad about it. He looked on his phone for the first time this day, checking the time. One missed call. His heart clenched. From Claire, of course. Hugh remembered remotely how the last night some phone was ringing. He had to call her back…But on the display was written “No signal”. Dancy even smiled at this coincidence, but was immediately ashamed of himself. What was he doing? It was his wife, his sweet Claire, his love…

“Are you coming?” Mads called. He was standing near the lakeshore, the wind slightly messing up his hair. Hugh cursed himself. Just for being happy with Mikkelsen.

The silence and calm of the autumn forest, the sharp scent of fallen leaves and wet earth, the saddening calls of the cranes - this was what Fuller showed as the mind palace of Will Graham. Now this would be part of Hugh himself as well. The warm November Saturday, the splashing water of the lake, the scent of smoke, reaching them from afar, and Mads, sorting out the bait and unwiring the fishing line, would stay forever in his heart. The way he squints, overlooking the still water. The way he rolls up his sleeves. The way he smokes, lost in thought, glancing at the float. A dragonfly - one of the last ones this year - sat down on the fishing rod. Fishing was a silent hunt so they were sitting in silence. Warming up in the sun, Hugh watched Mikkelsen. He wanted this day to last forever…

Around four o’clock the hunger was rising and Mads started a fire right on the shore of the lake, cooking what he caught today. They didn’t catch a lot, but it was just enough for them two. They were laughing, interrupting each other, like they wouldn’t get enough of speaking after some hours of silence. They were talking about everything. Everything but their work and families. Because they were free now, they were alone. They were just two nameless people who enjoy their time together.

He didn’t want to go back to the city but dusk fell early these days. Dancy was gloomy all the time while they drove back, because he was thinking that Mads would bring him to his hotel again. But the Dane brought him to his apartment. Hugh remembered the cameras in the lift, so he kept a reserved face expression all the way until they entered the flat. But as soon as they stepped through the door, the events of yesterday repeated. Kisses, embraces, caress and passion again. This time Mikkelsen didn’t drag him into the kitchen but into the bathroom. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a shower after such a long day outside. In the end, Hugh learned that, firstly, Mads can hold him up “in the air” for a pretty long time, secondly, that hair conditioner was a great lube and thirdly, that, while forgetting everything around and ignoring where their bodies were reflecting the water to, it is completely possible to flood the neighbours underneath them. It didn’t come to flooding them yet, thank god, but after the shower they were wiping the floor for another twenty minutes, laughing. 

They had beer and crisps for snack (the “dinner for men”, how Mads called it) and after watching football on the TV they went to bed. But they were too weak for new “adventures”, so they fell asleep almost instantly, tired and happy.

The next morning they went to Hugh’s hotel, where he changed. He noticed the bottles of beer on his floor, which he bought on Friday. He wouldn’t even think then about taking them with him just on Sunday, with Mads waiting in the car...Dancy felt dizzy just because of the thought! He took the beer and the script, still in a pile of paper on the floor (the maids cleaned the room but didn’t touch anything left by the residents of the room, even if it was some pile of paper lying on the floor) and left his room.

They spent the Sunday together as well. No one called anymore and Hugh forgot to call back his wife. He forgot everything in the world. They ate dinner at “Burger King” - a place Dancy earlier avoided at all costs. He was still used to diets and healthy food from his modelling times, but he still followed the hedonist Mads. He generally noticed that Mikkelsen didn’t deny himself his desires. While they were having a walk on the pier after dinner, Mads suddenly embraced and kissed him, in front of all the other people. Dancy’s heart almost burst, partly of surprise, partly of happiness but the biggest part inside him was fear. It was highly irresponsible, doing stuff like this in public. Someone might recognise them!...But the people didn’t even care. Seems like Dancy overrated their popularity, no one recognised them at all. And Hugh felt free, like he was lost in a huge world, hidden from everyone but Mads. And it was beautiful!

In the evening they decided to study their scenario, because tomorrow (how could the weekend pass so quickly?!) the work started again. Hugh practiced his lines dutifully. It was so comfortable not to learn them alone but with a partner. It was even easier to memorize.

“And you killed Alana because you slept with her or because she knew who you were?” Hugh believably portrayed despair and pain.

“Because she was in love with you” Mads’ back was straight and his eyes narrowed a bit. “And you should be mine only.”

“This wasn’t in the script” Hugh was out of role instantly, smiling.

“Did no one teach you how to improvise, mr. Graham?” Mads asked in the voice of Lecter, coming closer to him.

“Then I will fight this!” Hugh stepped away, laughing.

“Please, don’t get out of role” Mikkelsen said, still in the voice of Hannibal the cannibal, pushing Hugh onto the couch.

“I have to ask Fuller for permission to change the script!” Hugh tried to portray anger but it didn’t work out.

“Fuller would approve of it” Mads beat his resistance easily, pressing his lips against his neck. “He would be very pleased about it”

***  
It was so unusual to drive to work together. And before - waking up with Mads’ alarm ringing, pushing each other in front of the sink, arguing, who would shower first, which actually led to them not having enough time for breakfast. But Hugh would give anything for every morning to become like this.  
No one noticed they came together to work. Everything was as usual and pretty normal as it seemed. It was just that Mads was smiling at him from time to time, like reminding him of the secret they shared now. And Dancy’s heart was trembling because of it. They seemed invisible for everyone, like the love bites the Dane left on him over the weekend (thank god there were no scenes where he would have to change).

When the working day was coming to an end, Hugh went out to grab some fresh air. The weather was worsening rapidly: a stinging wind was blowing, leading the trees to bend and creek, the sky was filled with clouds like a grey blanket and it seemed like it would rain any second now. Shivering, Hugh just wanted to go inside again but Mads came out. Dancy was happy to see him - just the presence of the Dane warmed Hugh up inside, but then he noticed that Mikkelsen's eyes were sad and cold.

“Hanne called” he said quietly, lighting his cigarette. Hugh nodded nervously. It seemed like it even got colder outside.

“Something wrong about the wedding” Mikkelsen looked away, “I didn’t quite get it. I just got that they’re coming back again today evening.”

They stood there, silent. Hugh thought he had to say something but he couldn’t think of anything.

“I asked Fuller whether I could go home earlier today” Mads still wasn’t looking at him. “I’m going home now to...well...clean up a bit. And then I’ll pick them up from the airport.”

“Mhm.” Hugh looked away as well. It seemed like he froze all inside.

They just had four days together. Four goddamn days! And they took the last day away from them! They should have spent another night together! Just one night!

“Well, I’m going then” Mads threw away his cigarette and finally looked at Hugh. There was so much pain and regret in his eyes that Dancy felt his own eyes burning. He would have stepped towards him, following his instincts, but then the door opened again and two assistants went outside. Glancing at the actors, they went down the stairs, giggling. 

“See you tomorrow” Mads said dryly, shook his hand, kind of too official, and went down the stairs as well, heading towards his car. 

Hugh stood there and looked at him as he went off. While yesterday he felt free and easy, now he felt heavy chains, tangling him and tearing him onto the ground. After the bright and happy weekend there was a bitter disappointment left inside him. Because everything ends, because you always have to pay for the good times. Dancy thought that he almost hated Mikkelsen right now. Because his life would never be the same again, as it was before. Because he crushed the stability in his existence. Because they would never start over again, they would never be together.


	7. An Unexpected Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!  
> Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479 (Russian)

He didn’t want to go home. Now Hugh started to hate the hotel room where he had been already living for two months, becoming his temporary second home. It seemed like he came back from a short, but incredible vacation. And now there was the grey everyday life, the sad beach outside his window and loneliness. Dancy spent more time than usual to get home, wondering whether he should spend half a night inside a bar. But the apathetic stance he was in required privacy and some rest, so Dancy decided to spend the evening alone and sober.

His room was awaiting him the way he left it. Like the wonderful three days didn’t even exist. After digging around for some clothes in his wardrobe, Hugh noticed that he forgot his favorite sleeping shirt at Mads’ flat. Why did he even take it there? Like he wanted to move in there...Such a nonsense! Mikkelsen must have hidden it while he was cleaning his flat. Hanne or his kids really shouldn’t see it! Or he might have even thrown it away...He felt even more sad now.

After eating some fast food he bought on his way home, Hugh decided to call his wife. He didn’t even think about her this weekend and that she, oddly enough, didn’t call him anymore. Claire picked up the phone after the sixth beeping tone, when the actor was already starting to worry whether she would ever pick up. Her voice sounded dry, she was angry that he didn’t pick up the phone on friday and didn’t even call back. Hugh started to make up excuses, that he had to work a lot, that they had to film for the whole weekend, that he completely forgot the call. Strangely enough, she believed him. Claire was already used to the strange schedules of their filming and the carelessness of her husband. She only mumbled: “What if something happened to me?”, but then she calmed down. For the first time in a while they were talking on the phone so long and warm with each other. Partially because of the guilt Dancy felt suddenly sharpen inside of him at the sound of his wife's voice. He really loved her. He loved her with a quiet and calm love, so familiar, so right, that it became an essential part of Hugh himself. At the end of their conversation Claire told him that she would come to visit him next weekend and that she’d take Cyrus with her. Dancy felt all warm inside as she mentioned his son. He really missed him!

After talking with his wife he felt a slight relief. Stability. The most important thing is to keep the stability. Work. Family. Son. And this incident (he decided to call it like this) with Mads was a one time thing, an experiment, and he should forget about it soon. It just happened. Now he knows what it is like, he is more experienced, which means he shouldn’t worry about it too much. The pain inside became weaker and Hugh felt better. He felt like he could survive this.

***

Everything seemed to be as usual again. The filming, the rehearsals, the evenings all alone. Hugh repeated to himself, like a mantra, that everything was fine. That he wouldn’t care. That life was going on. And it seemed to work. It worked until Dancy’s eyes met Mads’. Or when they touched coincidentally. Or talked to each other. Because every interaction with the Dane, even the most innocent one like shaking hands in the morning or some question regarding the acting, seemed to crush the palace of controlled calmness inside of Hugh like a house of cards. His heart seemed to wake up from an anesthetic, exploding with pain, which made him want to howl out loud. Because NO! This wasn’t an experiment! It wasn’t just satisfaction! The thing Hugh feared most happened - he fell in love. Three days weren’t enough. He needed months, years! He needed the impossible, his wishes could not be fulfilled. That’s why he had to close his eyes from time to time, count to five and repeat:

He doesn’t care. He is calm. Work. Family. Stability.

Generally, their communication significantly shortened. Considering how much time they have spent together until this time, now they even ate dinner separately. But even when they sat on different tables in the cafeteria, Hugh still glanced at the Dane now and then. And he rarely looked back.

Claire visited him this weekend with their child. Cyrus grew up a bit in the month Dancy didn’t see him, but he still was dad’s precious little boy. The carefree child was laughing merrily and the next second he roared deafeningly. Hugh could only envy him. He himself had to hide his feelings deep inside.

The weekend passed quickly. Apart from Mikkelsen and close to his wife, his sadness seemed to have slept in inside him. It made Dancy hope that his suffering would end if he wouldn’t see Mads anymore at all. And Hugh was waiting for the filming to end. But in a way a terminally ill patient awaits his death as the only thing that can get rid of his suffering.

The endless working days started again. They were rehearsing, filming, cutting, voicing the clips, rehearsing again, filming...The show’s ratings declined a bit and the cast started to worry that the channel might cancel it. Hugh worried with the others, but inside him he revengefully wanted it. 

The scenes with Mikkelsen were surprisingly easy to film. The script helped him out again, like it was written just for Hugh and his own emotions. Fuller had actively encouraged Hannigram earlier but now, afraid to lose the rest of the audience, Bryan made the tension between the two main characters thin out, adding heterosexual interests. Will’s feelings for Hannibal were now the pain of betrayal and the wish to be right, the wish to see the maniac behind the bars, isolate him from society and, most important, from himself. It completely harmonized with the feelings Hugh had right now - he felt the pain of betrayal and wanted to start living his life properly again. He wished to distance himself from Mads.

Mikkelsen didn’t have as much luck as Hugh with his role. His character was hopelessly obsessed with Will Graham, so he had to act out his love and hurt. This was bromance, of course, but Hugh could see the hard times his colleague had. It seemed like Mads was suffering as much as Hugh, although he wouldn’t show it on the outside and Hugh could fully assess all the pain and anguish which were now constantly smoldering in the eyes of the Dane, like the reflection of his feelings.

They were only talking about their work and if they were alone somewhere there was some tense silence between them. Hugh knew that if he started talking, he would reopen his healing wound so he said nothing or even went away. Mikkelsen was pretty quiet as well while looking guilty and Hugh understood that like he once saw his desire, the Dane could see his pain as clearly now. And of course he felt guilt. Dancy felt some vengeful satisfaction. So they lived through their failed romance separately.

But after three weeks the situation suddenly changed.

This day Hanne came to the set. Family and friends were rarely allowed during the filming and they had to have some special badge allowing them to be there, so visitors like this were a rarity. Mads was being prepared for another scene again. The woman with short, dark hair looked around helplessly - everyone was minding their own business and no one even paid attention to the visitor with the badge on her chest. Her clingy black eyes looked at the people in the room, many of whom Hanne didn’t even know. Hugh knew he had to turn away but he, strangely, couldn’t. And, of course, her eyes stopped at him. Dancy froze frightened, like a prey before his predator. Mrs Mikkelsen approached him threateningly. He didn’t know why but he decided that she knew what had been between him and her husband. Or Mads himself told her. Told her that Hugh seduced him. That he was the one who started it. The Brit felt fear mixing with anger. Why did he tell her?!

The moment the woman came closer to him, Dancy was one hundred percent sure she knew everything. He managed to go through several conversations they could have, but none of the options could avoid screaming or his public humiliation. 

“Hello Hugh” Hanne smiled at him with a pure and bright smile.

Dancy took a deep breath of relief. Nonsense! Why did he even think Mads would tell her? He’s gone completely mad with this being in love thing.

“Hello”

“Do you know where Mass is?” She said her husband’s name in the Danish manner. Her accent was much more noticeable than Mads’.

“He is at the makeup artist right now” Hugh felt blood rushing into his head. He looked into the woman’s brown eyes and all he could think about was: “I fucked your husband.” “I fucked your husband.”

“Alright.” Hanne looked around and gave him a cheerful smile again “How are you?”

I fucked your husband

“I’m alright” his voice sounded dry.

“How is Cyrus?”

Oh god Mads told her about my son? What else did he tell her?!

“He’s doing fine. Unfortunately, I don’t see him that often. But when Claire calls me she gives him the phone and I can hear his babbling.”

“How sweet!” Hanne, like all women, was always melting away as soon as they spoke about kids. She thought about something for a second, like she was considering something. When she decided she said:

“The hiatus is coming up, right?”

Hugh nodded:

“The christmas hiatus. In two weeks”

Her face lit up.

“Mass and me, we wanted to invite you and Claire with the boy to stay with us for some days in our country house. Our kids are coming too and I thought it would be a nice idea to spend some time together. Go skiing, maybe do a barbecue, just get to know each other better. You and Mass have become good friends as much as I know, right?”

Even Hugh’s sight went black. Good friends? This is what Mads told her? Holiday with their families? Him, Claire and Mads in one room together? As well as Cyrus, Hanne with their children...This looked like trouble. Dancy knew it would be tough. Shit, it would be a real torture - being in a room with Mads without the possibility of satisfying his desires! But like a few years ago, when Fuller invited him for this role in the show, one word was enough for Hugh to say yes.

“Mads would be happy about it”

“Alright, we’ll love to visit you”

As always, Mikkelsen crept up from behind.

“Hanne?” he was surprised to see his wife, giving her a tired smile.

“I forgot my phone in your bag.” she laughed awkwardly and took her husband’s arm, telling him something as she easily switched from english to her native Danish.

Hugh felt offended. It felt like he was thrown out of the conversation. But he could understand it. English was a foreign language for Hanne but speaking Danish was much easier. Dancy gloomily watched as Hanne told Mads something and recognised his name in the middle of their strange sounds. Mikkelsen looked at him quickly. Dancy’s heart skipped a beat - he knew that she told her husband about the invitation. His heart was racing heavily inside his chest. He was waiting for Mads’ reaction. But the man surprised the Brit. Mikkelsen gave him a wide smile and nodded, saying something in Danish. Dancy felt the blood rush into his face - the last time the Dane talked to him in his native, wonderful, rustling language, he was pressing him into the damp sheets, showing him the stars with his confident thrusts…

Hugh opened his mouth, not knowing what to say, but Mads already looked away from him, heading towards the changing rooms with his wife, quietly talking about some completely different topics, as it seemed. The Brit stood there for a while, still stunned by the late events. It seemed like he could hear some bells ringing and a choir of angels singing in his soul. His doubts were swept away once again and Hugh forgot that he wanted to cure himself from his obsession, that it was necessary to minimize their communication...And now, in just two weeks, he would be taking Claire and his two year old son to his...lover’s place? Hugh giggled out ot the sheer awkwardness of the situation. Oh god, what did he get himself into?


	8. The House From a Cristmas Card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!  
> Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479 (Russian)
> 
> Please, forgive me the LONG delay!! I am such a bad person...

As soon as Hanne was gone, Mads immediately stepped towards Hugh.

“Well, that was awkward” he chuckled.

Dancy waited for him to go on talking, although inside him everything was itching and jumping out of the tension. Now, after such a long time, they were actually talking to each other again. Mads smiled sheepishly, looking at the gloomy Brit in front of him with guilt.

“I have to admit, we have been thinking for a while now to invite you over, but...who would have thought that Hanne remembers it right now, after our…"

“Mads! Your scene is in seven minutes!”, the passing by Fuller slapped the Dane’s shoulder. 

“I’m coming!” Mads looked at Hugh again. “I…”

“Don’t worry about it, I can still refuse.” Dancy was surprised about how calm his voice sounded. “I’ll say that Claire can’t come and that’s it.”

“No!” Mads went angry all of a sudden. “I... I want you all to come. I want...you to come.”

“Mads…” Hugh’s eyebrows twisted in pain. Why would he say that?! His heart drowned in love and pain again…

“Sorry” Mikkelsen, lost for a moment, ran his fingers through his already well-made hair. Now the shooting would be automatically delayed for fifteen minutes. “But I really miss...your company. You. I like you, Hugh, and it’s not about sex at all.”

Hugh was tense. It seemed like Mikkelsen was cutting him into pieces, removing pieces of his self-control.

“I just like being with you”, Mads continued, “And I would like to stay friends. Just for a few days… Shit! I don’t regret anything, but...I wouldn’t want our friendship to be ruined after this all.”

“You can’t spoil friendship with sex” Hugh mumbled*. His ears were burning and the ice, encompassing his soul, seemed to break. 

“I’d want everything to be the way it was”.

“So, just pretend that nothing happened?” Dancy felt offended. 

“Just don’t think of it. This would be the right way. We aren’t kids anymore after all! We can handle this.”

He laughed, the man “above fourty”, confused about himself and his own emotions. Hugh gave him a slightly sad smile. 

‘We can handle it? You can speak for yourself…’ But Hugh swore to himself that he would try. He also desperately needed to be near him... But he would control himself.

“Alright” he said.

Mads gave him a smile. He started becoming the balanced, self conscious man again. But now Hugh knew how hard it was for him to keep up this mask in front of other people.

“Bryan, I’m coming!” He shouted merrily, heading towards the crew.

“Thank GOD! Hurry up on the set, we’re starting... Damn, WHAT happened to your hair?!”

***

Two weeks passed quickly and Mads and Hugh felt comfortable around each other again. They ate dinner together again, Dancy went outside with Mikkelsen for a smoke, they joked around, laughed, as the tension seemed to have faded. But it was just the facade Dancy had an incredibly hard time to maintain. Seemed like this was happiness. Mads is with him again, they are friends again, but something was missing… What if it was about sex after all? What if he is like an obsessed teenager who can’t be near his object of adoration without a hard on? No, it wasn’t just about this, and the sexual tension between them didn’t come up too often. Seems like it was something else. The Brit felt like he was on a sunlit flowerfield, bright, comfortable, but incredibly small and encircled by an electric barbed wire. There were too many tabu topics. He couldn’t come nearer than a meter towards the Dane. He couldn’t keep his eyes on him for longer than a few seconds. He was so close and impossibly far at the same time. With time, Hugh learned to feel a kind of masochistic pleasure from his helpless situation. And he could only guess, whether Mads was feeling the same. 

***

Claire was very excited about Hanne’s invitation. Hugh told her the same day he spoke to Hanne and she was preparing for the winter holidays, while his husband was finishing off the filming of the show. Cyrus got some vaccinations, Claire bought lots of warm winter clothes, mostly for the child, so they had to buy another suitcase as well. There would definitely be not enough space in one for all the stuff. Claire supposed they would be invited for three or four days. She hadn’t known the Mikkelsens in person yet, having only heard of them from her husband and having only met them at official parties. They always seemed to be a great couple to her: intelligent Europeans, the perfect examples for a refined taste and elegance. Beautiful. Cold. Modest. They were fascinating to Claire, a casual girl born near New York, and the invitation to “stay with them and make friends” was a compliment for Claire, not knowing, that Mrs. Dancy was awaiting the winter hiatus as enthusiastically as her husband.

***

On December 19th, Hugh departed for Canada with his wife. A little “airbus” was supposed to take them to Calgary and Mads would meet them at the airport, picking them up and taking them home. 

“To his home…”

Hugh closed his eyes, his heart beating hard against his ribs, like a bat trapped in a small room. He heard his son babbling, Claire having an argument about something with the flight attendant, and felt the plane make a curve. Dancy didn’t feel too good, not knowing, whether it was from the excitement or the pressure difference. It was one thing to work with Mads on the set for only nine hours a day, but it was an other thing being with him in a cozy home in the mountains for a few days. For a few nights. Nights, during which Claire, Hanne and kids would be fast asleep. Inside a huge house with tons of rooms and doors with great locks. Inside a house made of wood, absorbing sounds before they have time to leave the walls of the room…

“Pa-pa” Cyrus grabbed Hugh’s grown out stubble, which could easily be called a beard. Dancy’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. 

“Hey, who’s waking up daddy?” he took his son onto his lap and started tickling him. Cyrus filled the room with happy laughter. Claire looked at him, smiling. If looked at from a distance, they seemed to be the perfect family.

***

Mads was waiting for them on the parking lot of the airport. He was standing there, leaning on the door of an impressive SUV. Its bumper, looking like a huge snout of a beast, was covered in snow. But Hugh wasn’t looking at the car. He was looking at the Dane. His warm, trendy winter boots, his dark jeans with a stylish, worn out pattern in the knee region, his opened jacket and blue sweater beneath it, and beneath the sweater - a checkered shirt, and beneath the shirt - a strong body, the graying chest hair and the trained stomach… Hugh swallowed, hopelessly trying to drive away his obsession. Mikkelsen gave him a smirk, threw his half smoked cigarette onto the ground, and, with a gleam in his dark eyes, headed towards them.

“Hello Mads!” Claire held out her hand, literally shining and giving him a huge smile. “Thank you so much for your invitation!”

Mikkelsen softly squeezed her hand and nodded, turning towards Hugh. The Brit held Cyrus in his arms and the trusting warmth of his son helped Hugh to not completely lose his mind. 

“Glad you have come,” the Dane greeted him and held out his hand. Hugh shook it with his own free hand, putting the bag of his wife’s and his son’s clothes on the ground. Mikkelsen’s hand was warm and seemingly twitched slightly. Like a burning mark, the touch of his hand was perceptible on Dancy’s hand while the Dane helped put their bags into his car, telling Claire that Hanne and kids were preparing for their visit. 

It was a long drive. The house was situated in the mountains around Calgary. The car climbed the roads, humming softly, “cutting” into the snow laying on their path. Claire and Cyrus were sitting on the back and Hugh was sitting on the front seat. Mads was having a conversation with Claire, but Dancy didn’t listen to it. He enjoyed the nearness of Mikkelsen, his scent, his voice, his accent, which sent shivers down his spine. From the corner of his eye, he watched how the Dane’s hand majestically grabbed the shift lever, how his hand softly glided over the ribbed leather of the steering wheel…  
The memories crept up on him on their own, unwanted, forbidden, so dangerous in this moment, when there is no one in the car besides the two of them, his wife and his two year old son… No, he has to be the most terrible person in the world, but dear god, Mads was so beautiful in the light beams of the sun setting behind the mountains, making his hair and skin look golden, reflecting brightly in his deep eyes…

***

The country home of the Mikkelsens was exactly like Hugh imagined it to be! It was filled with family coziness and tranquility, looking like it was from a picture on a Christmas card. The two-storey house was built of strong timber, with a fundament made of stone, the same stone as the chimney was made of - no winter house without a fireplace! The shutters of the wide windows were painted dark and decorated with colourful garlands. The dark roof tiles were covered with snow. Four pairs of skis were leaning on the house, covered with snow. From around the corner you could hear the sounds of a snowmobile. 

The car gently pulled into the driveway. The house’s door opened and the hostess stepped outside, leaving the warmth of the cozy home. She wore a knitted sweater with a reindeer print (this one’s a classic), and ski pants. Mikkelsen stopped and Claire, with Cyrus, immediately jumped outside. You could hear the women’s cheerful conversation inside the car. Judging by their gestures, Claire was thanking her for the invitation again. And Hugh was left inside the car, alone with Mads.

“Hanne is crazy about little kids” Mads said thoughtfully, looking at his wife from behind the misted up glass. 

“Well, she could look after Cyrus for a while.”

Mads turned to look at Hugh, taking away his breath.

“Feeling guilty?”

“Should I?”

Hugh seemed brave, although inside him everything was shaking uncontrollably. He wanted to jump out of the car immediately. If he wouldn't exit the car now, his facade would break, he'd tear Mads towards him and…

Mikkelsen grunted.

“Well I do.” He looked away towards the windows again. “Claire is so frank, so...innocent. I look at her and I see you, the way you arched…”

“I’ll carry the bags out of the car!”

Dancy literally fell out of the car, filled with anger and pleasure, embarrassment and triumph. He pulled the trunk handle several times until he heard the characteristic click - Mikkelsen unlocked the doors from inside.

“Carl, help Mr. Dancy with his luggage!” Hanne shouted towards the house.

Mads’ son stepped outside, the seventeen year old Carl Mikkelsen. He didn’t resemble his father at all. His facial features were the same as his mother’s, but he lacked the friendliness Hanne’s face was shining with. The gloomy, dark-haired teenager walked hunched, with his hands in his pockets. A headphone was plugged into his right ear and from the left dangling headphone he perceived an unintelligible cacophony. Carl stepped towards Hugh, holding out his hand. The Brit shook it, noticing that the son’s handshake was even firmer than his father’s. 

“Hello Carl”, Dancy greeted him friendly, however, he did not receive even a look from him. The boy silently grabbed one of his bags and went into the house. Hugh shrugged and, taking his suitcase and the bags, followed the boy.

“Forgive him, he doesn’t behave well.” Hanne threw a glance towards the back of her son. “He wanted to stay in Toronto with his friends over Christmas, and then there is this ‘family holiday’ “.

“It’s okay”, Hugh smiled, “I was once a teenager too, I remember what it is like”

Inside it was warm and very clean, with a seductive scent of roasted vegetables and some spices. Possibly some mulled wine. The spacious living room was at the same time a kitchen (the northern part of the huge room, separated through a countertop bar), and a dining room. In front of the panoramic window was a sturdy oak table prepared for dinner. A young, slim lady ran around the table - Viola, the twenty five year old daughter of Mads.

“Oh, Mr. Dancy, welcome!” She ran towards him and shook his hand as well. Her hand was tiny and wet, the girl had just washed the dishes. 

He wanted to ask her to just call him his name, but Viola was off again towards the table. Now she laid out the cutlery: the fork to the left of the table, the knife and the spoon to the right. The timer on the stove beeped, a plastic chicken with a clock on his belly, and Viola rushed towards the oven. Hugh looked around. The huge room was separated into several zones: the northern part was the kitchen and table, the floor was laid out with large tiles. The southern part was the living room with a fireplace, a cozy sofa, a TV and a stereo system. Carl was sitting on the sofa, with his hood pulled over his head, staring at his phone. On the opposite side of the entrance was a wide staircase leading into the other floor, where, possibly, were the bedrooms. On the right side of the staircase was a door, possibly to the bathroom, but it might also lead to the cellar. The door behind him opened again, letting some fresh cold air slip inside. Claire and Hanne, babbling with Cyrus in her arms, stepped inside. Behind them was Mads with the kid’s stroller.

“Carl!” yelled the Dane . Hugh jumped up together with the boy because of the powerful voice of the head of the family. 

“Why didn’t you change your clothes?” Mikkelsen glanced furiously at his son. “And did you move the stuff into your sister’s room?”

“I did”, mumbled the teen and ran up the stairs. It seemed like he really had respect towards his father. But the boy did really need some fatherly parenting. Seemed like Hanne spoiled him while Mads was off filming for several months.

The Dane suddenly looked at Hugh, making him feel a sweet ache. Right now he had seen Mikkelsen as a strict father, powerful and demanding, the head of the family, the alpha lion. And, god damn, it was so arousing!

 

“Let’s go, I’ll show you your room.” Hanne dragged him and Claire behind her. Dancy unwilingly followed the hostess. 

They got to stay in Carl’s room. They easily fit both into the wide bed and the Mikkelsens prepared a little bed for their son. Claire enviously noted to herself that even this old bed was better than the one they had for Cyrus at home. The Danes were just much richer than they were.

Generally, the room wasn’t bad. Hugh noticed some barely visible rectangles on the wall. Seemingly Carl’s posters had been hanging there. Dancy smirked imagining Mads forcing his son to take down the posters of his favourite rock bands, because the room would be temporarily given to the guests. Yeah, no wonder that Mikkelsen Junior met them with such hostility!

After unpacking their suitcases and changing Cyrus, they headed down for the dinner. Hanne prepared a great meal with her daughter. They had a roasted chicken with vegetables, the beverages provided were hot mulled wine and juice, and for dessert they had gingerbread cookies and tea. They had spent over an hour sitting together at the table and had really managed to get to know each other better. Even Carl’s gloomy facade melted from time to time and he participated in the conversation. The time flew by while having nice conversations, and only as Cyrus started to drift off, Hanne began to get stressed.

“I bet you’re tired from your travel, and we have dragged you into this long talk! Come on, go to sleep! And tomorrow we’ll go for a nice walk!”

“And we’ll decorate the house” Carl added, sleepily blinking at the guests.

“Viola, Carl, brush your teeth and go to sleep now. We’ll wake you up tomorrow at eight.”

“But daaad!” the daughter glanced at her father with reproach. He winked at her playfully and Viola smiled. Everyone got up and Viola went upstairs with her brother. The yawning Claire followed with Cyrus in her arms. Hugh stayed with Hanne to help her with the dishes, although she forced him to go to rest as well.

“Stop it, Hugh, you’re the guest after all!” she grabbed the dishes from his hands.

“But I want to help” Hugh said stubbornly, collecting the cutlery around the table.

Mads smirked while looking at him.

***

Hugh couldn’t fall asleep the first night already. In the little bed beside him he could hear the noises of the sleeping Cyrus. Claire was sleeping peacefully, her blonde hair spread all over the pillow, and Hugh was just lying with his eyes open and staring at the ceiling. The bedsheets smelled unbearably like Mads. Well, it was just their family scent. In this house everything smelled like Mads. But even if this scent was the scent of childhood for Carl and Viola and the scent of stability and family for Hanne, for Hugh it was the scent of forbidden love. This was the scent of Mads’ pillows in his apartment when Hugh woke up with Mikkelsen’s warmth pressing against him from behind, whose breath slightly tingled his neck…  
Raising his arm behind his head, Dancy touched the wall behind him. Was the bed of Mads and Hanne also standing with the headboard to the wall? Then it wasn’t even half a meter separating Mads and himself... The wall remained indifferent and cold, not providing him with any answers. Hugh lowered his arm. His heart clenched inside his chest and the sleep just didn’t come. He was thirsty. After pondering about it for a while, Hugh stood up. Cyrus moved a bit inside his bed but he didn’t wake up. Silently, barefoot, the Brit went through the door. He tiptoed downstairs in the darkness, decided to drink a glass of water and return to bed again.

In the background of the grey window there was a dark silhouette.

Hugh’s heart skipped a beat.

A slight scent of cigarettes.

Dancy bit his lip and hesitantly stepped towards the figure.

A crimson dot lit in the area of the head. A drag. A husky breathing out. The scent of cigarettes became stronger.

“Mads?” Hugh asked hoarsely, feeling his legs weaken. 

“Can’t sleep as well?” barely audible answer.

“I was just thirsty.”

Hugh hesitantly approached him. Mads stood right at the sink. Another drag, the crimson spot lit again. Outside the snow was falling, only lit by the dim light of the Christmas garland hanging outside. And Hugh approached Mads, step after step, like inside a dream, hoping that he will step away and let him drink. Will quench his thirst. Again…

Mikkelsen didn’t step back and Dancy stopped when they stood close to each other, only some centimeters separating them. Hugh didn’t see, but did feel the Dane’s smile. And he felt his warmth, almost heat, emanating from the naked body. Hugh was shaking. He closed his eyes, even though he couldn’t see anything in the dark anyway. He listened to his heartbeat and prayed for Mads just to quench his thirst.

And Mikkelsen granted him his wish. Their lips touched gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, forgive me the LONG delay!! I am such a bad person... I hope to translate as much as possible, it's just the matter of time and pressure at university right now. I'm sorry...


	9. Jealousy and its Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!  
> Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479 (Russian)

A little midnight miracle - that’s what Hugh called the unexpected meeting with Mads. Short and fleeting, but destructive at the same time. Just one kiss, lasting not even for a second. The “drunkenness” was brief and Mikkelsen pushed Dancy away again. Too dangerous. Too wrong. Too desirable. Saying nothing, he walked around the Brit and went to his room, leaving a smoldering cigarette on the edge of the sink made of artificial stone. Finishing smoking it in silence, Hugh thought that it was a small victory. So Mads remembers everything too. Misses him. Loves him. A little victory on the way of inevitable defeat.

In the morning, it was cozy and lively again. Hanne and Viola prepared breakfast, chirping with each other merrily, switching between English and Danish. Claire took care of Cyrus, beside her sat Carl, looking at the child with a mixture of amazement, confusion and interest. Mads asked Hugh to help him marinate the meat, so they could prepare it in the afternoon. The Dane cut dark chunks of beef into steaks, while Hugh peeled the onions.

“Whose flesh shall we eat for dinner today, Dr. Lecter?” Hanne approached, hugging her husband’s waist and kissing his bristled cheek. Dancy, surprisingly for himself, felt a stinge of jealousy and almost cut himself.

“An overly curious person.”

Hanne laughed and walked away from them. Mads smiled slightly, continuing to slowly carve the meat. It was kind of awkward to be silent like this, and Hugh, despite his increased heartbeat, started to talk about grilling and about the endless debate about how to cook better, with coal or with gas. Mikkelsen happily kept the conversation going and Hugh felt the presence of the common secret between them more than ever. Almost everything the Dane said seemed to have hints and a double meaning. When Mads said that he misses cooking meat on a fire, that he was ready to swallow the whole peace at once, that a woman would never grill a steak as good as a man would, inside Hugh everything jumped and itched. Of course, it was unlikely that Mikkelsen decided to switch to such a “secret language”, but Dancy was obsessed, the flame inside him ignited with the kiss, and he just wanted to believe that Mads is experiencing the same thing. 

After marinating the meat and having breakfast, they all went for a walk. The winter forest around them reminded him of a fairy tail: the frozen trees, the smooth surface of a frozen pond, the incredibly blue sky, which could be only seen up in the mountains, far away from the city. After having walked enough, when the frost began to sting the nose and cheeks, they started a snowball battle. Claire didn’t participate in the winter fun - she sat on a fallen tree with Cyrus on her lap and watched them from a distance. The kid laughed and clapped his hands, when his dad fell into the snow, hit by aimed shots of his colleague. And again it seemed to Hugh as though Mikkelsen only aims at him, that his black eyes pursue him. As if it was only them on the snowy field. But it seems that it wasn’t noticed in the general fun atmosphere. Hugh hoped for some romantic accident, for example, that he and Mads would fall into the snow together, but the Dane controlled the situation and kept him at a safe distance. It discouraged Dancy a bit, although he himself understood that “it is for the better”.

After lunch (Hanne prepared a chicken soup), they went ice skating. It turned out that Hanne and Claire had the same shoe size, so Mrs. Mikkelsen was looking after Cyrus now. But Hugh’s size wasn’t the same as Mads', so he and Hanne watched them skating, sitting on a bench covered with snow, which the Mikkelsen family put up near the pond. Viola made incredible pirouettes - maybe she did some figure skating as a child. Carl melancholically skated in large circles, staring at his phone. He attended the family vacation only physically, his thoughts were somewhere else with his friends. And Mads taught Claire how to skate backwards. The young woman laughed cheerfully and almost fell, with the Dane managing to catch her every time. Hugh watched them, not noticing that he was nervously biting his lip every time Mikkelsen’s hand touched Claire’s waist, or when his wife hung around him, laughing happily. When this couple still fell on the ice once (with Claire landing on top of Mads on purpose), Hugh exhaled nervously.

“Jealous?” Hanne asked him. She smiled with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. Well, this was a woman who trusted her husband one hundred percent!

Hugh shuddered for a moment, fearing that he was caught being interested in his colleague. His cheeks immediately blushed and his heart began to race. 

“Oh, you men don’t like admitting jealousy” Hanne, tapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. Mass is just a gentlemen and the heart of the company. His attention is a consequence of his education. So don’t be jealous. You can see just how much she loves you by the way she looks at you. You are such a perfect couple!”

“Yeah” Hugh muttered. Hanne’s words didn’t reassure him, but made his heart feel even heavier. It was the first time for today that he stopped “having a crush” on Mads and carefully inspected his wife. Claire was glowing with delight. He hadn’t seen her so happy and carefree for a long time. And she almost constantly looked at him. Calling out to him. Waving. He suddenly saw himself inside her - in love and happy. The feeling of guilt and the affection towards his wife made him feel uncomfortable. He felt like scum, not only sullied himself, but her as well, with his vicious, abnormal bond with another man. He couldn’t look at the skating Claire and Mads anymore - emotions too conflicting with each other tore on his soul. So he took Cyrus from Hanne and started making a snowman with him. The communication with the baby calmed him down and allowed to distract himself from his thoughts. Dancy felt this simple and clean love only towards him. The communication with the others seemed just false and hypocritical to Hugh now.

In the evening they had the promised grilled meat. The stakes were juicy, spicy and incredibly delicious - even Hannibal wouldn’t have prepared it better! Even baby-Cyrus sniffed with interest at what the adults ate - he was still too young for spicy, roasted meat, so his dinner was limited to infant milk in the bottle - like for the little ones. But this did not prevent him from reaching out to the plate with meat, and after the tenth “No!” from Claire, the two year old kid started crying, unable to endure the injustices of the world. Mrs. Dancy sighed wearily and, standing up, took Cyrus into an other part of the living room, where she sat into the armchair by the fireplace and began rocking her wailing son. Hanne rose here eyebrows and, after Viola and Carl went off to wash the dishes, she asked softly:

“Are you together with the baby all the time? Don’t you leave him with the relatives over the weekend or something like that?”

“Sometimes, yes” Hugh scratched the label on his bottle of beer with his fingers, “Claire’s mother loves looking after him, but we fear that she spoils him too much. She gives him a lot of sweets and stuff like that.”

“What I mean is” Hanne turned to her husband, “That you probably aren’t alone very often. You’re both still young and you both will probably want to occasionally spend an evening without worries or a baby monitor.”

Hugh’s ears turned bright red when he realized what Mrs. Mikkelsen was implying. Mads smiled ironically.

“We’re doing fine about this”, Dancy said perhaps too sharply. It wasn’t quite true though. Only now Hugh realized how long he and Claire didn’t have sex. But the reason for this was not the constant care for their son, but the coldness of Hugh. He just didn’t want her. And she never asked first. So they didn’t have sex for over a month now.

“Hanne, don’t embarrass my friend” Mads playfully poked his wife’s side.

“Ouch!” The woman laughed. She sounded a bit tipsy. “If we are doing great in terms of this, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t offer our help to others! I thought we’d be poor hosts, if we wouldn’t provide our guests the opportunity to relax from the parenting troubles.”

Something burst inside Hugh. “We are doing great in terms of this!” So, you are pleasing your wife? Regular family sex? The relationship hasn’t lost its excitement over the years?

“Actually, the idea isn’t too bad” Dancy changed his opinion and his eyes flashed furiously towards Mads. “It’s not too late yet, Cyrus is going to sleep in at least one hour.”

“Oh, I’d love to look after him!” Hanne folded her arms on on her chest. “I’d read Andersen’s fairy tales to him. You know that Hans Christian Andersen is our national children’s author?”

“Wonderful” Hugh didn’t take his eyes off Mads' “Just read it in English, otherwise I fear he won’t understand.”

Mikkelsen’s glance became cold and stinging. With a wide smile, Hugh stood up and headed towards his wife. Claire was embarrassed about the proposal, but agreed. She handed Hanne the kid and Hugh led her by the hand upwards into their room, feeling the piercing gaze of the Dane on his back.

***

It was harder than Hugh Dancy expected. Exasperated by the unwary words of Hanne, he, perhaps, moved too violently inside his wife. Claire moaned hoarsely, scratching his back with her fingernails with her legs around his waist. She smelled like perfume and baby powder, her body was soft and pliable, and her lips seemed way too small and soft. When everything was finally over and the not only physically, but also mentally exhausted Hugh collapsed beside her, panting heavily, Claire immediately wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“I didn’t know you could last so long!” she whispered into his ear with her hot breath. “I really liked it!”

She placed a kiss on his bristled cheek and buried her face in his neck. The Brit didn’t say anything, wondering when the firm breasts of his wife and the floral scent of her hair stopped arousing him. With Mads everything was different. There was passion, there was lust, they were drunk with each other. And now he even had a hard time coming. How cute that his wife thought it was intentional. But he also felt some kind of grim satisfaction. First, he did the infamous “conjugal duty” (only now he realized the whole meaning of the word “duty” in this phrase), and secondly, there was a satisfied feeling of revenge. Mads isn’t the only one allowed to have fun with his wife!

When they went down, Cyrus was already sleeping peacefully in Hanne’s arms and Mads was staring thoughtfully at the fire in the fireplace.

“Thank you” Claire took the baby “It was very nice of you to look after him”

She was a bit uncomfortable, but they all had a few drinks that night, so it kind of shifted the boundaries between them. 

“It’s all right, dear” Hanne gave her a warm smile, wrinkles forming in the corners of her eyes. “It was so nice to sit with the baby, I had almost forgotten what it is like! My kids are already kind of grown up..”

***  
At night, Hugh was lying in bed, nervously listening to any sounds. He was sure that he insulted Mikkelsen, and now he feared his revenge. Through the breaths of his wife and son he perceived a barely audible knock. This could be the knocking of the bed in the Mikkelsens’ room. Or it could be just the knocking of a branch on a window downstairs. Dancy tried to fall asleep, but he just couldn’t. When he almost managed to fall asleep, he heard a female groan, muffled by the thick wall, dispelling his last doubts. Abruptly throwing his hot blanket aside, Hugh jumped off the bed.

“Where are you going?” Claire sleepily rubbed his eyes, woken up by her husband.

“I’ll go have a glass of water” Dancy grunted and hurried downstairs. 

He was alone downstairs. Hugh filled a glass with tap water and drank it all in one gulp. The water was cool, clean and tasted good, unlike the water in the city. He filled the glass for the second time when he heard a painfully familiar voice behind him:

“Well, here we meet again”

Sharply turning around, he almost bumped into Mads. The Dane’s body was hot and it literally smelled like sex. Ashamed, Hugh noticed that a slight feeling of excitement started mixing up with the resentment and irritation. 

“I just came down here to drink some water” the Brit’s voice gave away his jealousy.

“Me too” Mikkelsen took the filled glass from his hands and drank it up.

“I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” Mads asked with a mocking smile, licking his lips. 

Hugh’s face flushed even more. All the words disappeared from his mind at once and he could only open and close his mouth like a fish.

“You’re so cute when you’re jealous”

“I’m not jealous!”

 

“Hush” Mads pressed a finger against his lips, then suddenly pulled him towards him and kissed Hugh.

Everything inside Hugh shifted, but he put his hands on the Dane’s chest and literally pushed him away.

“Shit, Mads! Would you decide on who and what you need?! You have tortured me enough!” Hugh’s voice was sincerely filled with pain. 

“Did you experience pleasure while having sex with your wife?” Mikkelsen’s eyes gleamed dangerously in the dark. 

Hugh lowered his head. He wasn’t going to admit it to him. But he couldn’t lie either. Fortunately, the Dane understood it without saying it out loud. He pulled Dancy towards him again and huskily whispered on top of his lips:

“So let’s satisfy our hunger, which our wives can not satisfy.”

Hugh trembled inside his arms, but this time he let himself be kissed.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he whispered, feeling his voice shake.

“Who cares” Mikkelsen grabbed his hand. “Come on.”

And as several months ago, Hugh allowed it to be lead by him through the darkness of someone else’s home. Mads took him to the fireplace, as it was the darkest part of the house. In the evening, this place was illuminated by the flames in the fireplace, but now it was very dark here and only the heat from the dying embers served as an evidence of the fireplace’s existence. When Hugh felt the soft fabric of the carpet with his bare feet, Mikkelsen stopped.

“We’re not going to…?” Hugh started speaking, but Mads cleverly tricked him by giving him a passionate, hungry kiss.

“Oh god…” Dancy allowed himself to lie down on the silky carpet, on which Cyrus was playing only a few hours ago. “You’re definitely crazy! What if someone comes down here?”

“Who?” Mads let go of his neck just for a second. “It’s three o’clock, they’re all sleeping”

He began kissing Hugh’s body again, and when he slightly bit his nipple, Dancy had to clench his teeth and focus not to moan aloud.

“So…the danger...of being caught...arouses you?” He asked, feeling his body burn at the touch of the Dane.

“You arouse me.” Mads said simply, lowering his kisses.

Hugh was completely lost in fear and arousal. He felt Mikkelsen’s kisses on his stomach, on his chest and on his neck again. Pressing his stone hard arousal against Dancy he whispered:

“I almost went crazy with jealousy while you were upstairs with your wife, lille slyngel*.”

Hugh’s heart trembled with joy and he wanted to say something in return, but Mikkelsen suddenly pressed his hand roughly against his mouth and froze. A second later, Dancy broke out in a cold sweat.

They heard quiet footsteps. Someone was coming down the stairs.  
\-----------------------------------------

*little asshole (dan.)


	10. The Night When the World Collapsed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!  
> Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479 (Russian)

It seemed like they were not the only ones who couldn’t sleep that night. The soft, careful steps were accompanied by a barely audible creaking of the stairs. For Hugh they were the fatal stroke of fate. He was frozen, but he felt his heart beating in the rhythm of a samba. Afraid to even breathe, Dancy lay pressed into the soft carpet with the body of his lover. He kept looking at the staircase from the corner of his eyes, wondering who the person was to swing the sword above their heads, ready for execution. 

It was completely dark in the living room, but the silhouette of the sleepless person clearly stood out against the window. After slowly descending the stairs, the figure stopped on the last step and looked around. It seemed to Hugh, as though this someone was staring in their direction. Panic flooded him as he jerked underneath Mads in an attempt to crawl away and hide properly. But Mads held him firmly, knowing that one unfortunate creak of the floor boards would give them away. Therefore, the only option was to stand still and keep quiet.

The figure was tired of inspecting the darkness. Just as slowly, she stepped towards the light switch.

A “No!” escaped Hugh, but his voice was safely drowned by Mads’ hand. 

“Quiet.” Mikkelsen’s voice trembled when his dry lips touched Dancy’s ear.

The dim lights above the stove were switched on with a click. Dancy felt his heart stopping. He was never as anxious as this before!

It was Viola. And Hugh thanked god that she didn’t switch on the big lights, but only a dim lamp near the window. Its light barely reached the middle of the room, dissolving into darkness, which successfully covered Hugh and Mads. It was wise of the Dane to keep his hand fixed on top of Dancy’s lips, because, as it turned out, endurance wasn’t Hugh’s strength. He started to flail underneath him again, consumed with his panic, like a fish caught in a net. Mads touched his ear with his lips again:

“Calm down, she doesn’t see us”

Hugh froze again. He looked at Viola. She was fairly far away from them on the other end of the living room. She turned around again, but then opened the refrigerator. She took a bottle of beer and sat down directly on the counter near the sink, underneath the light. She pulled out her mobile phone and put it to her ear. 

“Hello, James? Hi. Sorry for calling you so late, I had to wait until everyone was asleep”

She took a sip from the bottle.

“Who the hell knows why they have dragged me and Carl with them? If dad wanted to have a walk with his colleague and his wife on Christmas, he could have invited just them! This sucks…”

She paused briefly, obviously listening to her friend. 

“Oh, this Dancy is kind of weird. I am perfectly aware of the fact that all actors are somehow weird, but he… No it’s not even the point! He… He keeps looking at my dad in a kind of strange way. It’s really surprising that neither my mom nor his wife noticed it. Oh by the way, they have brought their baby with them! He’s so cute! I could play with him all day! I love children…”

Hugh looked at Mads. Fear entangled his heart again like a web.

“Yeah, Hugh Dancy. Well, actually, it’s none of my business, but looking at them I begin to suspect that their relationship goes beyond a working relationship… Oh, stop it! I’m not a pervert! Although, maybe you’re right and I am just interpreting too much… It’s so damn boring here after all! I’ll still try to convince my parents to let me go spend Christmas with you. Yes, I remember.” Viola lowered her voice. “Of course I’ll bring it with me. You’re so impatient! No, I won’t tell you…”

The flirtatious conversation was very uncomfortable to listen to and Hugh could only feel sorry for Mads. She didn’t return to the topic of Mads’ and Hugh’s relationship, but had been talking for about another forty minutes with her boyfriend. Hugh had a stiff neck and his arm has gone dead, but the Dane didn’t allow him to move in any way. Finally, Viola hung up. After jumping off from the counter, she threw the empty bottle in the trash and turned out the lights. Darkness flooded the room again and Hugh was sincerely relieved. The young woman went towards the stairs and was on her way upwards, but suddenly she stopped in the middle of the staircase and turned her head in their direction.

“Go away, go away!” Hugh prayed to himself. Why did she stop? Did she hear something? Did she smell the scent of Mads’ cigarettes? Or the smell of Hugh’s cologne? The Brit was on the verge of hysteria. 

Viola turned around and went down the stairs again. Hugh already thought this would be the end, but she didn’t walk towards them. She walked towards the trash, took the empty bottle out of it and hurried up the stairs again. Her rapid steps faded away in the depths of the floor above them. 

Mads finally rolled down and released Hugh. His whole body was shaking with silent laughter. Dancy, on the contrary, wanted to beat the hell out of him.

“What the fuck was that?” He jumped onto his feet. It felt like a thousand invisible needles were stabbing his arm and neck.

“Were you as scared as me when she suddenly returned?”

Mads was lying on his back with a silly smile, staring at Hugh.

“Why did she come back?” Dancy ran his fingers through his hair, feeling his lips forming the same hysterical grin.

“For the bottle! Haven’t you seen it? We don’t allow our children to drink alcohol. At least not in front of us. So she was afraid that either I or Hanne would notice the bottle in the basket. Now she will hide it and then secretly throw it away.”

“You and your family will drive me crazy!” Hugh looked at the stairway, confused. It was highly unlikely that someone else would come down here again, but he still wanted to be out of danger as soon as possible. 

“Hugh,” Mads got up and looked into his eyes. “I’m a bit more alarmed about her words at the beginning of the conversation. About you. It’s just a speculation for now, but no one should have noticed this. We’re not careful enough, damn it.”

He reached out and touched Dancy’s cheek "a la Lecter", gently circling his ear with his thumb. He smiled sadly.

“You’re driving me crazy as well, Hugh” Mads said quietly. “I just lose control when you’re around. It probably wasn’t the best idea to spend time with our families. The temptation is stronger than we are, but we have to fight it.”

He pulled Hugh towards him, who obediently let himself be kissed. 

“We’ll still have time” Mads continued. “Later. Conventions. Filming, for god’s sake. But now we have to stay strong. You understand?”

Hugh wanted to say so much. But he only said:

“I understand”

***

The next day, the house was filled with festive excitement. Hanne tried to convince Claire to stay for Christmas. The woman looked at her husband with confusion, not knowing, whether it was just a nice gesture or a sincere desire to spend Christmas eve together. Viola and Carl were decorating the artificial Christmas tree while Cyrus was sitting underneath its branches, digging around in a box with ornaments with great interest. Hugh sat next to him (almost in the same place where he was pressed into the carpet by Mads' body this night), untangled the garland and kept glancing at Viola. But the woman didn’t show her suspicions and didn’t pay any attention neither to him nor to his father. She really was far too busy with baby Cyrus. She was twenty five years old already, so, possibly, she had been thinking about having her own kids already. Hugh wondered, whether this James she was talking to tonight understood her hints. Marriage, family, children.

“Honey, why wouldn’t you stay if you don’t have any other plans for Christmas?” Mrs. Mikkelsen tried to convince Claire.

“I wouldn’t like to be a burden to you. Christmas is a family event after all!” Claire glanced towards her husband, who was completely absorbed in untangling the garlands.

“Nonsense! Me and Mass would be happy if you stayed with us! Am I right, Mass?”

Mikkelsen just got back from outside, where he put up wired reindeer with garlands tied around them. He smelled like fresh and cool air, his eyes were shining and snow was glistening on his graying hair. But Hugh didn’t allow himself to look at him more than a few seconds. Trying to escape his obsessive thoughts, he focused on the garland again.

“Of course, we wouldn’t mind if you stayed, Claire!” Mads noisily put the empty box the reindeer were once inside on the floor. “Even Cyrus likes being here. We’ll create a real European fairy tale for him!”

Claire smiled confused.

“Well… How can I help you then?” she finally gave up.

“Let’s cook dinner and let the boys finish decorating the house.” Hanne dragged her into the kitchen.

Hugh helped Mads hanging up the garlands onto the walls. The children were absorbed by the fireplace after having decorated the tree. Dancy didn’t tell Mikkelsen that he felt Viola's stare against his back. However, every time he turned around to look at her, she was focussing on something else.

“Maybe it’s just my imagination?” Dancy thought, handing the Dane another garland.

The last thing they’ve done was hanging up a mistletoe tied with a red ribbon. Hugh looked at it, his head thrown back, remembering all the awkwardness associated with this plant in his childhood and adolescence.

Hanging up a branch of mistletoe in the center of the room underneath the ceiling, Mads stepped off the ladder and kept standing right beside Hugh. Just raising his head, he cited:

“Unge pige, lad os lege skjul,  
giv mig kun et kys, det er jo jul.  
Jul, jul, jul, jul, jul, jul...*”

“What was that?” Hugh asked looking at him.

“Some Christmas carol, don’t remember the name though.”

“Oh, the first couple underneath the mistletoe!” Hanne walked past them, carrying a tray of deliciously smelling cookies. “Now, kiss!”

Dancy blushed immediately. Now Viola was definitely staring at them. Everyone was staring at them. But hardly anyone, except Mads, knew, what storm of emotions this caused inside Hugh.

“There's a copyright by Fuller on every kiss with Hugh Dancy.” Mads gave his wife a cheerful smile. “So if you want to see it, you’ll have to pay your price, and it's pretty expensive!”

“As if I need this!” Hanne huffed and playfully pushed Hugh aside. “I hope kissing me is free for you?”

“Yeah, I can kiss you.” Mads agreed, putting on serious look and pulling his wife towards him.

Hugh turned away from them, looking at Claire:

“Your parents didn’t invite us this Christmas?”

“No, they haven’t called. But it’s almost Christmas now, they could invite us in the last moment.”

“So for now we could actually stay here?”

“Seems like we could” Claire smiled and picked up Cyrus. The baby was holding a big, hollow angel, which was the top of the Christmas tree, in his chubby hands. The tall Carl took Cyrus and gave him a lift, so the boy could place the ornament on the top of the tree. The room was decorated completely.

***

After dinner, Mads made a rather weak mulled wine for everyone. They all sat around the fire and the Christmas tree for a long time, talking about everything. Even Carl put down his devices and talked to his parents and their friends. Hugh didn’t know, but could have assumed, that this was the way they spent their holidays during their childhood. Viola and Carl looked happy and at peace. It didn’t seem as though they were bored. There was some kind of domestic magic about it, the magic of a family home. Even Claire fit perfectly into this idyllic picture, holding baby Cyrus. And then there was Hugh, who was like the fifth wheel, like a cancer cell in the body of a healthy family. Mads was different now - a calm, loving family father, supporting and protecting. The perfect husband. So what right did Hugh have to break into their cozy world and destroy it? What right did he have to love Mikkelsen? And his heart ached from the fact that, despite of all the reasoning in his mind, his soul was poisoned with this feeling, cursed forever. The more the others were relaxed and had fun with each other, the darker Dancy became. He filled his cup with the drink over and over again, but it did not bring him any comfort. With each second he seemed to distance himself from the others more and more, being eaten up from the inside by guilt and despair. He hated himself for loving Mads. And he cherished his hatred. He was completely confused with his feelings.

Everyone went off to bed long after midnight. Carl went to bed first, followed by Viola, her dark eyes glancing towards Hugh before going up the stairs. Then Claire went off, bringing Cyrus to bed. Hugh was thinking of following her, but then Hanne stood up.

“Wow, we’ve been sitting here for quite a while!” she stretched herself. “No, Hugh, don’t get up! You can sit here for a while if you want, it’s really very cozy! Just don’t forget to put out the fire when you’ll go to sleep, Mass.”

If Hugh had drank less, he would have gone to bed. But now he stayed. The conversation was kept alive all evening, but Dancy didn’t participate in it. He wanted to tell Mads so many things, but, of course, not in front of everyone. But he could do it now.

If Hugh had drank less, he wouldn’t have taken the risk.

If Hugh had drank less, what happened next wouldn’t have happened…

“I don’t want to sound rude,” Mads stood up from his chair and stirred up the wood in the fireplace, raising some sparks. “But you’re drinking for three today.”

Dancy snorted.

“It’s just mulled wine, there's barely any alcohol in it.”

Mikkelsen looked at him with a slight reproach.

“You know, I think we really should leave” Dancy stood up as well and walked towards Mads. 

“How come?”

“Because it’s really...hard. I really shouldn’t be here, you know?”

“I don’t understand…”

“Damn, you’ve got such a wonderful family! Great children! A wonderful wife! I … I didn’t know this side of you! For me, you’ve always been...different. I don’t know what I was hoping for, but right now I feel like I don’t belong here! I’m a stranger here! I’m destroying your world! And others seem to get aware of this. Viola! She was constantly looking at me!”

“Nonsense…”

“She looked at me throughout the whole day! Checking my reactions! And this stupid situation underneath the mistletoe… I was almost done for! Thank god you have turned everything into a joke, but the following scene with Hanne…”

“Hugh…”

“You kissed her and I had to look away! Only afterwards I thought that it might have looked suspicious, but at this moment I was desperate! I’m sorry, but I’m really jealous! And this is so wrong! But I can’t help myself!”

“Hugh, stop.”

“No, let me finish!” Dancy was on fire. Unfortunately, he didn’t notice that Mads wasn’t looking at him anymore but somewhere else behind him. “You have your own family and I have mine! Why are we doing this? Every minute spent with you, is spoiled with the presence of our families! It’s too hard, Mads! I’m tired of hiding! Just let me go!”

“Alright, just…”

“Those few days we spent together, far away from everyone, were the best days of my life! And then I realized that I was hopelessly in love with you! I don’t want any Christmas or holiday with families. I. Just want. To be. With you! I love you, you fucking bastard!

“Now you’ll definitely have to leave.”

Hugh was confused for a second. Was Mads offended? No, it’s not like him to be offended. But what was it then?... And only now Hugh realized that Mikkelsen wasn’t looking at him. The Dane’s face was filled with pain, making every wrinkle visible. Now he looked even older than he was. Everything inside Hugh was broken and all the alcohol was blown out of his head instantly.

Slowly, as in a nightmare, Hugh turned around. The tightly stretched string inside his mind snapped apart, the agony choking him.

Claire was behind him.

She put the baby to sleep and came down for her husband. She didn’t want to creep up on them, Mads even saw her coming. It just happened. No one wanted it to be like this, but she had heard too much. Enough for her to be aware of the situation. Claire’s lips trembled in a pathetic smile. Her whole appearance was asking: “Are you kidding me?”. All three of them stood there for a moment, speechless. And in those few seconds, they could hear their world collapsing. Nothing would ever be as it was before...

 

\-------------------------------

*“Young girl, let’s play hide and seek / just give me a kiss / it is Christmas after all'' - Sikken voldsom trængsel og alarm (Danish Christmas carol)


	11. By the Dying Fireplace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!  
> Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479 (Russian)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay let me warn you, the next chapters will be incredibly angsty and will make you hate everyone and everything. If you're not driven off by this thought, please, read on.
> 
> \-------------------------------------------
> 
> Oh du lieber Augustin,  
> Alles ist hin!

Claire looked at her husband. Her widely opened eyes were wet, her lips were trembling. Her face was as pale as the snow outside the window, but her cheeks slowly started to glow.

“Claire…” Hugh’s voice cracked. 

It seemed as though the woman woke up from sleep. She glanced at the silent Dane, then at her husband again, then she stared at the ground. Looking sharply at Dancy again, she suddenly became furious, opened her mouth to say something. Hugh was ready to step towards her, ready to talk to her, ready to explain, ready to lie, but bitter tears flooded Claire’s eyes. She turned around abruptly, golden hair flashing in front of Hugh’s face, as the woman rapidly stepped towards the staircase.

“Claire, wait! You...you didn’t understand!” Dancy chased after her, like arms chasing after the falling plate, trying to grasp at least something after the sound of porcelain breaking. What if the plate will become whole again through a miracle? But fate usually doesn’t show mercy…

Mikkelsen was standing in the glow of the fireplace. Now he almost blamed himself for not stopping Dancy before, not leading the conversation into another direction, not preventing the trouble to happen. He almost felt guilty. Almost.

***

Claire only turned around to look at Hugh when they were in their room. After she heard her husband shut the door, she burst into tears. The awakened Cyrus whimpered along with her. He didn’t understand why his parents were upset, but out of a habit, he showed his solidarity.

“Claire, darling…” Hugh tried to touch his wife but she backed off from him like from a fire.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Claire, I can…”

“What? Explain what the fuck is going on here? Now I can do it myself!”

“No Claire, you don’t…”

“I understand everything! And you know what?” Claire placed her hands on her hips and put on a serious look, while tears kept pouring out of her eyes. “I can see it clearly now! This explains it all! Your obsession with work and you neglecting me, our constant fights and you being hysterical! Everything! You kept telling me about “Mads this” and “Mads that”... And I was such a fool, I was glad that my Hugh found such a good friend!...”

“Claire…” Dancy tried to say something, but his wife wouldn’t let him. Upset and sobbing, she kept swearing at him, breaking into a loud whisper now and then. She never liked scandals while they were not alone. And now, perhaps out of habit, she tried to conceal her anger and pain inside the wooden walls of someone else’s home. 

“I have long realized that you...you’re just obsessed with this Mikkelsen! But I couldn’t even imagine that you...that you…”

She choked with tears and couldn’t say it out loud. She just pressed her hand against her lips and squeezed her eyes shut. Her shoulders were shaking while she was sobbing. She fell silent and Hugh had some time to say something.

“I…” He hesitated, because he didn’t have anything to tell her. All his praised acting skills, his talent, everything faded in front of this real-life problem. He was able to lie, but now he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. His eyes were burning, overflowing with tears. He lost everything…

In this moment, he actually forgot about Mads, but he remembered their first meeting with Claire. The set, some ridiculous makeup and the coffee spilled on her dress. He remembered how she laughed back then. And how he fell in love with her laugh. He remembered their first walk together, their first dinner. The first night. That night they were walking along the promenade and looking at the stars… Their first kiss. The first moan of pleasure he ripped from her lips. Their first fight. And the first reconciliation. He remembered the funny gatherings with her friends, recalled his proposal, the shine in her eyes as she began to cry tears of happiness...wedding, flowers, friends and relatives, smiles and flashes of photographers, congratulations and happiness, happiness, happiness… And then her pregnancy, endless walks around the city, the greenery of Central Park blooming, colourful cars, the flapping of the pigeons’ wings… And the baby crying. The birth of Cyrus. A bit like h mommy, a bit like daddy. The material embodiment of their love. A small miracle the heavens sent them…

Hugh closed his eyes and tears rolled silently down his cheeks. The memories came back to life in his head with bright flashes, but immediately blurred, like old photos in the album. The memory of a joy long past can bring pain in the present. 

Claire raised her head. Turning to the whimpering and frightened Cyrus, she took the baby into her arms.

“Hush, hush, dear. Everything will be fine.” She said to her son with a trembling voice, kissing his soft, blonde hair. “Shh…”

Cyrus calmed down and anxiously glanced at his father. The child was scared and confused. Cyrus didn’t understand what had happened, he didn’t know the pain only a loved person can cause. But he already felt that something terrible happened… As if the hairy monster that lived under his bed was able to catch him. No… Much worse…

“Hugh” Claire looked at him over the tousled hair of their sun, in her eyes was pride, mixed up with humiliation. “Hugh, tell me one thing. Is it true? About you and Mads, about the weekend, which I did not know about and that you spent with him?... About your feelings for him?”

“I’m sorry, Claire” Hugh said, barely audible. He could have lied. But out of respect for her he didn’t. She deserved the truth. She deserved to make her own choice.

Claire closed her eyes again and when she opened them, her eyes brightened. Now, there was only determination inside them. 

“We’ll leave tomorrow. And with we I mean me and Cyrus. You can do whatever you want. I’ll take my son to my parents.”

“Claire, please…”

“No, Hugh. You… I don’t even know what to call it! It’s not even cheating! This… is just some kind of crap!” She laughed nervously. “I’ll have to think about this. But it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to forgive you.”

“But I can at least…”

“Go away.” She closed her eyes. Cyrus sat quietly on her lap and looked at his father with, seemingly, condemnation.

“Go away!” She repeated louder and tears started rolling from under her eyelids again.

Dancy silently left the room.

***

Hugh sat in an armchair downstairs in front of a dead fireplace when the grey dawn outside began to replace the darkness. He stayed awake this night. He had been thinking. Thinking about Claire. Thinking about Mads. Thinking about what would happen now. His cozy world with family, work, carefree hobbies and raising his beloved son, the beer on fridays and the holidays at the sea, everything collapsed. And Hugh was left standing alone in the ruins.

This night, Mikkelsen didn’t come downstairs, although Dancy felt that the Dane knew he was down here. And he knew that Claire approached them back then. But he didn’t stop him. He didn’t prevent what happened. Hugh was frustrated and angry at Mikkelsen. He was as guilty as Hugh about what happened! The same amount of responsibility lies upon him! But why did only Hugh Dancy’s world collapse? Feeling betrayed and lonely, the Brit had the desire for Claire to go wild and cause a scandal in front of everyone. He wanted her to accuse the honest and perfect family husband Mads for bringing his lover to his house! For bringing him to his wife, to his children! Oh, Hugh would have watched Hanne’s eyes widening in shock. The grimace on Viola’s knowing face. The disgusted and despising look Carl gave his father. The ideal family in this house from a Christmas card collapsing as well…

With such dark thoughts, a heavy headache from insomnia, a broken heart and a soul torn to shreds, Hugh met the new day.

The first to come down at seven in the morning was Hanne.

“Darling, why are you awake?” the hostess asked innocently.

“I couldn’t sleep…” Hugh answered hoarsely.

“You had a fight with Claire last night, huh?” She sat town on the edge of a chair nearby and smiled at him with kind sympathy. “It’ll be alright.”

Hugh looked into her hazel eyes. She pitied him! Anger and resentment burst inside his chest. Why should he wait for Claire, if he could tell her everything right now?

‘We had a fight with Claire because she caught me declaring my love to your husband! And I also kind of mentioned the few days and nights we spent together! Oh, didn’t you know? After all, we have fucked in your bed, how didn’t you feel it, how didn’t you get it you stupid woman? Look at yourself: you’re old, your skin is withered and you have sagging breasts! Do you think Mads needs you? He needs me, so he brought me here! He almost fucked me on this very carpet, but your daughter interrupted us. Even she had already guessed what’s going on and you’re still blind’

“I don’t know.” Hugh said instead. He couldn’t look into her eyes, so he lowered his gaze and stared onto the floor.

“Well, it happens sometimes. Don’t worry about it.” Hanne gently touched his forearm. Hugh shuddered. He wanted to push her away, to throw her hand off, to yell at her, to tell her everything! But he allowed her to stroke his arm.

“You can’t imagine the countless times we had a fight with Mass. Oooh… I even tried to leave him several times. He is not an easy person, you know. He can be an extremely selfish bastard. Probably too spoiled by society admiring him.”

Dancy looked at her again. In Hanne’s words he suddenly saw a reflection of his own thoughts. 

“But it’s all going to be alright. The rain stops, you’ll see a rainbow in the sky and the sun coming out from behind the clouds” She smiled and stroked his shoulder, standing up. “So don’t worry. Everything will be fine.”

Claire whispered “Everything will be fine” to their son and it was a lie. Nothing will be fine anymore…

Mads came down at eight. He placed a kiss on his wife's forehead, while she handed him his coffee. He glanced at Hugh, as if only to have a short look, and greeted him dryly. The Brit didn’t respond to his greeting, glaring at his face, but he couldn’t make the Dane look back. Betrayal burnt him like acid.

“What’s for breakfast?” Mads turned towards his wife. He played his role in their tragicomedy ‘Nothing happened last night’ perfectly well. 

Hanne didn’t have time to answer, as Claire came down the stairs. She dragged two packed suitcases behind her. Cyrus followed her, already dressed for departure. The child looked as cold and focussed as his mother.

“Sweetheart?” Hanne called her startled.

Claire looked at her with her red eyes from the lack of sleep. “Now” Hugh thought and cringed mentally. Mads was getting nervous too, his pupils dilating and his face going pale instantly. The silence only added to the tension.

Claire triumphantly looked at her husband, then she looked at the house owner. She felt the fate of them both in her hands, that she might destroy someone else’s happiness, like her happiness was destroyed. She could take revenge by destroying the life of the person who destroyed her life.

“Dad.” Carl approached his father, removing his headphones. He had been sitting at the table with his tablet and didn’t know that right now, perhaps, the fate of his family was being decided. “Dad, I’ve been on the Internet and found an interesting article on how to make a bear-trap for a hare. Let’s…”

He stopped, feeling that something was wrong. Following the gazes of the others, he also started staring at Claire, confused like Cyrus. The young woman’s eyes started burning again.

“We… we need to go.” She finally said.

“Where are you going?” Hanne stepped towards the staircase. “It’s almost Christmas! You promised to stay!”

“We…” Dancy’s wife sobbed. “My parents called. They asked us to come.”

“Oh my god, did something happen?” Mrs. Mikkelsen asked horrified.

“No, no,” Claire laughed nervously. “They just want to see us for Christmas. They haven’t seen her grandson for a while now, so I just couldn’t refuse to come! Not for Christmas.”

“I understand.” Hanne was genuinely sad.”When are you leaving?”

“Right now” Claire said.

“So soon?” the hostess looked around helplessly, as if in search of something that could hold their guests a bit longer. “Well, thank you for a wonderful weekend! It was so nice to meet you and Cyrus, to get to know you!”

“Yeah, to know…” Claire said quietly and shook her head. “Thanks for your hospitality and kindness! I will always remember these Christmas holidays!”

Hugh and Mads simultaneously lowered their heads.

“I really hope you’ll visit us again!” Hanne smiled at her. Poor, naive Hanne…

Claire just smiled sadly.

“Well, if they are in a hurry…” Mrs. Mikkelsen turned around to face her husband. “Maybe you could bring them to the airport?”

“NO!” Hugh and Claire shouted at the same time.

Confused, Hanne turned towards them again. 

“I’m afraid they’ll have to call a taxi” Mads looked into his wife's eyes apologetically. “I have some issues with the car, so it won’t start.”

“Christ! How many times have I told you to get your car checked?” Hanne cried out angry.

“No, no, a taxi is a great!” Claire finally fully came down the stairs. Cyrus grabbed her leg and stared at Hugh from the corner of his eye. 

“Didn’t you have three bags?” Mads noticed.

While Claire called the taxi, Hugh quickly packed his bag. While packing, he waited for Mads to come to him, to tell him just anything… But it seemed as though Mikkelsen really turned out to be a selfish bastard, as Hanne said. 

A yellow, “checkered” on its roof Chevy approached the house. Hugh went down. The Mikkelsen family warmly said goodbye to them. Viola even seemed to tear up while hugging Cyrus. Hugh held out his hand towards Mads. It was the first time he looked into his eyes this morning. The Dane’s eyes were filled with guilt. The Brit’s eyes were filled with hatred.

“I’m sorry...about that…” Mads said quietly, so only Dancy could hear him. He didn’t answer anything though, pressing his lips together and pulling his hand away forcefully. He turned around, picked up the bag, and went outside the house of the man who made him and his family suffer.

***

They were very silent in the taxi. Hugh sat on the front seat, Claire and Cyrus were on the back seat. Some tasteless pop music poured out from the speaker and the air freshener filled the car with a sickly-sweet flavor.

When they arrived at the airport, Hugh could almost feel the fluids of anger and resentment emanating from his wife. Coming out of the car, Claire picked up her and her son’s bags.

“Come on, darling.” She said to Cyrus and went towards the airport, ignoring her husband. She probably would have ran, but she couldn’t even walk a bit faster, as her son couldn’t keep up with her.

Dancy sighed, paid the taxi driver and threw his bag over his shoulder.

“Women!” The driver chuckled knowingly, nodding in Claire’s direction.

‘You don’t know shit about us, asshole!’ Hugh thought to himself and hurried after his wife. 

He tried to call her, but she continued to ignore him. Her face, though slightly swollen from crying, seemed to be stone cold.

The airport was crowded. Why did all these people need to travel on Christmas Eve? Fearing to lose track of Claire and their son, Hugh made his way through the crowd, constantly getting hit by an elbow or stepped on by a heel. 

Claire stopped at the terminal. A woman in a blue uniform smiled politely but tired at her. 

“The next flight to New York?” Claire took out her purse. 

“In an hour, ma’am.”

“Two tickets for me.” She held out her credit card. The tickets cost almost three times more than the ones they bought ahead of time to fly here. 

“Claire, listen…” Hugh attempted to talk to her again.

“I don’t want to listen to you!” Claire hissed, putting her tickets and boarding passes into her bag, stepping away from the terminal. “I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you! I don’t even want to know you! I hate you and I want you to leave me alone!”

“But we need to talk…”

“You can talk to your ‘Dr. Lecter’!” She went towards the waiting room. Hugh followed her.

“Please, I didn’t want anything to turn out like this! It was an accident, a mistake! Forgive me, I don’t love him!”

“You said something else yesterday.”

“I honestly wanted it all to stop, to forget it, to end it. I just drank too much yesterday and…”

“Nice try, Mr. Smart! To drag me into the house of your....lover! Bravo, Mr. Dancy, I was never humiliated by a guy like this before!”

A passing by, aged lady suspiciously glanced at them, as she heard a fragment of Claire’s phrase. But now the couple didn’t care.

“Claire, I realized that I need just you and Cyrus!...”

Claire stopped abruptly and Hugh almost bumped into her. She turned to him and Dancy was horrified by the hatred burning in her eyes.

“Don’t you dare. Saying. His name.” She hissed at him.”You didn’t only bring shame upon yourself, but also upon him. Thank God he is still so little and doesn’t understand what his daddy did!”

Hugh looked at his son. The boy’s eyes were glistening.

“Daddy?” He asked. And everything was in this pure look of a child: misunderstanding, resentment, reproach, fear, and, the unknown to the young heart, sadness. He really didn’t know what his father had done, but he felt that everything was very bad.

“Leave us alone.” Claire said harshly. “Don’t call us. Don’t come home. I’ll contact you when the time comes.”

She turned around and walked away. Hugh kept standing there. Cyrus hesitated for a few seconds and then burst into tears, not knowing what he should do.

“Daaaaaaaaaaaddy…”

“Go.” Hugh’s quiet voice trembled. “Go to your mommy. Come on, go and catch up with her.”

Cyrus turned around and ran for his mother. And Hugh was glad that his son didn’t see his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay let me warn you, the next chapters will be incredibly angsty and will make you hate everyone and everything. If you're not driven off by this thought, please, read on.


	12. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN! Credit goes to: ficbook.net/readfic/174147

His wife and son went into the waiting room inside the transit zone, leaving Hugh standing in the middle of the lobby. Time seemed to be distorted, blurry and torn apart. Strangers were passing by as he stood there, pushing him with their elbows, brushing him with their heavy suitcases, wounding him with their cheerful conversations. There were so many people, but still Hugh had never felt as lonely before, as lost. Worthless. It was just yesterday that he had everything, whereas he had nothing left now. He was left alone. He felt resentment gathering up in his throat, his body felt numb and his head completely empty. Hugh stood there like this for about ten minutes, pointlessly staring at the giant electronic display on a wall quite far away with the schedules of the flights. The display flashed up and the schedule changed. Dancy blinked, becoming aware that he had to do something… He turned and looked around. The whole airport was decorated for Christmas with garlands, ornaments and countless smiling Santa faces. “Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, you loser!” On the information board a few meters away from him, Hugh saw a bar sign. Well, a drink wasn’t a bad idea right now! So Hugh headed there.

There were not many people in the bar, but still all the seats were taken. Dancy ordered himself some whiskey and situated himself at the corner of the bar counter. The bartender, a young boy, asked, whether Hugh wanted to have something else with the drink. A middle-aged, unattractive woman was smoking nearby. Pall Mall. The Brit ordered a pack of cigarettes. The bartender handed him a new, sealed pack with a lighter (there was a winged logo of the airline on the glossy side). Hugh lit the cigarette. The bitter smoke scratched his throat, burned, and disappeared deep inside him. Only a small part came out when he exhaled. Dancy pulled another time and closed his eyes.

Smoke. Poisonous like the Dane’s kisses.

He couldn’t forget. Couldn’t forgive. Couldn’t accept.

No, he shouldn’t think! Just throw him out of his head!

Hugh opened his eyes, put the burning cigarette on the ashtray, and grabbed his glass with whiskey. In this bar there was a display on the wall as well, with the schedules of departures and arrivals of the planes, so people wouldn’t miss their flights due to the alcohol. Dancy studied the schedule. It wasn’t an option to stay here in Calgary as he had nowhere to go. He couldn’t return to the Mikkelsens after all!

Mads’ eyes were the same colour as whiskey that night…

The first thing that came to his mind was returning to New York. But...what would he do next? His wife stated clearly that she didn’t want to see him, so he shouldn’t turn up at home for now. Not to make it worse. So their flat in New York was not an option as well. He could go to their house on the coast, but, damn it, they have just started to rebuild it, so all the furniture was moved to a warehouse. Friends?... Yes, of course he had friends in the states, the kind of friends to grab a beer together and watch a game on the TV, but… not on Christmas Eve. Hell, he didn’t have a friend he could go to like this on Christmas Eve and who wouldn’t shut the doors in front of him. “Because it’s Christmas”, “Because it’s a family holiday”, “Because everyone has his own life”. Hugh’s friends were more the kind of friends who love hanging out with you, but only as long as you’re okay. They couldn’t support him with his problems and pull him out of his depression.

Loneliness.

Mads would have supported him. He would have helped him cope. If he wasn’t the cause of what happened…

So he couldn’t count on his friends. Hugh put down his empty glass and asked the bartender to refill it, while studying the flights and weighing his options. The most flights were, of course, internal flights, but the Calgary airport was an international airport, opening doors into almost any part of the world: Europe, Asia, South America… He could go anywhere, fly far, far away, rent a house for a few days… Well, for example, he could go to Germany, Munich, in about two hours. But he couldn’t run away from himself, from his loneliness and betrayal, from his thoughts…

...about the strong arms, the kind and mischievous smile, about the soft voice with the Danish accent…

No! Stop thinking about him! Hugh furiously emptied his glass with the remaining whiskey. He started to feel the alcohol and the resentment was changing into anger. The bartender refilled his glass again and warned him that he shouldn’t drink more than that. It’s an airport after all. Most people around him were not drinking because of their misery, but because of their banal fear of flying. The alcohol was a great help to stop being afraid of something. Hugh also didn’t feel afraid anymore, he was filled with determination. Fly away! Fly just anywhere, far away from Mads, Claire, and anyone who caused him pain!

I don’t want to fly away, please, I want to stay here. I want to see you. I want…

Mads.

He was standing at the edge of the bar area. He looked at Hugh. He came for him…

Dancy’s heart clenched and then swell up unbearably in his chest, filling with pain, love and tears. He stopped breathing.

The obsession lasted only for a fraction of a second. One blink, and there was nobody there. He just thought him up. He just wanted to be with him so much, wanted for Mads to come after him…

His swollen heart seemed to burst, leaving a painful void behind. He broke out in tears. Hiding them from everyone, Hugh lowered his head, threw a hundred dollars on the counter, picked up his bag and quickly left the bar. While walking away, he looked down on his feet and the white floor tiles, afraid to look up. Afraid to see what wasn’t there again.

He automatically approached the terminal.

“Where are you flying to, sir?”

Hugh raised his red eyes and looked at the schedules. There were different flights again, a new one at the bottom. Calgary - London. Departing in two and a half hours.

London. Hugh felt nostalgic. His parents lived in London right now. They’d be happy to see him on Christmas Eve! Even if he arrived alone and without warning! His parents would always understand, would always support him, would always protect him from the cruel world. Even if he’s almost forty now, the child inside him will always seek protection in the parents’ home.

***

While waiting for the plane and boarding, Hugh thought of what he would tell his parents. What he would tell them about their fight with Claire, what he would tell them to be the cause of their fight. Utterly desperate, he was rehearsing his conversation with them. He didn’t know how to tell his old father and mother that he exchanged his sweet wife and son for some kind of guy! They wouldn’t even approve of any adultering with a woman, they would support Claire. Telling them about Mads was as easy as simply cutting off his tongue!

The plane was landing. Hugh sighed and fastened his seatbelt. He didn’t come up with anything yet! He decided to tell them that he had a simple fight with Claire and would keep the rest for himself. He hoped for them to respect his privacy.

It was late evening in London and it was slightly raining. Due to the weather conditions they had a rough landing. The plane bumped the landing gear on the runway, jumped up a bit, but landed safely then. Some passengers screamed in terror, but were relieved afterwards. While the plane was slowing down, Hugh carelessly imagined what would have happened if he got into an accident and died. What would have happened to Claire and Cyrus? Would Mads mourn him? Would there be another season of Hannibal? Silly, vengeful thoughts…

When Hugh wentout of the plane, he suddenly felt the thousand miles separating him from Mikkelsen. The separation from his wife was, for some reason, not as painful as leaving the Dane. The gusty wind and the icy, stinging rain only strengthened the feeling of loneliness. But he was not alone. He came home. He had a place to stay.

After getting his luggage and passing the control zone, Hugh called a taxi. Telling the driver his home address, he looked outside the window. The yellow cab quickly passed the half-empty streets, with nearly no people walking around, but with the constant rain. The lights flickered warmly, as if they were welcoming Hugh. Some folk music was coming out of the car's stereo, which made Hugh feel comfortable and at home. 

His parents’ house was a neat, two-storey house in a classic English style, with classy shutters and a mezzanine. 

Having paid the driver, Hugh got out of the cab. After taking his bag out of the trunk, the car’s lights blinked and it left. Dancy sighed and crossed the street. Glancing to the driveway, he noticed that his parents’ car wasn’t there and that there were no lights in the house. While the taxi was approaching their home, Hugh thought that his parents were simply asleep, but now the scary thought of them not being home crept up on him! So Hugh would be left outside in the pouring rain, because now there was nowhere else to go…

Dancy walked slowly towards the door and rang the bell. He heard an electronic ringing inside. And silence. Dancy waited a little and pressed the button again. No reaction. Hugh felt frustrated and angry at the injustice of the world. He had already turned around to leave again, maybe he could find some hotel where he could spend the night and overthink his options againin the morning, when a light fell on the lawn covered with frost. Hugh turned towards the door again.

The lock clicked, the handle turned, and the door opened. Kate, his younger sister, stood in the doorway, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“Hugh?”

“Kate, thank God!” Dancy embraced his sister, he was so glad to see her. “And I’ve told you so many times to ask who rang before opening the door!”

“Hugh, darling, I’m so glad to see you! But… what are you doing here?”

***

They’ve been sitting in the kitchen, holding hot cups of coffee, the exhausted Hugh and sleepy Kate, who from time to time adjusted the streaks of her dyed hair behind her ears. It turned out that their parents had left for Christmas to visit their friends in Hampshire and Kate just recently returned from another charity event in Africa, hoping to quietly wait in their parents’ home until the hustle and bustle of Christmas was over. Same as Hugh.

He didn’t want to tell her the truth about his visit at first. Kate realized that, apparently, something extremely bad happened, because her usually open and talkative brother prefered to remain silent. And only after the third cup of coffee, Hugh began to speak.

He started speaking hesitantly, but became more certain over time. He didn’t want to delve deeply into his problems, to dig inside himself and his feelings, but he seemed to be on fire, caused by the stress, fatigue, hunger and three cups of coffee. He told her everything, He told her, how at first he was jealous at Mads. How he liked talking to him. How “wrong thoughts” kept creeping into his mind, which he had tried to ignore for a long time. How Mads confused him, saying he hated gay people. How, afterwards, he invited him for a drink. How he shamefully fled to the toilet, when the Dane hinted that he suspected Hugh to have feelings for him. How it all came clear. He told her about the wonderful night and day after it. About the beautiful weekend when he felt he was really alive and happy. How everything changed, his happiness shattered when he faced reality. Family, kids, society. Claire and Hanne. Cyrus. Stability. Fucking stability! And how Mikkelsen’s wife invited them over to spend Christmas together at their house in the mountains. And it was wonderful! And painful at the same time. Because Mads was too close. Too many temptations. Too many reasons to lose his mind. To just go crazy with his love… And he went crazy. No, they were not caught in the act. Tormented by jealousy and insecurity, he began to sort everything out and Claire overheard everything. Claire learned it all firsthand! He talked to him, told him a lot, told him too much, and this Danish bastard just stood there, watching his life falling apart! And this was the result. Everything collapsed…

Kate listened to him attentively, without interrupting or turning away. She didn’t blame him. Her clear, blue eyes only showed pity and sympathy, which Hugh needed the most at this moment. Understanding. Support.

When he finished talking, Dancy took out the pack of cigarettes he bought at the Canadian airport. He lit a cigarette. And the first thing Kate said after this overwhelming confession was:

“You’re smoking?!”

Hugh smiled and shrugged.

“Weeelll…” his sister said, warming her hands up on the cup of coffee.

They remained silent for a moment. Hugh finished smoking.

“So, what do you think?” he couldn’t bear it.

“I think you had a too peaceful life.” Kate smiled slightly. “I don’t want to say you ruined your life, as it can still get better. But you’ve had enough changes for now. Midlife crisis, huh?”

“Do you think it’s all about it?”

“I think that since this whole thing has started...you weren’t happy. But you wanted to be. So you have found your...happiness”

“With Mads?”

“Yes. You’ve told me yourself that you were happy with him. And I noticed that while you were talking about the weekend, there was a glimpse of a smile on your lips. You didn’t smile for the rest of the conversation. Of course I’m not a therapist, but I can still say that you were really happy with him. That’s why it hurts so much right now. You don’t even suffer because of his betrayal, you’re suffering because your happiness is crushed. You feel sorry for yourself.”

“Well, who should I feel sorry for? For him?” Hugh snorted.

“Giving you a morally correct answer, I’d say that you should feel sorry for Claire. Although it should be poor Cyrus you should pity. The poor child… But I can’t tell you who you should pity, I’m just stating a fact. Your love...it’s kind of one-sided. You say that you love him, but it’s more like a passion, an obsession.”

“Isn't passion just a strong kind of love?”

“Not really. After all, passion puts the focus on your own feelings. You only think about yourself, fear for yourself. You were hoping for Mads to come back for you? And you didn’t think about what he would have to tell Hanne? How would his children react if they knew who exactly you were for their father in the first place? You didn’t think about the fact, that Mikkelsen didn’t stand up for you in the morning only because he was afraid for himself. He is just the same as you are, just afraid of losing himself and his life. You’re not teenagers, who can grab each other’s hands and run away to the end of the world together, fleeing from everyone who is against your love. You’re adults. You have enough experiences and have achieved a lot, which wasn’t given to you easily. You have a lot of things to lose. And you’re afraid to lose them.”

Kate paused. Hugh stared at his cup.

“So you mean this is not love?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know. And I don’t know what Mads' feelings about you. And you don’t know as well, this is your main mistake. Why did he actually try to push you away first and then invited you for a drink? Why did he allow you to spend the weekend with him, just to push you away on Monday? Why did he act like ‘nothing happened’ and then invited you over for Christmas? And finally, why did he allow this to escalate like this? Now he is in Canada, Claire is in the States, and you are here. Looks like it wasn’t you...responsible for this “relationship”, but him. What did he want?”

“He’s just a son of a bitch!” Kate’s words hurt Hugh. But at the same time there was some truth in them. He really didn’t know what Mads felt about him! He didn’t know anything about his feelings, because they have never talked about it. They have never discussed their emotions, only satisfying their needs. The sex was amazing, of course, but Hugh felt something more. They have talked about many things, but they’ve never talked about their own feelings for each other. Typical male behavior…

“What should I do, Kate?” Hugh asked hoarsely after a few moments of silence. 

“Well, first of all you need to calm down. Rest. I know it’s hard, but you’ll just have to wait. You said that Claire will call you?”

“Yes.”

“What about Mads?”

“I don’t know”

“I think he’ll call as well. There is one thing I can say for sure: he does care about you. And now he is thinking about you as well.”

Dancy pictured Mikkelsen lying awake in his huge bed many, many hundreds of miles away, gloomily staring at the ceiling and thinking about him. This made him calm down a bit.

“Generally, here’s what I suggest.” Kate got up from behind the table. “Now you’ll have to go to sleep. And about your situation...we’ll just have to wait. Wait until someone calls you first, whoever needs you more. Whether it is your previous, stable and calm life, or the adventurous and reckless one, which makes you happy.”


	13. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN!!!  
> Credit goes to: http://ficbook.net/readfic/1741479 (Russian)

The Christmas miracle didn’t happen, contrary to all the hopes and Christmas magic. Hugh and Kate peacefully celebrated the family holiday together, remembering childhood and decorating the old and worn out artificial Christmas tree. Hugh’s phone was bursting with phone calls and best wishes from his friends, colleagues and family on this magical  
night. But the two dearest people to him didn’t call.

It was heartbreaking for Kate to see how her brother would not take his eyes off the smartphone during the whole Christmas eve, how with each call or message his eyes are filled with hope - and then disappointment.

“Hugh, it has only been two days.” She tried to calm down her brother. “They also need to think about all that happened, they have to make a decision. And you’re not ready for this ultimate choice either. You’re still upset and any outcome right now would come as a shock, but you’ll need to accept the loss of one of them.”

This word, “loss”, seemed to stab Dancy's heart. Nothing would go back to the way it was before, he would either lose his heart (if he stayed with Claire), or his soul (if he left with Mads). There weren’t many difficult periods and turning points in his life, but what was happening now seemed to be the hardest thing ever for Hugh. And although Kate called it a “choice of fate”, Hugh knew he would have to make the last decision. He knew that every person was responsible for his own happiness, but now Hugh doubted that he would remain happy.

*****

The Christmas holidays started. The snow fell in London and all the puddles on the streets were covered with a crust of sparkling ice. Every morning Hugh woke up in his room, where he had lived from the age of 16 to 20. He didn’t wake up from the hated alarm clock, but from the childrens’ shouts and laughter outside, which was much more enjoyable to wake up to. Although nothing would compare to the morning when he was woken up by the touch of Mads' lips on his neck ever again...Kate and Hugh had breakfast and went for a walk afterwards. The woman tried everything to distract her brother of his torturing thoughts. They walked around the city, went shopping, to the movies, had dinner in the cafe, went skating and visited distant corners of London they used to go to as children. Their parents have called and were very surprised that Hugh was staying in England, being sorry as they were not able to come, but hoped to meet their son in January. 

On New Year’s eve Kate took Hugh to her friends. It was a lively party, the friendly strangers and the huge amount of alcohol helped Hugh to relax. In contrast to Christmas eve, on New Year’s eve Hugh barely looked at his phone, only picking it up to answer a call. However, the disappointment at the sight of the “wrong number” remained the same. And Kate noticed that Hugh, seemingly having fun and easily keeping up conversations with the others, still was kind of distant. If any girl started talking to him privately, the actor would leave her quickly, apologizing and demonstratively rubbing the ring on his finger. Kate couldn’t blame him for doing it, she understood her brother’s fear, but…She wondered whom he thought about in those moments. About his wife or about his “friend”?

Nevertheless, the party was great, Hugh fit perfectly into the company and Kate’s friends liked him. They parted when it was already morning, exchanged phone numbers and asked for him to “get in touch with them the next time he’s in London”. Hugh nodded and smiled at his new friends. But only his sister saw the glimpse of sadness in his bright eyes.

Even though January in England turned out to be cloudy, it was still bright and serene: the streets were covered in silver snow, colourfully dressed children filled the surroundings with their merry laughter, the shops were full of Christmas decorations and the appealing SALE signs, and the cozy coffee shops were attracting the pedestrians with the aroma of freshly ground coffee. Kate didn’t talk to Hugh about his problem, he himself was more comfortable with talking about anything else. But still, Kate noticed Hugh’s long glances at children resembling Cyrus, noticed him staying at the supermarket for a long time looking for a “special” beer (Hugh was actually looking for the beer Mads bought him and Kate was aware of this). Her brother was sadly watching any married couple, whether they were arguing or loving each other. He also unexpectedly offered Kate to go to the shop “Everything for Hunting and Fishing”, where he kept staring at fishing equipment. Kate had never known of this passion for fishing, but after his brother’s story about the magical weekend with Mads she had no hard time figuring out. And he kept grabbing a cigarette. Kate tried to argue with him about it, but it only led to him not smoking in front of her. But his hair and clothes still smelled of tobacco. She knew that it wasn’t a nicotine addiction. Yet it was obsession. He was obsessed with the damned smoking Dane who destroyed his life!

On afternoons Hugh honestly tried not to think about Claire and Mads, but he still had this feeling that his phone was ringing from time to time. But even if anyone called, it wasn’t them. It was more difficult at night though. As soon as Hugh closed his eyes, the heavy thoughts flooded him, not letting him sleep. And Dancy was not able to deal with them, he just thought about everything and weighed it. But such thoughts only brought him pain.

Who should he stay with?

Staying with Mads obviously wasn’t the right solution. In this case the Mikkelsen’s family would be destroyed as well as, of course, his own. No matter how they would attempt to hide it, pretty soon the information would leak into the media. Most of the people would condemn them. If they were single in the first place, the tolerant America would worship their love, that they finally found each other despite their hardships. But the fact that they both have a family, children… Society is still very traditional about their moral values, but even stronger about obligation. They have already made a choice once to be with Claire and Hanne, so they must bear it until the end. If Hugh stayed with Claire, if he raised his children, aged well and came out only in some kind of interview, shocking the public, people would certainly admire him, looking up to him as a martyr for love: “He lived with his unloved wife, because he was obligated to take care of her and their children, and he managed to do it. But the price for this was a broken heart and not being able to be with his beloved one.” Maybe they would make a movie out of his story…

To be with Claire seemed to be right. It’s reliability and stability, it’s certainty. It’s family life, being parents together, traditional values and the approval of everyone around them. To be with Claire was simple and clean, peaceful. But at the same time the once strong, flaming love for her was gone and now it was a stable feeling of attachment. He was used to being with her. But with her gone it would still hurt. Not because of her personally, but because of the atmosphere between them. But most importantly - there was Cyrus. And even if Hugh could imagine a life without Claire, he couldn’t leave this little ray of light in his life, this angel with his naive eyes and merry laughter. His heart ached painfully while thinking about becoming a “dad at a distance” for Cyrus, which the son would be able to meet only once a week (or even once every two weeks) for several hours. Someday he would grow up and the mystery about why his stupid father left and who that mystery person was he left to would be revealed. And then he might come to hate his father. And Hugh might lose his only son.

But he selfishly, frantically, for crying out loud wanted to be with Mads, in spite of everything he was told, in spite of morals, values, obligations and common sense. Hugh was aware of the fact that their passion wouldn’t necessarily last forever. Over their six years together, his feelings for Claire became less intense, although when they first met on set of “Evening” he also literally went crazy about her. And they had common interests, shared common friends, had a common life… But their love drowned in the dullness of everyday life, in the endless travels and trips, being in constant separation. The affection remained, but the once burning passion faded. His heart was beating steadily and calmly.

And then he met Mads. Or, met him for the second time. After their first filming together on “King Arthur” it seemed like Cupid’s arrow only brushed him, leaving interest for the Dane inside his soul. But shooting the show… After ten years, during their next meeting, Cupid didn’t miss his target. The Dane broke into his life, so confident and charming. The strictly elegant Doctor Lecter. Either the cold, or the flaming Mads Mikkelsen. All eyes were on him, he was always the heart of the company, was on top of his success and universally loved. It was impossible not to like him, impossible not to be charmed by him. And Hugh, tired of the repetitive filming, bored by his friends, calm with his wife, experiencing a slight disappointment about his own life - the midlife crisis - was hooked by the master fisherman Mads. He was like a moth flying towards the light, hypnotised by it, forgetting about everything! And now his wings already caught fire, his whole life consisting of crumbling ashes, but he keeps flying towards the burning hell, still craving unbearably to merge with it forever!...

It was his decision, whether to stay on the ground or take off to the sky. He couldn’t be sure of anything. He had to weigh his options: his family or his love. Who cares what’s going to happen tomorrow, because he had to choose now! But what a difficult choice it was… The choice between Claire and Mads, but in fact a choice between Cyrus and Mads. And this wasn’t fair anymore! Not at all…

And Hugh suffered unbearably night after night. Whatever his final choice might be,no matter how the stakes would turn, his heart would still be broken…

*****  
On the evening of January 11, Kate and High were peacefully sitting by the fireplace. Joker, Kate’s Doberman, sat near Dancy, putting his graceful black head with pointed ears onto his lap. Earlier, Hugh had problems interacting with dogs, he was just kind of more of a cat person, but after countless hours of filming with a horde of “Will Graham’s friends” he himself felt affection for these smart and loyal creatures. Joker frowned lazily while Hugh was stroking his head, holding a book in the other hand. A phone call ripped him out from the well-known childhood world of Conan Doyle. Not going deep into thinking, already used to disappointment, he glanced at the phone’s screen just by chance. Some unfamiliar number flashed up. His heart skipped a beat and the book slipped out of his hand, scaring the dog. Joker rose up to his feet and moved to Kate’s chair, his claws making a scratching sound on the floor. Hugh’s sister was staring at him. It seemed as though she was as excited as her brother.

“Who is it?” She asked quietly.

“I don’t know the number.” Hugh’s hands were shaking. The phone kept persistently ringing. 

“But you already decided for yourself who you’d want to hear now, right?” Kate’s smart eyes were filled with sympathy and understanding. 

Hugh swallowed. If you can’t make a decision, you should flip a coin. And before it falls back onto your hand, you’d already know which side you would like it to land on.

“Come on, pick it up!” Kate smiled encouragingly.

Hugh sighed, closed his eyes and put the phone to his ear.

“Hello?...”

“Hello, Hugh!”

Dancy almost started swearing. It was his agent! His heart was still pounding as crazy inside his chest, but bitter disappointment was already spreading out inside. Again. Seemed like he wouldn’t get the right phone call after all…

“Yes, hello. Why are you calling from a different number?”

“Guess what, my SIM card broke! It was old, I should have changed it a long time ago. So now you’ll have to change my contact.”

 

“Okay.”

“So, how are you doing with ‘Hannibal’?”

Some stinging feeling inside.

“The TV show? Okay. Don’t know yet whether it will be renewed for another season.”

“If it won’t, don’t worry! I’ve got an awesome job for you, it’s perfect! Just in time for summer.”

 

“I’m listening.”

 

“It’s a historical drama with elements of fantasy directed by Louis Leterrier, something about ancient Greek gods, centurions and men in skirts. Well paid, I gave them your contacts. They said they’d get in touch with you in early February.”

 

“Thank you, but…”

“Just think about it. You don’t necessarily have to agree or refuse right now, it’s just... TV shows, well…it’s not serious work. Especially ‘Hannibal’, where your role is not the main role in the canon storyline. You could leave the project at any time and they’d continue without you. And being able to shoot with ‘Paramount’ is a great privilege!”

“Thanks, I’ll think about it.”

“Yeah, do it. And keep in touch with me! Bye!”

 

“Bye.”

Hugh hung up. 

“Not the right call again?” Kate smiled at him, knowingly and sadly.

“Regarding work, a new role I could take on…”

His phone flashed up again. Hugh shrugged and looked at the display. His breath became shaky and his hands were wet. Here it was.

‘Claire’

Hugh glanced helplessly at his sister. She saw fear and uncertainty in his eyes.

“Your wife?” She asked silently.

 

Hugh nodded. His heart was pounding wildly again, but now also with a feeling of despair. Fate made its move.

“Are you going to pick up?” Kate slid her legs down the chair and leaned forward. 

Hugh swallowed and nodded again, picking up.

“Darling?” His voice sounded hoarse.

“Hello, Hugh.”

“I’m so...so glad to hear you.”

He heard the voice of Cyrus in the background and his eyes flooded with tears. He wasn’t lying. He was sincerely glad to hear her and his son’s voice.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m okay, I’m staying in London with Kate. How are you?”

“We’re home already. I...I told my parents that you had an urgent job call and you couldn’t come with us. And they didn’t ask anything really.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I didn’t say it for you, but for the sake of Cyrus. And for the sake of mum and dad not being worried.”

Hugh didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. During all these days he still hadn’t figured out what to tell his wife in case she called. Although he wouldn’t have been prepared for Mads’ call either. 

“I’ve thought about it.” Claire said. “And I’ve decided that it’s time for us to talk and finally sort it out. And you need to sort your priorities. We’re both adults, Hugh, so we should solve our problems properly.”

“I want to talk to you!”

“Alright. Can you travel by plane? This way we could meet tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course!”

“Alright then, we’ll get in touch tomorrow.”

“Yes, see you Claire.” He wanted to add ‘darling’ but he just couldn’t. There was no need to make this even more complicated.

Hugh put his phone down on the table with shaking hands. He looked up to Kate, smiling doubtful.

“Are you flying away?”

Hugh nodded.

“You’re sad.”

 

“No. I just… I don’t know. It seems everything is solved now.”

“But you’re sad. You were expecting...an other call, right?”

“I wasn’t expecting anything! I’m glad that it was Claire who called, because now there is a chance for us to bring everything back together the way it was. I will leave the show, accept the offer to shoot with Leterrier, and my life will be the same again.”

“Without Mads?”

“To hell with Mads! So much went wrong because of him…”

“What if Claire doesn’t want to reconcile? What if she invited you to talk about the divorce?”

Hugh shook his head in disbelief.

“Would you go back to Mikkelsen then?”

“Kate, for God’s sake! No! He doesn’t call so he doesn’t need me, so I don’t need him as well. I just have to endure the hardest period. And then he can fuck himself and leave my life…”

“Hugh, don’t be angry.” Kate got up from her chair and walked towards her brother, putting her hand on his shoulder. Dancy was shaking.

“I see that you are suffering. Without him. I saw your eyes the moment you saw who was calling. I heard the way you talked to Claire. I know that back then you wanted to see a different number on the display.”

“No. And for the sake of Cyrus I’ll forget Mads.”

Hugh swiped down his sister’s hand and went into his room.

 

*****

Hugh already wanted to leave this night, but the next flight was postponed due to the weather so it was only the next morning. Kate brought him to the airport, where she hugged him tightly and wished a good flight. She wished him luck and her beautiful eyes, resembling her brother’s so much, were filled with tears. She said that she would fly back to Africa, but when she’d come back in three months, she would be waiting for his visit. Or she would visit herself, to check if he is doing alright. She told him to call and tell her how he was doing. Kissing Kate’s forehead, Hugh felt that it was a good choice to spend Christmas with her. Family is a safe haven and his sister really helped him survive this turbulence in his life.

The large ‘Boeing’ rose up heavily into the air, taking up the course to the USA. Hugh closed his eyes. He didn’t sleep all night, worried and tormented, thinking about Kate’s words after Claire’s call. What was awaiting him in America? What should he do next? The short break was over and life was challenging him again…

*****

The plane landed at noon in the US. Hugh felt overwhelmed and tired, as if he had a week of intense shooting. There was a huge waiting line on the terminal, afterwards he had to wait for a long time for his luggage. Eventually, Hugh walked through the airport’s hallways not only tired, but also pissed off. He would never admit to Kate, and even to himself, that everything didn’t turn out the way he wanted. But he wouldn’t back up, he would stay on this path fate had chosen for him…

Mads stood at the exit doors.

It seemed as though Hugh bumped into a wall. Some stranger cursed him, almost bumping into him, but the abruptly stopped Hugh hadn’t even noticed. He looked at Mads, not trusting his eyesight. But it wasn’t a hallucination of a tired mind, not an image inspired by despair. It was the real Mads Mikkelsen. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing here thousands of miles away from his own home. There was not even one thought in his mind, only emptiness remaining. The people, hurrying past him, seemed to be blurry, as though time followed some different rules of physics. Everything seemed to have distanced itself behind a thick wall of glass, leaving only him and Mads on their own.

The Dane smiled slightly apologetically and stepped towards him.


	14. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN! Credit goes to: ficbook.net/readfic/174147

Mads approached Hugh, who stood frozen among the sea of people flowing past him. Everything ceased to exist for the Brit: the people’s noise turned into the sound of waves, a woman sweared at him, but her voice seemed to be like a pointless scream of a seagull, and the wind reminded of a salty sea breeze. And in this transformed world only Mikkelsen remained unchanged. But on the other hand it was him who seemed to be surreal, as though he was “cut off” from some parallel world and pasted into this January morning in Los Angeles. What was he doing here, thousands of miles away from Toronto, from his family, from Hanne?...

“Hi.” The Dane said simply, stopping a foot away from Dancy.

Despite him being seemingly calm, a storm of emotions was shattering Hugh from the inside. As it often happens with sudden stress situations, his brain started to become mercilessly slow.

“What…” Hugh cleared his throat and, gaining control of himself, said coldly: “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk”

“It’s too late to talk.” Hugh walked past him (oh, this smell of Mads!) and headed towards the sliding doors of the exit. 

“Wait.” The Dane caught up with him and put a hand on his shoulder, causing sparks to flash up underneath Hugh’s skin, spreading from the touched spot throughout his whole body. But he still pushed Mads’ hand away, shaking it off with his shoulder.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you.” Mikkelsen followed the silent Dancy, but didn’t try to stop him anymore. “I’ve been thinking about us. I’ve got a lot of stuff to tell you, Hugh! Please let me tell you…”

The Brit stopped abruptly, almost causing Mads to bump into him, exposing him to his smell again, his warmth, his nearness…

“I came because Claire called me.” Hugh turned towards him and as much as he tried to conceal it, his eyes were full of rage mixed with pain. “She called me, you know? Not you, but her! She told me to come, not you! Everything became clear about you when you allowed my marriage to be destroyed, when you didn’t say anything, didn’t help, didn’t support me! When you let me leave!”

Hugh didn’t notice that he started shouting, standing in the middle of the airport’s parking lot. 

“I said…”

“What did you say? ‘I’m so sorry’? It would have been better not to say anything then!”

“I’m sorry Hugh…”

“Fuck you!...”

Mads stepped towards him and kissed him.

Everything was the same as it was their first time. It was too much Mads once again: his smell, warmth, taste. Everything intoxicated Hugh and broke all the barriers he built up with so much effort inside his soul, inside his heart. The Dane broke his resistance, both physical and mental. And now Hugh didn’t push him away anymore but rather clinged to his tight leather jacket, pulled him towards him, kissing Mads in frantic lust. He lost his breath due to the feelings and finally pushed Mikkelsen away. His eyes were burning due to the sudden cold wind and Hugh lowered his head.

“Jeg elsker dig.” Mads said quietly. “Jeg elsker dig helhjertet, Hugh.”

It seemed as though Hugh’s heart stopped. He knew how to say “I love you” in Danish. He looked back at Mikkelsen’s sparkling eyes. There was neither a lie nor mischief inside them. Only sincerity.

“Let me tell you what I’ve understood about us, Hugh.”

Dancy nodded nervously.

“Come, I’ve rented a car. Let’s find a quiet place and talk about everything.”

Mikkelsen headed towards a black Volkswagen. Hugh followed him, having no idea at all what to do now. Inside, the car smelled of leather and a bit of gasoline. But it didn’t smell of Mads, which somehow let Dancy become more aware of the situation. 

“I have to call Claire.” He started fumbling inside his pockets, searching for his phone.

“Maybe we should talk first and you can call her afterwards?” Mads started the engine by pressing a button.

“She knows that I arrived here this morning. I have to call her, I promised.”

“I want us to have enough time”

Hugh didn’t say anything twisting his phone in his hands. When he decided to put it back inside his pocket it started ringing.

“Claire.” The Brit looked at Mads.

The man let out an annoyed sigh leaning back in the driver’s seat, and turned away to look outside the window.

“Hello?” Hugh brought his phone towards his ear.

“Are you in the States already?” Claire’s voice was mixed with the sound of the wind, seemed like she was outside.

“Y-yeah.” Dancy closed his eyes.

“Okay, let’s get it over with then. I suggest meeting in the cafe on the Imperial Highway in an hour. We’ve been there for several times, remember?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. See you in an hour.”

 

Claire hung up.

Mads turned towards Hugh.

“Cafe on the Imperial Highway. In an hour.” Hugh repeated his wife’s words looking at Mads, his eyes filled with guilt. The man started the engine and they drove off, leaving the parking lot.

“So we’ll need to talk on our way there then.”

But contrary to his statement, they didn’t speak during their drive. It took them about half an hour to get to the cafe. The streets were almost empty and they had luck with lots of green traffic lights on their way. Hugh and Mads were silent all the way to the cafe. The Dane frowned, gathering his thoughts and seemingly thinking about something. Hugh, on the other hand, just waited. He had nothing to tell Mads. And he couldn’t say what Mikkelsen wanted him to say yet. He had decided to go back to the old life again, begin to live according to rules. So why was he going with Mads now? Why did he allow to kiss him? Why was he filled with doubt again?

Mads stopped on the opposite side of the street by the said cafe. Hugh looked at him, the man turned off the engine but he didn’t break the silence. Dancy couldn’t handle this.

“If you’ve got to tell me something, do it now.”

“Yes.” The Dane sighed and smiled sadly. “I wanted to tell you many things, but it seems I’ll have to keep it short.”

He lit a cigarette. Hugh absorbed the familiar scent. He remembered that he had a pack of his own cigarettes in his jacket’s inner pocket. Exactly the same. Only now he didn’t need them.

“I told Hanne everything.”

“What?” Hugh leaned forward due to surprise.

“I told Hanne. About us.”

“But why?”

“You were right. It’s not fair. Not fair to her, to you, to the children.”

“Do the children…”

“Of course not! Hanne will tell them herself when she thinks it’s the right moment for this.”

“I can’t believe it.” Hugh ran his hand through his hair, then pressed it on top of his lips, looking at the Dane in shock. Only now he had noticed that Mads seemed to have lost some weight since the last time they saw each other. Yes, these Christmas holidays hadn’t been easy for him as well.

“And she...how did she react?”

Mads chuckled.

“How would she react? Terribly. Hysterical, sobbing, making a scene… And it wasn’t really about jealousy or anything. Rather she was humiliated by my lies. We’ve been together for, let’s see, twenty five years. There is no love or passion left, only habit and obligations. We spent so much time together, raised our children, lived through our hardships. She is very offended, you know?”

 

“Do you think she didn’t love you anymore?”

 

“I don’t know.” Mads exhaled a thin and long streak of smoke into the open window. “But I know that I don’t love her anymore.” 

Hugh felt blood rushing into his face. He remembered the recent confession. His heart ached gratefully.

“And how did you tell her?”

“She kept asking about what happened between you and Claire and I tried not to talk to her about it. And then...let’s say I was ready for this. And I said that Claire ‘found out that Hugh was cheating on her with me’.”

They remained silent for a while.

“That’s harsh.” Hugh said after a long pause.

“Well, yeah. At first she didn’t understand what I said. But I explained it to her. I suggested to solve this problem like adults.”

“And what did she say?”

“She kicked me out.” Mads laughed softly.

Hugh looked through the window into the blue sky. He tried to imagine the hatred Hanne felt for him, and she definitely had to hate him right now. The Kind, nice, naive Hanne. She tried to cheer him up… But even if some negative energy from Mikkelsen’s wife pursued Hugh, it couldn’t have broken through the absolute happiness he felt now. With an almost mad smile Hugh looked at Mads.

“You’re fucking crazy.” The Brit said with bright eyes.

“You know, I noticed you back in the days of shooting ‘King Arthur’. Only I didn’t like you at all back then.”

Hugh snorted, not knowing whether he should laugh or be offended. 

“You were just a boy. Silly, cheeky and infantile as hell. And kept clinging onto me.”

“I wasn’t clinging onto you!”

“Yes you did, only this way I noticed you in the first place. If you were a bit more...mature or something, everything could have turned into an other direction. I was busy with family stuff at this time anyway. But something about you kept me hooked. Even back then.”

Hugh started thinking, whether he really became attracted to Mikkelsen during the shootings for the show. Or was his despair so strong right now that he could finally admit it to himself? Could he possibly have fallen in love with him back then? After all, during all the years that passed between ‘Arthur’ and ‘Hannibal’ he thought of the Dane from time to time. But this means that it isn’t just a midlife crisis, not an experiment, not jealousy or obsession. Hugh believed Mads. It was present all along: Love.

“I’ve been thinking of you sometimes. Usually people in my life come and go, but you were different. You stayed forever. Remember how Fuller offered you Graham’s role? You know who advised him to do it? I wanted to get in touch with you at all costs, I wanted to start working with you again to understand why you wouldn’t get out of my head.”

Hugh couldn’t say anything, overwhelmed by his feelings, and just wanted to throw himself at the Dane. He had completely forgotten that he came to meet his wife. And Mads continued:

“You’ve changed. I immediately felt it. It’s not your age or your manly stubble.” He grinned ironically. “It’s the fact that you’ve become more serious, more responsible and mature. And smarter. You didn’t openly stare at me, didn’t start any small talk. You were very reserved.”

“So what was it about your negative comments on Hannigram then? You let me know that all of this is disgusting at some point…”

“I wanted to test you. I didn’t know, whether you still had feelings for me, and I have to admit that you hid them quite skillfully. I didn’t get it for a whole year while we have been working together. I had to be provocative. And this gave you away. I saw how much you want this Hannigram just to be closer to me. You wanted me. But at the same time you didn't make the first step. Apparently you were afraid that I wouldn’t feel the same for you.”

“And then you made the first step.”

 

“You know what made me do it? The fact that you finished smoking my cigarette.” Mads laughed and smiled awkwardly at Hugh. “It was the return of the reckless boy from ‘Arthur’. It just blew me away.”

“Mads…” Hugh reached out to him and the Dane leaned forward. Their lips met in a soft kiss, which became more persistent with each second. Mikkelsen’s bitter breath was maddening, his touch sending waves of shivers through Hugh’s body. The Dane’s hand gently stroked Hugh’s hair, slid down the back of his head, down his back, and froze on his lower waist, pulling him towards him. Dancy clung onto him, painfully pressing his ribs into the handbrake, but the Brit hardly noticed. His own hand clenched Mads’ warm hip, slowly but surely moving upwards. They were both burning with desire.

Hugh opened his eyes only for a second, glancing outside the window behind Mikkelsen, as he saw Claire walking down the street. 

“Damn!” He backed away from Mads. The other man, his hair ruffled and his eyes darkened with lust, turned around as well.

Claire didn’t see them, she didn’t look at the parking cars. She approached the cafe’s doors lightfootedly and went inside without looking back. 

“Damn!” Hugh said again, feeling his heart beating violently, his hands shaking and his lips burning because of the kiss.

“Are you still going to go?” Mads turned back to look at him. His eyes were full of determination. 

“I...I don’t know.” Hugh tried to catch his breath and gather his thoughts. “I’ve got to tell her at least something. Shit! What if, by chance, it was her who told you I was coming? Just to make sure? How did you even know I was coming?”

“I don’t think she would risk it like this. No, it wasn’t her who told me.”

“So who did?”

“Kate, your sister.”

“You called my sister?” Hugh frowned. “Why?”

“She called me. Said that you’d arrive here today.”

“Wait.” Will shook his head. “I only learned about it myself yesterday. So she...she called you right after Claire’s call and told you that I was going to the States to reconcile with my wife?”

“Well yeah…” Mads answered hesitantly.

“So it wasn’t your own decision to come and sort things out, my sister asked you?” Dancy felt himself getting angry.

“She said that it was my last chance…”

“No, you told your wife and didn’t call me. You didn’t call me even once, Mads! What were you waiting for? For me to come running back to you first? Or for someone to tell you what to do, like my sister?”

“No, you didn’t understand…”

In this moment Mads’ phone made a melodically twinkling noise, lying between the seats. Incoming message. Hanne. And the first words of the message:

“Honey, when are you coming back? We have been invited for sunday…”

Hugh felt himself falling into the abyss. He seemed to hear a storm inside his head.

“You didn’t tell her?” Dancy uttered barely audible, unable to look away from the glowing screen of the phone. If it only had been lying with its screen down everything would have turned out different.

Mads was silent. And this silence was the worst thing.

“You fucking son of a bitch, you didn’t tell her. You lied to me.” Hugh stared at the Dane with horror in his eyes. 

“Hugh, if you stay with me I’ll leave her. I promise!”

“You fucking bastard! And I believed you once again!” Hugh was almost choking again, but not from love this time. “Damn, you didn’t change one bit! You don’t care about anyone, about me! You ruined my life, my family… I hate you! Mads, you hear me? Hate you! I don’t want to see you or have anything to do with you! You’re a selfish bastard, and now I’m absolutely sure about my decision!”

“Hugh, wait…”

But Dancy didn’t let him finish. He jumped out of the car furiously, slamming the door with force.

“Hugh!”

“Fuck you, Mads!” Dancy felt as though he was ready to kill the Dane. He couldn’t believe that he allowed him to break his heart once again. No, now was time to put an end to all of this.

The Volkswagen jerked forward and drove off at high speed with screeching tires. Hugh looked after him, still shaking with rage. All he said had been a lie, always. He lied to him, lied while looking into his eyes. Hypocritical son of a bitch…

After a couple of deep breaths Hugh stepped towards the cafe. He had to act according to his original plan. Claire, family, stability. His son. Peace. Predictability. Being faithful. Being correct. 

Claire was sitting across the room with two mugs of coffee on the table in front of her.

“You’re late?” She looked at Hugh. He sighed and gave her a guilty smile.

“I’m sorry.”

“I already bought you some latte, you usually drink this, right?”

“Thank you.” Hugh felt tenderness for his wife, but at the same time it felt kind of vengeful.

“I’ve thought about everything.” Claire said sighing. “I’ve made a choice.”

Dancy took a sip from his almost cold coffee.

“Be happy with the person you love.”

“What?” The Brit almost choked.

“Hugh, I don’t want this.” She frowned. “I see that you’re suffering because of him. And have seen it before. I just didn’t want to notice. Well, things like this happen. Of course I’m sad now...If it had been a woman I wouldn’t have accepted it but...This isn’t just cheating because of boredom or lack of sex. It...it really is love, Hugh.”

“To hell with Mads! Claire, I love you and I want to stay with you!” Hugh felt like he was in a nightmare.

“No!” She suddenly looked furiously at him. “I do have pride as well, you know! I didn’t see you for months and now I have to put up with this? Why should I? Why should anyone be forced to be with someone? We aren’t living in the middle ages, I can find someone else. Someone who will love me.”

“But I love…”

“No you don’t! You could at least admit this to yourself! Why do you need all of this, all those lies, why ‘live pretending’? Who cares? And I… I already have someone in mind. And you know Hugh, it’s very noticeable when you are truly being loved!”

She pulled her tablet out of her purse.

“Look.”

 

Claire showed him a picture from some kind of gossip website. It was him and Mads. Kissing on the pier. It was the sunny weekend they spent together. They have been noticed after all…

“Claire…”

She turned the tablet towards her and looked at the picture herself.

“Everyone is commenting that this is a manip. But you just confirmed with your facial expression that this picture is real. So what do we have to argue about now?”

Dancy said nothing. He simply didn’t have anything to tell her.

“Generally, I don’t want to see you again. I’ve made up my mind. During the holidays I realized that I don’t love you anymore. I can’t forgive you. I’ll let everything be as it is. I don’t know what you're going to do about Mads, he is a married man after all, but that’s none of my business. I want the divorce.”

“Fuck.”

Hugh closed his eyes. Claire dumped him. He dumped Mads and Claire dumped him! How is this even possible?

“Maybe you’ll think about it another time?”

“I’ve already thought about it enough! And more than once. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I want to be happy myself, you know?”

She looked down at him coldly. Hugh saw the reflection of his own pain inside her eyes. Pain because of Mads.

“I thought we would be both happy with this option.”

And suddenly Hugh felt completely indifferent. He didn’t have anything left. He lost everything.

“Fuck this shit!” He thought.

“Alright.” He agreed. “As you wish.”

Claire smiled the way shoppers smiled at the checkout when the cashier hands them their change.

“That’s good! I’ll focus on the divorce papers then and you should collect your stuff from our flat, I guess. It’s my flat after all, remember?”

*****

Hugh went out of the cafe, completely drained and exhausted. It seemed as he hadn’t slept for weeks. He looked down the street. Mikkelsen was gone, of course. He could call him now, but what would he tell him? “My wife dumped me so I’m free again”? Or “Didn’t quite turn out well with my wife, does your offer still stand”?

Dancy took out his cigarettes and lit one. The bitter taste was too familiar, it almost inflicted him physical pain, so after the first drag he threw the cigarette into the trash can. One moment later the whole pack followed.

“To hell with everyone!” Hugh said out aloud, walking towards the bus stop with his hands in the pockets.

It was time to start a new life!


	15. New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T WRITE THIS MASTERPIECE I JUST TRANSLATED IT FROM RUSSIAN! Credit goes to: ficbook.net/readfic/174147

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mistakes in this one, I will fix it as soon as I can!

Sometimes life is hard, but after overcoming all the hardships and battling the struggles it suddenly seems to become so easy! But that easiness comes with emptiness and loneliness. The only change is the perception of these feelings. Hugh was no longer afraid to start anew. Indeed, why not? Why not find a new meaning in life? Or rather not look for it specifically, but just wait. Take a break from relationships. Understand himself. And fate would push someone in his direction sooner or later.

He would have left Claire anyway. Now Hugh could finally admit that he has lost interest in his wife for a long time now. And it wasn’t even because of the constant traveling or a midlife crisis. The feelings just faded, leaving behind a friendly affection and responsibility for his son. Hugh loved Cyrus but now he has lost him as well as his wife. Of course Claire will allow him to meet his son, but sooner or later he will grow up and find out the truth about his father. And no one could predict his reaction then, although likely to be negative. Just thinking about it was the most painful thing for the Brit, what kind of father is he? He sees his family less then his colleagues on set. Yes, he could play with his son and feed him, but education is a very difficult and troublesome process. Could he have given him a father’s care his son so needed? Maybe family wasn’t even his thing? He had already proven his incompetence as a husband and father…

The situation with Claire was obvious. As soon as she let him go, Hugh seemed to grow wings. He felt like a bird, which has spent its whole life in a cage. The door opened – and what to do now? Where to fly? The price of freedom was peace and stability. But with his freedom back a feeling of youth returned to him. It seemed like one hundred doors opened in front of him, so many possibilities! But unlike earlier, when he was young, now Dancy had some life experience, which was the most valuable thing that came with the passing years. Something no one could take away.

Hugh was inspired. He already felt the wind changing as his life took a different path. What lies ahead? Storms or hardships? Or paradise? Who cares! Hugh called back his agent and told him that he accepts the offer to play Louis Leterrier. The agent was very pleased with this decision and promised to contact „Paramount“ as soon as possible to get some details. Now the last thing to do was to resign from his role in the TV show.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

After a week has passed since the moment of his breakup with Claire and Mads, Hugh was definitely sure of the path he had chosen to take. He took all his things from his old apartment and didn’t meet Claire anymore. There was no news from Mads as well, so this week Hugh dedicated to himself completely. First thing he did was calling his sister. But, as it happened in the evening of the ill-fated „day of break ups“, his angry speech about „unwanted interference into someone else’s private life“ very soon changed into sobbing on her shoulder from a distance. Kate apologized and justified her actions by saying that she only meant it well. She saw and felt the broken heart of her brother, but if only she had known that the Dane would make up such a nasty lie she wouldn’t have called him. To his surprise, Hugh started defending Mads, but Kate quickly drew his attention to it. Dabcy realized, that it would be more difficult to get out of his relationship with Mads.

A week later work started again.  Hugh saw Mads every day and it was unbearable. The Brit felt himself literally tearing Mikkelsen out of his heart, tearing out some pieces. But he had to stay strong. They had only three episodes left to shoot and afterwards they would rarely see each other again. Just voice overs, editing and the usual post production left, which didn’t require them both to be in a room together.

Hugh involuntarily noticed that he seemingly hurt the feelings of the Dane. He was unusually restrained and cold, sometimes even pretty harsh, and not just with Hugh but with everyone. He was obviously fed up with all this too and he had no desire to restore the good friendship with Hugh Dancy. This almost aggressive coldness of Mads also helped the Brit to bear this all. Soon it will be over…

He told Fuller that he wanted to leave the project in the first week of the shootings. They had a lengthy conversation and Bryan still couldn’t let him go. Despite the fact that he got the rights to Clarice Starling, the plan to make Will Graham Hannibal’s lover seemed to fascinate him even more. Fuller truly had great  plans for the next season in terms of the development of Hannigram and it gradual canonization, but the sudden decision of the main actor to leave ruined his plans. It ruined the whole concept of the show! Dancy realized that coming up with excuses would not be enough for the producer to let him go and decided to tell him about his failed love affair with Mads. Omitting some details, of course, he described their situation, its development what it eventually led to.

"Damn guys, I felt that there was something happening between the two of you!“, Bryan responded to the confession, breaking into a satisfied grin. But seeing Hugh’s sharp glance he quickly got ahold of himself.

"Well, the situation is horrible, of course.“ Fuller scratched his neatly shaved beard. "That this could happen…on my project…“

"Bryan,“ Hugh looked into his eyes. "Please. I’m not asking you as a colleague, but as a friend. Let me leave. It is torture to be near him.“

"You left your wife because of him,“ Fuller shook his head. "Maybe you’ll get along?...Although no, he also has a family. Damn, it’s difficult with you two!!“

After a brief pause the producer finally agreed.

"Okay. I have to admit this is the first time I encounter something like this. You guys really are something… Alright. We’ll rewrite everything, we’ll introduce Clarice and change our concept a bit.“

"Thank you, Bryan!“ Hugh grabbed his hand and shook it gratefully. "Thank you.“

The next day, Dancy shared the news with the cast. The colleagues clearly expressed their frustration over Hugh’s decision to leave the series. Although everyone understood that Hugh was gaining experience, that he was invited to a much bigger project. Perhaps some felt envious. But this wasn’t important to Hugh. The only important thing was Mikkelsen’s reaction, but he didn’t express any emotions at all. He generally seemed to have turned into stone after their fight and Hugh sometimes wanted to grab his shoulders to shake him up, to wake up the the vitality and passion that once burned inside him again… But no, he shouldn’t. Soon it will all end. Soon.

But why does it hurt so much?!

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last day was approaching too fast. The shootings were coming to an end, but Mads still remained ice cold. Apparently Hugh’s words about hatred hurt him back then. He shouldn’t have said that, especially after Mads‘ confession. The lies about his wife didn’t seem so terrible anymore, but Hugh tried to dismiss such thoughts. He had made his decision. He had to be strong.

Mikkelsen completely disappeared behind the mask of Dr. Lecter. Hugh stopped seeing the real Mads behind that mask. After their shootings Hannibal’s face turned into a mask of a polite stranger. Dancy hated himself for it, but he still tried talking to him a few times. No, not to bring everything back, but to…say goodbye? But each time Mads would escape from their dialogue, his answers being short and dry. And Hugh lacked the strength to insist for him to stay. Even his awkward „Bye!“ at the end of their working day only brought out a reserved nod out of him. Their only communication was written in the script – between their characters. Fuller has rewritten the scenes between them, accepting Hugh’s „resignation“, breaking up the relationship between Hannibal and Will. Once they successfully acted out Hannigram, now they portrayed their break up as skillfully. The pain Will felt because of Hannibal’s betrayal was Hugh’s pain. And the cruel indifference and cold heart, in Dancy’s opinion, were the true feelings of the Dane. Fuller shamelessly took advantage of their situation and turned everything around for the good of the series and himself. But Hugh didn’t care…

All the scenes were shot, edited, voiced over. There were just small things left to do, which mostly consisted of interviews and communication with the audience. In public he and Mads acted as though nothing happened, only the two of them noticed each other’s fake smiles. This was the most difficult part for Hugh.

In the end, Mikkelsen’s coldness cooled down Dancy’s heart as well. He didn’t try to speak to him anymore, didn’t follow him with his glances, even rarely dreamed about him at night. It all ended in a cold handshake on the last day of their shootings and they went their separate ways. It was over. The last bridge collapsed.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Life went on as usual. Filming „Hannibal“ was a thing of the past, Hugh had signed a contract for „Paramount“ now. In June he went to Australia, where three months of filming were planned. He was provided with an apartmant in Perth for this period of time. Not the best thing in the world, but still better than the hotel rooms NBC provided him with. His colleagues were famous actors now and the whole team counted almost three hundred people. But most importantly, there was no ona among them who could hurt him.

Hugh returned to the states only once in July for the divorce with Claire. She came into court with her new boyfriend, but Hugh, to his own surprise, didn’t feel even the slightest hint of jealousy. He still missed her a bit, but the feeling still wasn much fainter than real disappointment. The divorce was quick and painless for both parties – Hugh gave up his apartment in the United States in favour of his wife and agreed to pay child support. He couldn’t wait to get this over with as soon as possible and to return to Australia. Not that there was something particularly special there… There simply wasn’t anything from his old life there.

In less than two month of hard work Hugh more or less became became a bit closer just to the leading actor of the movie – Sam Worthington. They had dinner together and sometimes even a few beers on the weekends. Hufh rarely talked about his private life and certainly wasn’t going to talk about Mads. Sam wasn’t really open about this stuff either, their friendship was lazy and superficial.

Sometimes Hugh percieved the scent of cigarettes. Sometimes he saw a familiar silhouette in the crowd. Somtimes he heard a familiar voice with the hissing accent. And each time his heart throbbed painfully in his chest, bumping against his ribcase. The flames of former love never went out completely. But the Brit accepted this nagging pain in his chest. It just became a part of him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"Holy shit!!“ Sam stormed into Hugh’s dressing room like a hurricane.

The Brit had a hard working day and was ready to head home now. But between him and his so beloved pillow now appeared a wild Worthington.

"Listen, no matter what you’re about to do, could you wait until…“ Dancy began, but was interrupted by Sam.

"It appears that youre quite a guy! We really didn’t know shit about you! Yeah right, the "quiet guy“!"

Hugh frowned slightly. The excessive hype of his colleague made him question, whether he might have consumed some strange substances to raise his mood.

"I don’t ge…“

"The interview! We saw it, Hugh! You’re quite the loverboy, ruiner of other families!“

The tired Dancy started to get annoyed.

"What interview? What are you talking about? You clearly are out of your…“

"Mikkelsen!“ Sam blurted out and broke out into a triumphant grin.

Hugh felt his knees weaken. Stepping back, he sat down on his chair. His confused, dazed look expressed more than words could.

"Didn’t you see it?“ Sam raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Are you kidding me?“

He took a smartphone out of his pocket and handed it to Hugh. There was already a video opened, some kind of American talk show. Invited guests – Mikkelsen, Fuller and some young woman, probably "Clarice“. Accordinf to the date it was an interview from yesterday. With shaking hands, the Brit pressed play.

"Skip to eight thirty-ish.“ Sam said, watching from above.

Hugh wanted to watch it from the beginning, but he was too excited and confused, so he skipped forward.

"Mads!“ The interviewer jerked around to look at the Dane and started speaking very fast. „All of your fans are only interested in one question right now: Is it true that you have some problems with your family?“

"Do you mean the divorce, Stue?“ Mads said calmly.

"Wow, that’s some news!“ the man leaned back in his chair. He was very lively, as if he was nervous or electrified, his spiky hair complementing his overall impression.

"I think all of our viewers are worried about one thing: What went wrong in that paradise? You were together with Hanne Jacobsen for twenty five years, have two amazing grown up kids! Why?“

"I fell in love with someone else“, the Dane simply answered, smiling almost innocently at the interviewer.

Hugh’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open involuntarily. His heart seemed to be about to jump out of his chest.

"Love – the greatest miracle of them all! It gives us wings, a sense of youth, making us reckless again, desperate…“, the man started rabbling on pathetically, "Is it too early to ask for a name?“

He winked at Mads.

"Why not?“ Mikkelsen smiled again. He was calm, as though they weren’t talking about his private life but about the weather.

Hugh stopped breathing.

"Hugh Dancy.“

Hugh breathed in loudly. This couldn’t be real. This was a montage. A dream. A lie. This couldn’t be real!

Beside him Sam was grinning happily.

The interviewer was taken aback as well. He stared at Mads behind his stylish glasses and froze for a few seconds. Looked as if the news hit him hard. Then he seemed to have woken up, shaking his head.

"Wait a minute. Hugh Dancy? The one who plays Will Graham? Your colleague?“

"Yes.“

The man turned towards the camera with a crazy glimmer in his eyes.

"And this, my friends, is really a sensation!“

The camera showed the big shot again. The unknown actress was smiling politely, Bryan with a happy, devilish grin, and the lazily relaxed Mads.

"Their affair couldn’t have gone unnoticed in the show.“ Fuller interrupted, "Such chemistry, even the air was electrified!“

"Um…“ The interviewer was still in a state of a mild shock. "Why did Dancy leave the project then?“

"We had a small fight.“ Mads said and suddenly looked straight into the camera. It seemed, as though he was looking directly at Hugh.

"Hugh! Since this is a great opportunity, I want to ask you for forgiveness. Yes, I was a selfish egoist, but I have changed. I understand now. I love you.“

Dancy felt himself blushing, his lips stretching into a smile.

The interviewer looked into the camera as well.

"Such passion in here, my friends! Hugh Dancy! If you are watching this right now, forgive Mads! He’s really a cool dude, if he makes such confessions in front of the whole world. And we will conclude our little talk now, today our guests were…“

Sam grabbed the phone out of Hugh’s hands. The Brit stared at his empty hands for a few seconds and only after some time he looked completely stunned at Worthington.

"You’re fucking crazy, dude!“ Sam proclaimed excited. "What do you think of this confession?“

"I have to go home.“ Hugh got up on his feet. His head was buzzing, as though he was drunk, but all the muscles felt unusually light. It seemed as though he was about to go crazy.

"I guess you have a lot to think about.“ Sam smiled knowingly.

Dancy picked up his bag from the floor and grabbed the door handle.

"Hugh!“ Sam called.

The Brit turned around.

"Forgive Mads.“

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Hugh couldn’t remember how he got home. Climbing the stairs he was still trying to focus on some further action, but all coherent thoughts seemed to be slipping away from him.

The familiar scent of Pall Mall. Too strong to be an illusion.

Leaning with his back agains the door to Hugh’s apartment was Mads. So familiar, so painfully dear. In his leather jacked and worn out jeans, his hair messed up by the wind. Seeing the frozen Dancy on the stairs Mikkelsen immediately snapped away his cigarette and straightened up. Hugh stared silently at him from top to bottom, not moving, and seemingly not breathing.

"Hugh, I…“ the Dane began, but Dancy jumped up the stairs and interrupted him with probably the best way in the world. A kiss.

"Wow.“ Mads just said after Hugh broke the kiss, but immediatly recieved a punch in the jaw. Not that it was painful, but strong.

"I deserve it, I admit.“ Mikkelsen rubbed his chin.

"You’re the biggest fucking bastard of all the people I know!“ Hugh blurted out, feeling his eyes stinging. Blinking angrily, he continued. "Why did you confess in public?“

"How else would you believe me?“

"I wouldn’t! I… I was starting to get over you!“

"Good thing I came, then.“ Mads smirked and licked his lips, as though Hugh’s taste was still on them.

"Why?“ Hugh asked silently, unable to deal with the wave of emotions.

"Because I love you.“ Mads said as quietly. He pulled Hugh towards him and their lips met in a kiss again, this time it was long, slow, full of remorse and forgiveness. Hugh felt what he thought he would never feel again – Mikkelsen’s bitter breath, the warmth of his bidy, his hands sliding down his back. Opening his eyes without breaking the kiss Hugh’s eyes locked with the amber eyes of Mads. Naughty. Young. Loving and happy. His eyes.

"Maybe you’ll invite your guest in?“ the Dane asked grinning, breaking away from the kiss.

Hugh nodded and reached for the keys. His hands were shaking and he couldn’t get the key into the keyhole. Mads was watching him with a happy grin.

"How… how did you know where I live?“ Hugh asked hoarsly, finally managing to open the door.

"Your colleagues helped me out.“ Mikkelsen said and entered Dancy’s apartment.

Maybe he himself showed Sam the interview? It didn’t matter anymore! Most importantly – he was here. Next to him. Hugh felt as if, finally, everything fell into place in his life.

"Can I stay at your place for a while? Now Hanne really threw me out. And we have sold that house in the mountains. But it’s okay. Now I have enough money to buy something here. Hugh, what do you think about staying in Australia?“

Hugh didn’t answer. He was too happy. Seemed like he knew it now. It was no obsession, no crush, no affair. It was love. Real love.

The Midlife Crisis shows in a different way for every person. Some decide to change their job, some have an affair, others buy an expensive car. But everything turned out differently for Hugh Dancy. Now he certainly didn’t regret anything. His new life has just begun…

"I love you too, Mads.“

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THE END


End file.
